R. Stine: Monster Blood IV

“Mom made one sleeve a little too long,” Evan explained. He didn’t want to tell his aunt about Conan.

Why look for trouble?

Conan promised that next time he’d pull Evan’s right arm until it fit the sleeve!

“Evan picked a fight with Conan,” Kermit reported.

Aunt Dee’s mouth dropped open. “You shouldn’t start fights, Evan.”

Evan glared at Kermit. Why was the little creep always trying to get Evan in trouble?

“That boy Conan is big,” Aunt Dee commented. “You really shouldn’t pick on him.”

Good advice, Evan thought bitterly. He lifted the mile-long sweater sleeve, then let it drop back to the floor.

“I’m going to fix Conan,” Kermit declared. “I mixed up a formula that grows hair. I’m going to give it to Conan to drink — and he’ll grow hair on his tongue. Whenever he tries to talk, he’ll just go, ‘Woffff woffff.’”

Aunt Dee laughed. “Kermit, stop!” she scolded. “You’re starting to sound like a mad scientist!”

“I am a mad scientist!” Kermit declared proudly.

He and his mother laughed. But Evan couldn’t even force a smile.

It’s no joke, Evan thought. Kermit really is a mad scientist. He spends all his time down in his lab in the basement mixing bottles of green stuff with bottles of blue stuff.

One afternoon down in the lab, Evan asked Kermit what he was trying to discover. “I’m searching for a secret formula,” Kermit replied, pouring a red liquid into a test tube.

“A secret formula that will do what?” Evan had asked.

“How should I know?” Kermit exclaimed. “It’s secret!”

Now Evan had to spend the next ten days watching Kermit do his mad scientist act. And somehow he had to keep Kermit out of trouble.

“I’m so glad you’re staying with us,” Aunt Dee told Evan. “I just think it’s great that you two cousins are so close.”

“Yeah. Great,” Evan muttered.

“Wofff wofff!” Kermit declared, giggling.

Aunt Dee led the two of them to Kermit’s room at the back of the house. Kermit had a foldout bed where Evan would sleep.

Books and computer disks and papers and science magazines cluttered the floor. Evan had to step around a giant plastic model of the solar system to get to the dresser.

Aunt Dee helped him unpack his suitcase. Then she said, “You two run along. Go outside or something. I’m going into the kitchen to make dinner.”

Dinner. The word sent a chill down Evan’s back.

“What are we having?” he asked.

“It’s a surprise,” Aunt Dee told him.

Another chill.

“I brought my Super-Soaker,” Evan told Kermit. “Let’s go outside and have a water fight.”

Kermit shook his head. “I don’t think so.” He led the way down the basement stairs to his science lab. “I want to show you something.”

Evan stared at the shelves of jars and bottles and test tubes, all brimming with mysterious, dangerous materials. “I really don’t feel safe—” he started.

Something bumped him hard from behind.

Evan spun around and gazed down at Dogface, Kermit’s huge sheepdog. “Stop bumping me!” Evan snapped.

The dog stuck out his fat tongue and licked Evan’s hand. It left a sticky gob of dog drool in his palm.

“Dogface likes you,” Kermit said.

“Yuck,” Evan groaned. He searched the lab table for a paper towel to wipe off the gunk.

“I want to try a little test,” Kermit told him.

“No way!” Evan protested. “No little tests! The last time you tried a little test, you turned my nose blue.”

“That was a mistake,” Kermit replied. “This test is different. This test isn’t dangerous.” He raised his right hand. “I swear.”

“What do I have to do?” Evan asked warily. “Drink something and have my tongue grow hair?”

Kermit shook his head. “No. I’m not ready to test that on a human yet.”

“Good,” Evan said, relieved. “Let’s get our Super-Soakers and go outside.” Evan really wanted to have a water fight. It was the only time he was allowed to attack Kermit and get away with it!

“After the test,” Kermit replied. “The test only takes a minute. I promise.”

Evan sighed. “Okay. What do I have to do?”

Kermit held up a black bandanna. “A blindfold,” he said. “Put it on.”

“Excuse me?” Evan cried, backing away. “Do you really think I’m going to let you blindfold me?”

“It isn’t dangerous!” Kermit insisted in his high, shrill voice. “I just want to see if you can identify something. That’s all. It will take a second.”

Evan argued with his cousin for a while longer. But he ended up slipping on the blindfold. “Promise we’ll go outside after this?”

“Promise,” Kermit replied. He checked to make sure Evan’s blindfold was tight. Then he took Evan’s hand and lifted it to a big glass jar.

He pushed Evan’s hand into the jar. “Tell me what’s in the jar,” Kermit instructed.

Staring at total blackness, Evan wrapped his hand around something warm and prickly.

“Hmmmm…” What is it? he wondered. What could it be?

As he tried to identify it, he felt something crawl up the back of his hand. It slipped under his shirt cuff and crawled up his arm.

“Huh?”

He felt a soft, pinching sensation on his hand.

Something prickled his wrist.

What is it? What is it?

He couldn’t take it anymore. He ripped away the blindfold.

Gazed into the jar.

And then let out a horrified scream.

“Tarantulas?” Evan shrieked.

One of the hairy creatures clung to his arm underneath his shirtsleeve. Another inched its way across the back of his hand.

“Don’t scream like that,” Kermit warned, his eyes locked on Evan’s arm.

“What kind of test is this?” Evan shrieked. “What are you trying to prove?”

Kermit didn’t look up from the crawling tarantulas. “Someone told me that tarantulas won’t bite you,” he explained. “Unless they sense your fear.”

“Are you kidding me?” Evan cried. “Sense my fear ?”

“Ssshhhh.” Kermit raised a finger to his lips. “Be very calm. Calm… calm…” He grinned at Evan. “This is an interesting experiment — isn’t it?”

“I’ll kill you!” Evan screamed. “I’ll kill you for this, Kermit! When I’m finished with you, you’ll go ‘woffff woffff’ for the rest of your life!”

“Careful,” Kermit warned softly. “Your arm is shaking. Don’t let them see your fear.”

Evan struggled to steady his arm. One tarantula prickled his wrist. Another one stood on the back of his hand.

“Get these off !” Evan demanded in a frantic whisper. “I’m warning you — HEEEEY!”

Evan felt a hard bump from behind.

Dogface again!

Startled, Evan’s hands shot up — and two tarantulas went flying.

One landed with a soft THUD on the lab table.

The other landed on Evan’s head.

Evan gasped. He felt eight pointy tarantula legs scrambling through his hair.

“Don’t upset it,” Kermit instructed. “Be very calm. Don’t let it know you’re afraid. A tarantula bite can be very painful.”

“Hey, guys — what’s going on down there?” Aunt Dee’s voice rang through the basement.

“Evan is playing with my tarantulas,” Kermit reported.

Playing?

Evan wanted to scream. He pictured Kermit eating a tarantula sandwich.

No. That’s not a good enough punishment, he decided.

“Well, it’s too nice a day to stay down in the basement playing with spiders,” Aunt Dee scolded.

“My tarantulas aren’t just any old spiders!” Kermit fumed.