William Johnston: Max Smart and the Ghastly Ghost Affair

He opened his eyes. “Yes. . I. . what happened?”

“My fault again, Chief,” 99 said apologetically. “I forgot what happens when that pillow is moved. Did you break anything this time?”

“I don’t know-did I? It sounded like china shattering.

“Don’t worry about that. I mean you,” 99 said. “Try to stand up.”

The Chief shook his head. “No. I’m going to stay right here in the corner until I finish filling you in on this assignment,” he said. “If I don’t, I’ll be going to a hospital instead of back to headquarters when I leave here. Now. . where was I?”

“You were diving across the coffee table, Chief,” Max told him. “And very gracefully, too-considering, of course, that you weren’t prepared for it.”

“I mean where was I in the briefing?”

“Oh. Well, you’d just told us that the KAOS assassins won’t be wearing badges.”

“That’s right,” the Chief nodded. “I can’t suggest any way to identify them. They’ll probably look like common ordinary everyday people. But, somehow, you’ll have to locate them on that train, and then follow them wherever they go. That’s the important thing. We have to find out where that meeting is being held.”

“Chief, there’s an easier way, you know,” Max said.

“There is-how?”

“Well, we know the assassins will be on the train,” Max said. “So, why don’t we just take all the passengers into custody and re-educate them all? That way, we’d be bound to get the assassins.”

“Max. . I’m afraid that would get us into a bit of trouble.”

“How? Who would tell? All the passengers would be re-educated. They wouldn’t know what happened to them.”

“No, Max, we can’t do that,” the Chief said. “Besides, it wouldn’t be a guarantee of success. You see, it’s Arbuthnot we really want the most. He knows more about assassination than any man alive. If we could snare him and then relieve him of all that information- Well, obviously, it would be a great day for Control.”

“That makes my idea all the better,” Max said. “If we took all the passengers into custody, we’d get Arbuthnot, too. How could we miss?”

“Max, we’re not sure that Arbuthnot will be on the train. The KAOS communication we intercepted ordered all the U.S. assassins to take that train, but there was no mention of Arbuthnot. He might be flying to the meeting place. Or hitchhiking, for all we know.”

Max sighed. “Okay, I guess we’ll have to do it the hard way,” he said. “Now, let me get it straight. We board the train and then we come back here to the apartment. After-”

“Max, no!” the Chief broke in. “Why come back here to the apartment?”

“To get the tickets,” Max replied. “I always forget the tickets.”

“I’ll take the tickets, Max,” 99 said. “After all, what’s a wife for?”

“Okay,” Max said. “We board the train and we locate the KAOS assassins. We stay with them until they arrive at the meeting place, then we go to the nearest telephone-”

“No, Max,” the Chief interrupted again.

“You’re right, Chief. We locate them, then I call you on my shoe phone. Then-”

“No, Max,” the Chief said.

“Do we locate them?” Max asked.

“Yes, that part is correct,” the Chief nodded. “But it probably won’t be possible for you to telephone me. KAOS has developed a communications neutralizer. It can make all the normal means of communication for miles around inoperative. They will undoubtedly have a communications neutralizer at the meeting place. So, you will not be able to phone me or telegraph me.”

“I could write you a letter,” Max suggested.

“These days, it would take too long to reach me.”

“Smoke signals?”

“No, Max. But there is a way.” The Chief got what looked like a coin from his pocket and handed it to Max. “What does this look like?” he said.

Max scrutinized it closely for a second. “A penny?”

“Yes. . but what kind of a penny, Max?”

Max turned the coin over and over. “An Indian-head penny?” he guessed.

“Max, look closer.”

“Oh, yes. . I see. .” Max said after a second. “That’s not an Indian, is it? It’s. . now, don’t tell me-I know him. I’ve seen him in old newsreels. . wearing that Indian head-dress. It’s. . uh. .” He shrugged. “I give up.”

“Max, that’s a Coolidge-head penny,” the Chief said.

“Sure! That’s right. How many of these did they mint, Chief?”

“None!” the Chief replied. “That’s the only Coolidge-head penny in existence, Max. We made it that way so you could carry it in your pocket and yet identify it quickly when you needed it. Do you have any idea what it really is?”

Max inspected the penny again. “A Hoover-head nickel?” he guessed.

“No! It’s a communications neutralizer neutralizer!”

“Oh. . sure. Max nodded. “I see. With this Coolidge-head penny, I can neutralize KAOS’ communications neutralizer, and then the phones will work.”

“Even better than that, Max,” the Chief said. “When you rub that penny it sends out a signal. That signal will be picked up at Control headquarters. Then, we’ll be able to home in on it and locate the meeting place and take all those KAOS assassins-including Arbuthnot-into custody.”

“That’s wonderful, Chief!” 99 said.

“That’s more than Coolidge was able to do,” Max said. He dropped the penny into his pocket. “Is there anything else. Chief?”

“No,” the Chief replied. “Just. . just help me up. . and let me get out of here before any more of those booby traps go off.”

Max and 99 assisted the Chief in getting to his feet, then walked to the door with him.

“The tickets are in here,” the Chief said, handing 99 an envelope. “Don’t miss that train.”

“Don’t worry, Chief.”

Max opened the door. “Sure you wouldn’t like to take a doggy bag of toast and coffee with you?” he said.

“Yes, I’m pretty sure about that,” the Chief replied. He stepped out into the corridor. “Don’t forget, now-we’ll be waiting for that signal at headquarters.”

“Got it,” Max nodded. “So long, Chief,” he said, starting to close the door.

“Oh. . and drop in anytime, Chief!” 99 called.

“No, 99!” Max said.

From the corridor came the sound of a crash. Then the Chief could be heard expressing himself in a way that indicated a certain degree of dissatisfaction with current conditions.

“What happened?” 99 asked Max, baffled.

“That’s a booby trap I forgot to tell you about,” Max explained. “Never say ‘Drop in anytime’ to anyone who’s leaving, 99. That particular phrase trips a trap door in the corridor.”

99 looked, horrified, at the closed door. The Chief’s complaints could still be heard-but much more faintly now. “Max, we better do something!”

“That’s been taken care of,” Max informed her, turning away. “The trap door opens into a doctor’s office on the ground floor. By now, the Chief is in good hands.”

Max and 99 spent the rest of the morning packing. It took considerable time because they were not sure where they were going. As the Chief had pointed out, the train might take the KAOS assassins only on the first leg of the trip to the meeting site. Consequently, Max and 99 might end up in the South, the North, the East or the West. So, they packed fur parkas, tennis shorts, ski boots, sandals, ear muffs and swim suits, and so forth and so on. Just guessing, Max speculated that their baggage weighed seven tons. As a result, they left it where it was-in the living room, kitchen, up the stairs, and in the bedroom-tossed a change of underwear into a manila envelope and left for the train station.