Janet Evanovich - Full Bloom

"Run, you lazy good-for-nothing drunk!" the woman yelled.

The man ducked behind one of several oaks shading the backyard. "Put that thing down, Miss Annie!" he cried. "You're liable to hurt somebody."

"Damn right!" she said.

"Please don't hit him," a gray-haired woman pleaded from the back steps of the house. Beside her, a woman with long black hair and large breasts cheered Miss Annie on.

"Give him what for, Annie," she said laughingly.

The redhead chased the frightened man around the tree several times. She slammed the rolling pin against the bark twice, missing the man by a good twelve inches. Nevertheless, he continued to duck and run. "Help!" he cried. "Somebody save me!"

"Oh, for the love of—" Wes leaped the fence and ran toward the two. "Lady, stop!" he shouted.

* * * * *

Annie darted around the tree once more as Erdle tried to maintain a safe distance, all the while crying out for help. He ran pretty fast for someone who'd just come home from a three-day drunk, she thought. She could see the fear in his eyes as she smacked the tree again with her rolling pin. She had no intention of actually hitting Erdle, but she wasn't about to let him know that. She was so intent on her chase that she paid no heed to the chorus of voices behind her.

She was only vaguely aware of movement beside her as she raised the rolling pin high in the air and aimed once more for the tree. A disembodied hand shot into her line of vision, and her aim faltered. There was a loud, resounding thwack, and Theenie screamed. Annie heard a dull thud, spun around, and froze when she spied a brown-haired man sprawled across the ground. She gasped and dropped the rolling pin, then let out a squeal when it fell and bounced off the man's forehead.

"Now look what you've gone and done!" Erdle said, pointing.

Annie's eyes flew open in horror as she stared down at the handsome unshaved man in worn jeans, T-shirt, black denim jacket, and biker boots. "Where on earth did he come from?" she cried.

Theenie and Destiny raced down the steps and across the backyard as the stranger lay there unmoving.

Theenie gaped in horror. "You killed him!"

"Dang right she killed him," Erdle said. "If the first blow didn't do it, the second one surely did."

The man groaned and pushed himself into a sitting position. He rubbed the back of his head and winced. "What the hell?"

Annie knelt beside him. His hair was the color of Brazil nuts, thick and slightly wavy, falling just past his collar. He wasn't a local; she would have remembered him. "I'm so sorry," she said. "Are you hurt? Here, let me help you up."

Menacing brown eyes locked with hers. "Don't touch me, lady. What are you, crazy?"

"That's exactly what she is," Erdle said. "Mean and crazy."

Annie glared at Erdle. "Don't give me any lip, mister. I'm not finished with you."

"If you come near me I'm calling the cops," Erdle said. "I'm going to get me some of that hot pepper spray or maybe one of those stun guns. Or maybe I'll get me a big Doberman or a pit bull—"

"Shut up, Erdle, or I'll snatch you bald-headed!" Theenie shouted, causing the group to pause in surprise. She sniffed, folded her hands properly, and gave the stranger a saccharine sweet smile. "Excuse me, sir," she said ever so politely, "but I used to be a nurse's aide, and I think I'd better have a look at your head. Would you mind very much?"

Wes looked at her. "Are you armed?"

"I don't believe in keeping weapons. You're safe with me."

After a moment, he shrugged.

While the others watched, Theenie carefully parted his hair. "Oh my," she said. "You've already got a nasty lump. I need to put ice on it."

"What about my forehead?" Wes said, wincing when he touched it.

"It's not so bad. Erdle, help this gentleman to his feet. We need to get him inside."

"I can manage," Wes answered gruffly. He stood, towering over the rest of the group. He jabbed a finger toward Annie. "Stay away from me; you got that?"

Annie drew herself up to her full height, but at five foot two she was a good twelve inches shorter than the man. His shoulders were wide, at least twice the width of hers. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I said I was sorry."

"Sorry doesn't get it," he said. "The only thing I need from you is the name of your lawyer."

Annie gawked at him. Lawyer! He planned to sue her! She would lose everything, her home and the business she'd worked night and day for the past three years to build. She would have to try to get her old bookkeeping job back at Bates's Furniture.

"Oh dear," Theenie said. "You can't sue Annie. She doesn't have any money."

"That's right," Erdle said. "Her grandma invested all her money in one of them Viagra-like drugs, but it was yanked off the market when men started having embarrassing and prolonged erections."

Annie closed her eyes and wished she could crawl beneath something and never come out. She could feel the man's eyes on her, but she was determined to remain cool. She would deal with Erdle later. Right now she needed to try to dissuade this angry stranger from taking legal action. "Excuse me, but you were trespassing on my property, and I didn't even see you come up behind me."

Wes opened his mouth to reply, but Theenie interrupted.

"Now, now, let's not fuss," she said. "We need to see to this young man's head. Come this way, Mr …"

"Bridges," he said. "Wes."

"And I'm Theenie," she replied, motioning for him to follow her to the house.

Wes glanced in Annie's direction once more before doing as he was told. The others fell into line behind him. Annie tried not to notice how nicely the man's jeans molded to his backside, but Wes Bridges was a definite ten in the rear-end department. Oh, Lord, what was she thinking? The poor man could be seriously hurt, he would probably sue her from here to Timbuktu, and she was staring at his behind. She shouldn't have spent the morning hearing about Destiny's sex life. Annie could almost smell the testosterone oozing from his pores. And she wasn't the only one looking; Destiny was eyeballing him as well.

Once inside, Theenie pointed to one of the ladder-back chairs. "Have a seat, Wes, and I'll get an ice pack."

He did as he was told, but the dark scowl on his face told Annie he was not a happy man.

"That could be me sitting there," Erdle said, standing just inside the door, holding the screen open as though preparing to bolt. "You could have knocked my brains out, Miss Annie!"

She turned to him. "I've never so much as laid a hand on you, Erdle Thorney. I was just trying to scare some sense into you. Some handyman you are. The yard is a mess! Have you forgotten we have an important wedding here in two weeks?"

"Somebody is actually going to marry you?" Wes asked in disbelief.

"She's already married," Theenie said, "but her husband left her three years ago."

"You're looking at one dangerous woman," Erdle said.

Annie pointed. "Out!" she ordered him. "Go pack your bags. I'm evicting you."

Erdle gaped. "But Miss Annie, you can't just throw me out. Your dear grandmother, God rest her soul, was perfectly happy with my work."

"That's before you began spending all your time in the bars."

"I'll get started on the yard work right away," Erdle said. "You just make me a list of what you want done." He hurried out the door before she could reply.

"This is a crazy house," Wes told Theenie as she placed the ice pack on his head.

Destiny gave a snort. "You don't know the half of it."

Annie noticed Wes giving Destiny the once-over, which was no surprise. Any woman who had breasts out to there was bound to draw attention, and the come-hither look Destiny returned obviously did not go unnoticed, because one side of his lip turned up slightly. Annie wished she'd hit him harder. "This is not a crazy house," she said. "You just happened to show up at a bad time."