Janet Evanovich - Full Bloom

Annie sighed. "Okay, but please hurry."

Erdle studied the tray of cookies carefully. "Eenie-meenie-miny-mo—"

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Theenie said. "Just grab one and be done with it."

"Annie said I could have two."

Annie leaned against the counter and pressed her fingers to her temples. She could feel a headache coming on, but she was determined not to lose her temper.

Erdle selected a cookie from each tray and popped one of them in his mouth. "Hey, that's good."

The doorbell rang. "That's probably Jamie," Annie said. "She's dropping off her wedding dress."

"I'll get it," Theenie said, and hurried from the room.

Erdle made for the sink as he tossed the second cookie in his mouth and chomped down. "Ouch, damn!" he said, his hand flying to his jaw. "You must have put a rock in this one."

Annie frowned. "Huh?"

"I think I just broke a tooth on something hard." He pointed into his open mouth.

Annie sighed. Was there no end to all the craziness? She looked in Erdle's mouth. "Open wider," she said. He made an unintelligible sound and his mouth widened a smidgeon. Annie caught a flash of something gold. "My ring!" she cried, causing Lovelle to jump. Peaches sprang from the chair and hid behind a plant. "Don't swallow!"

Startled, Erdle immediately gulped, and the ring became lodged in his throat. He grabbed his neck with both hands. "Argh!" he said.

"Did you swallow it?" Annie shrieked, unaware that Theenie, Destiny, Jamie, and Vera were standing in the doorway with Fleas in tow. Peaches hissed and arched her back and then darted from behind the plant, claws bared. Fleas gave a yelp as Peaches raked one paw across his face. A howling Fleas turned and bounded from the kitchen with Peaches on his heels.

Erdle wheezed as he tried to suck in air.

"He's choking!" Lovelle said.

Annie grabbed him from the back and immediately began performing the Heimlich on him. Lovelle reached for a tumbler of orange juice on the counter and shoved it at him.

"Don't drink it!" Annie said.

Clearly panicked, Erdle ignored her, raising the glass to his lips and chugging. He swallowed and belched loudly.

"You swallowed it!" Annie yelled.

"Huh?" He blinked back dumbly.

She grabbed his shirt and shook him, almost causing him to drop the container of juice. "You swallowed my engagement ring!"

Theenie and Lovelle gasped.

"Spit it out!" Annie ordered, still shaking him.

"Miss Annie, stop!" he said.

"What's going on?" Jamie asked, trying to make herself heard over the commotion.

Theenie turned to her. "Wes gave Annie an engagement ring. She lost it. I think Erdle just swallowed it."

"Why would he do something stupid like that?" Vera said.

"It wasn't my fault," Erdle said, trying to catch his breath and pull free from Annie. "It was in the cookie."

"You and Wes are engaged?" Jamie asked Annie, clearly shocked.

Theenie and Lovelle managed to pull Erdle free of Annie's grasp. "Stop it, this instant!" Theenie told her. "You're supposed to be practicing anger management."

"He swallowed my ring!"

"It's not his fault," Theenie said. "The ring obviously slipped off your finger while you were making the cookies."

"Why didn't you tell me you and Wes had become engaged?" Jamie demanded.

Fleas tore through the kitchen and raced up the stairs, Peaches right behind him, snarling and hissing.

"It's not official," Annie said. "I'm still thinking about it." Something shattered upstairs, but it went ignored.

Erdle bolted toward the back door, but Annie was faster, throwing herself in front of him. "Oh no, you don't! I'm taking you to the emergency room to have your stomach pumped out."

The color drained from Erdle's face. He looked at Lovelle. "Do you have any vodka to go with the rest of this orange juice?"

Suddenly an earsplitting whistle pierced the air and everybody stopped in their tracks to see where it had come from. Vera pulled the whistle from her mouth. "Okay, I've listened to just about all I'm going to put up with," she said, "so I want everybody to shut up and do as I say." She pointed to Erdle. "Sit."

"Yes, ma'am." He pulled out the nearest chair and sat.

She looked at Jamie. "Go find those crazy animals and do something with them or I'm going to call the animal shelter and have them both picked up and you won't have a flower dog in your wedding."

Jamie nodded and raced up the stairs, calling out for Fleas.

"Now then," Vera said. "As I see it, there are only two ways to get to that ring, but having the poor man's stomach pumped out seems a bit extreme, so we'll have to take a different approach, if you get my drift."

Theenie nodded. "Why didn't I think of that? I have just the thing." She hurried up the stairs with the speed and agility of a woman half her age.

"Would somebody tell me what's goin' on?" Erdle asked.

"You'll find out soon enough," Vera told him.

Theenie returned, slightly out of breath, holding a large bottle. "This'll do the job," she said.

Annie stepped closer. "What is it?"

"Castor oil. My mother used to make us drink it when we got, um, clogged up. Once Erdle drinks this I guarantee you'll get your ring back, although it'll take a few hours at least. I want him to drink the whole bottle just to be sure."

"The whole bottle?" Annie asked.

"It won't hurt him," Theenie said. "Doctors used to have people drink this stuff all the time before certain tests."

"The whole bottle?" Annie repeated.

"Yep." Theenie uncapped the bottle.

"Oh no, you don't!" Erdle said, jumping from his chair. "You've lost your danged mind if you think I'm going to drink that nasty stuff."

Annie planted her hands on her hips. "You're going to drink it if I have to personally pour it down your throat."

"No way," he said, starting for the door.

"Let me take care of this," Vera said, pulling her Smith & Wesson.38 from her purse. She trained it on Erdle. "Maybe this will change your mind."

Everybody froze, including Erdle. "Lady, are you crazy? Put that thing down before you hurt somebody."

"Put that gun away, Vera," Jamie said from the bottom of the stairs. She held a hissing Peaches several feet in front of her, obviously trying to escape being clawed. "Have you forgotten all you had to go through after you shot the last person?"

Erdle swallowed and slid his gaze to Jamie. "You're saying this won't be her first homicide?" His voice squeaked.

"I haven't shot anybody in months," Vera said. "I only do it as a last resort."

Without taking his eyes off her, Erdle reclaimed his seat. Theenie handed him the bottle of castor oil. He took a sip and gagged. "Blah! That's the worst stuff I've ever tasted in my life! I can't go through with it."

Vera pulled the hammer back on the pistol. Erdle quickly took another slug. He shuddered and made a face; then, taking a deep breath, he turned the bottle up and drained it. "Satisfied?" he asked Vera.

She nodded, put the hammer in place, and stuffed the gun in her purse.

Jamie looked at Annie. "May I put the cat outside? Fleas won't come out from under your bed."

"Of course," she said. "Oh, and I'll make sure Peaches is out when you arrive tomorrow."

Jamie looked relieved as she headed toward the back door with the cat.

"The forecast is calling for rain," Theenie said. "Peaches is scared of the rain."

"It's not going to rain on Jamie's wedding day," Destiny said.

Annie shrugged. "Well, if it does, I'll ask Doc to babysit. Peaches likes Doc. He used to feed her and change her litter box when I went out of town."

"Can I go now?" Erdle said wearily. "I feel sick."

Annie closed the distance between them. "Don't you dare throw up, Erdle Thorney!" she said in a threatening voice.