Janet Evanovich - Full Bloom

"Hang on, sweetheart, I'll carry you out to the car."

Beenie raced up the aisle and took his place next to Jamie. "I have the ring," he whispered.

She nodded. "Yes, we heard the entire exchange," she said, giving him a tight smile. "Every last one of us," she added as chuckles and muffled laughter sounded from the crowd. She glanced at Max and Nick, who were staring straight ahead. She saw their shoulders move and knew they were doing their best to keep from bursting into hearty guffaws.

"Uh-oh," Beenie said, glancing down. "This is not good."

Jamie followed his gaze. Fleas was half-sprawled on the floor beside her licking himself.

The minister cleared his voice, squared his shoulders, and gazed about the crowd. "What is marriage?" he asked. "To answer that question I'd like for us to ponder Scripture from the Book of Genesis."

Jamie and Max looked at each other and shrugged.

Ten minutes later, Jamie's eyes had glazed over, and her feet were killing her. Beside her, Beenie could not stop yawning, and Fleas had rolled onto his back and was snoring loudly.

"And so God saw that it was not right for Adam to be alone," Tuttle continued in a droning voice, "so He put Adam into a deep sleep—"

"This guy is putting me into a deep sleep," Beenie whispered to Annie, trying to stifle yet another yawn. "I wonder if Dee Dee's baby has started preschool yet?"

Fleas snorted and snored.

"And God took from Adam a rib and from that rib He created woman so that Adam could have a helpmate." Tuttle smiled. "And so I ask you again, what is marriage?"

Beenie's hand shot up. Jamie pulled it down. "It's a rhetorical question," she whispered.

"Today, I have the honor of joining another man and another woman together, just as it was meant to be from the very beginning. But first, let us bow our heads and offer up a prayer for this very special couple."

Annie closed her eyes and prayed Tuttle would get on with it.

The minister closed the prayer and looked from Max to Jamie. Tuttle raised his book, adjusted his glasses, and began to read. "Dearly beloved …"

Suddenly Max's cell phone rang. Jamie and the minister looked incredulous.

"I'm sorry," Max whispered. "It's my emergency line."

Jamie blinked rapidly. "Do you have to answer it now?"

"Muffin is the only one who calls this line. And only if it's urgent." He pushed the button. "This better be good, Muffin," he said, and listened.

Jamie glanced over her shoulder and saw the dark frown on Vera's face as well as the surprised looks of those surrounding her.

Max hung up. "The hospital just called the cops on Frankie."

Jamie gasped; Nick frowned.

"Dee Dee arrived at the hospital screaming like a banshee. Frankie immediately spotted her doctor, wrestled him to the floor, and put him in a headlock. Took a half-dozen security men to pull him off," Max added. "He's in restraints and Dee Dee has gone ballistic."

Jamie closed her eyes.

Max looked at Tuttle. "Could we get on with it? Jamie and I are needed elsewhere."

"And I need to use the little boys' room," Beenie said.

* * * * *

From her place in the back row Annie covered her face with both hands. She felt ill. The wedding was not going well; in fact, whatever could go wrong had gone wrong. She glanced up as Wes took the chair next to her.

"Sorry I'm late," he whispered so softly that Annie had to lean closer in order to hear. "I've been with Doc at the police station the entire time. Lamar wants to talk to Erdle ASAP. I told him Theenie had ordered Erdle to stay in bed because of a stomach virus." He arched one brow. "What's wrong? You look pale."

"The wedding is a bust."

His eyes softened. "I'm sorry, Red."

"I suppose I should look on the bright side. Things can't possibly get any worse." Annie had barely gotten the words out of her mouth before she spotted Peaches heading down the aisle. Annie instantly froze. "Who let the cat in?" she hissed. Peaches sat down and looked around at the crowded room as though curious.

Tuttle spoke from the front. "Jamie, do you take Max to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love—"

"I do," Jamie interrupted, causing the minister to look up in surprise.

"Quick, let me out," Annie whispered to Wes, trying to think of a way to reach Peaches without drawing attention. If only she had food! She slipped from the row, bent her knees — no easy task in her tight black skirt — and duckwalked toward the cat. She was almost close enough to grab Peaches when all at once the animal's ears spiked and she arched her back. Annie reached for her, but the cat slipped through her fingers and made a mad dash toward the front.

"And, Max," Tuttle went on, "do you promise to love and cherish Jamie and place her above all others?"

"I do," Max said, smiling tenderly at Jamie.

Fleas looked up only a split second before Peaches flew into him. The hound yelped loudly, startling those up front, who turned and stared in amazement. Fleas tried to escape, but Peaches was relentless. Flowers flew in every direction. Fleas howled and rose on his hind legs, trying to climb into Jamie's arms. His toenails sank into the delicate fabric of her dress, causing it to rip in several places. Jamie cried out when one of his nails scratched her.

"I knew that crazy dog would mess up everything!" Vera said loudly.

Fleas turned his head, obviously recognizing Vera's voice, and he bounded toward her. Vera shrieked as the hound jumped onto her lap.

Annie hurried toward the front. There was no use trying to be inconspicuous now. Peaches saw her coming and ran beneath a chair. Annie fell to her knees and crawled on all fours, even as Vera tried to push Fleas off her lap.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," Tuttle said quickly.

A burst of applause rose from the crowd as Max pulled Jamie into his arms for a long kiss, and when they turned around, the guests bolted to their feet and cheered loudly. Max hurried over to Vera, swept Fleas from her lap, and planted a kiss squarely on her mouth. Vera became flustered and began patting her hair in place.

Annie managed to grab Peaches and scramble up the aisle and out of the room, where she found Lovelle waiting. She thrust the cat into the woman's arms. "Torture her before you kill her."

Lovelle smiled sweetly. "I'll have her drawn and quartered, dear." She grunted as she lugged the cat away. "Why don't we grab a bite to eat, Peachums?" she said.

Jamie and Max joined Annie, and Jamie threw her arms around her. "I'm sorry we turned the wedding into a circus," she said, "but we played before a great crowd, don't you agree?"

Annie noted the guests spilling through the doorway, still cheering. "Is Fleas hurt?" She looked at the cowering dog, still in Max's arms.

Max grinned. "Only his pride." He winked and managed to pull an envelope from his pocket and hand it to her. "We have to go, Annie. Got to spring Frankie from the slammer."

Jamie kissed Annie on the cheek, and the two left through the front door.

* * * * *

Annie was relieved to see the rest of the guests leave. Somehow, despite all that had occurred, they had enjoyed themselves immensely, and although everything else had turned out crazy, dinner had been perfect. Jamie had since called. Max had convinced Dee Dee's doctor not to press charges against Frankie, but only after Frankie agreed not to sic Snakeman and his boa on the doctor as he'd threatened. Dee Dee was still in labor, but she was feeling no pain and having a grand time watching the Home Shopping Network on TV and placing orders as fast as she could.

Now, sitting in the swing on the piazza and enjoying the night air, Annie began to relax for the first time in weeks, even though she had concerns, some a result of what had occurred that day.