Janet Evanovich - Full Bloom

"Annie's under a lot of stress," Theenie said, "and with good reason."

Annie clenched her teeth. "I am not stressed."

"You look stressed to me," Destiny said. "It doesn't take a psychic to figure that out."

"We have a famous person getting married here in two weeks," Theenie told Wes. "We're not allowed to say who because we don't want the media to find out, but he's more famous than Donald Trump. That's why our Annie is pulled tighter than a rubber band."

"I am not stressed," Annie repeated loudly.

Theenie lifted the ice pack and checked Wes's head. "Oh my, this doesn't look good. Not good at all."

"Let me see," Annie said.

Wes held up one hand as though to stop her. "Look, but don't touch."

Annie sighed and stepped closer, grimacing at the nasty-looking lump. The one on his forehead was beginning to swell as well. "I should probably take him to the emergency room."

"Good idea," Wes said. "I'll be able to file a police report for assault and battery."

"I don't think she really meant to hit you," Destiny said.

Annie felt herself nod in agreement, although she suspected it wouldn't hold much water with the man. He might be the best-looking thing she'd seen in a long time, but he was bound and determined to make her pay. Instead of trying to offer him another apology, which she knew he wouldn't accept, she hitched her chin high. "Perhaps you'll think twice before getting involved in other people's business."

He frowned but didn't reply.

"I think we should call Doc Holden," Theenie said. "He'll know what to do. He's just next door," she told Wes. "Won't take but a jiffy."

Annie made the call despite Wes's objections that he didn't need a doctor.

Five minutes later the back door was thrown open by an elderly white-haired man carrying a black doctor's bag. He glanced about the room until his gaze fell on Wes. "You must be the patient."

"I prefer to use the word victim," Wes said, darting a look in Annie's direction.

"What'd you say?"

"Doc, you might want to turn up your hearing aid," Annie said.

He shot her a disgruntled look as he fiddled with the flesh-colored object in one ear. "You're going to be old one day, young lady." He adjusted his glasses and lifted the ice pack from Wes's head. "Oh boy, that's a nasty-looking lump. What happened?"

"Some deranged woman hit me over the head with a rolling pin."

"That would be Annie," Doc replied.

"It was an accident, Doc," Annie said.

Theenie nodded. "She meant to clobber Erdle."

"What's this bump on your forehead?"

"Another accident," Annie said.

Doc sighed and looked at Annie. "How many times have I warned you about that temper of yours?"

"I wasn't trying to clobber anyone."

Doc suddenly noticed Destiny. "Don't I know you?"

She introduced herself: "I write a column for the newspaper. You've probably seen my picture."

"She's the Divine Love Goddess Adviser," Theenie said. "She's psychic."

Wes sighed. "Now I know I'm in a crazy house."

Destiny folded her arms across her chest, which was no easy task. "Excuse me, but that was a very rude thing to say."

Doc patted Wes's shoulder. "I know it looks a little kooky around here, son, but Annie can be quite pleasant when she isn't trying to do a person bodily harm."

Annie threw up her hands. "Jeez Louise! I give up."

"Now then," Doc began, "you do have quite a knot back there, but that's good." When Wes arched a brow in question, the old doctor went on. "It means the swelling is probably confined to the outside, and that lessens the risk of brain injury." He pulled a penlike gadget from his bag, flicked on a fight, and shined it in Wes's eyes. "How's your vision? Any blurring?"

Wes looked about the cheery kitchen with its tall white cabinets, partially wainscoted walls, and green-and-white-checkered wallpaper. "I'm fine."

"How bad is the pain?"

Wes grunted. "Feels like I've been hit over the head by a two-by-four. A couple of aspirin might help."

"You don't think I should take him to the ER?" Annie asked Doc.

"Not unless you plan on hitting him again." He reached into his bag and pulled out a small white envelope. "These tablets will help with the pain. You can take one every four to six hours."

Wes shook one of the large white tablets into his palm as Theenie went for water. "I need to escape this madhouse while I'm still able," he said.

Doc shook his head. "I don't recommend that you drive right now. Not with a head injury," he added. "And don't go to sleep, either. You don't appear to have a concussion, but we don't want to take any chances."

"What the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?" Wes asked.

Doc shrugged. "Make Annie cook you breakfast. It's the least she can do after trying to kill you."

Annie gaped. "Hellooo," she said, waving her hands in the air. "Has anybody heard a word I've said? I was not trying to kill him!" She flung her hands to her sides when nobody paid attention.

Theenie handed Wes a glass of water. He gave a huge sigh and popped the pill into his mouth, but it was so large he had to swallow several times to get it down. He reached into his back pocket for his wallet. "What do I owe you, Doctor?"

Doc chuckled as he snapped his black bag closed. "Not a thing," he said. "I stopped practicing veterinary medicine a long time ago."

Wes looked up in disbelief. "You're a veterinarian?" He turned to Annie. "You called an animal doctor to treat me?"

"He was close by," she said defensively.

A clatter sounded from the top of the stairs leading into the kitchen. Wes looked up. "What was that?" he asked.

"I didn't hear anything," Annie said quickly.

"This house is haunted," Destiny said, drawing a gasp from Theenie.

Wes just looked at her.

Doc shook his head. "Well, I'd better get back to what I was doing," he said. He started for the door with Annie on his heels. He paused suddenly. "Wish I could remember what I was doing." He shrugged. "Oh well, it'll come to me eventually."

"Don't forget your bag," Theenie said.

"Ooopsie-daisy, can't leave that behind." Doc took the bag. "It's tough getting old," he told Wes. "My mind isn't as sharp as it used to be. Take care of that head now. I don't want to have to put you down." He chuckled as he walked out.

Annie watched him go. In the backyard, Erdle was picking up branches. She gave a hopeful sigh.

"I hope I'm not as forgetful as Doc when I get old," Theenie said.

"You are old," Destiny blurted, and then covered her mouth when the woman looked hurt. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to say that. I didn't sleep well last night, what with that spirit on the loose."

"You're beginning to scare me," Theenie said.

Wes turned to Annie. "You let a crazy, senile veterinarian treat me?"

"He's not really senile," she said. "He's, um, forgetful. I don't think he's crazy, either. He was just kidding about putting you to sleep."

"That's good to know."

She offered him a tight smile. "Well now, it looks like you're stuck with us for a while. At least until we're sure you're going to be okay. How about I cook you something to eat like Doc suggested?"

Wes shook his head. "No thanks."

"Then I'll make a fresh pot of coffee," Annie offered. "Like Doc said, you don't want to go to sleep."

He gave a grunt. "Lady, I wouldn't think of closing my eyes in this house."

Annie had just put on the coffee when the doorbell rang. She hurried to answer it and was surprised to find Jamie Swift standing on the other side, her dog, Fleas, beside her. "Oh, crap." Annie had forgotten they were supposed to meet that morning.

"Nice to see you, too, Annie."