Рита Браун - Sneaky Pie For President

I believe we cannot breed past the food and water supply. Population control of all species will be a difficult subject, a challenge to resolve, but we must, and I pledge to begin the discussions.

I promise you I will think clearly. For instance, if a cat has kittens in the oven, that doesn’t make them biscuits. I will never try to confuse you with tricky stuff.

I recognize that some predators are more dangerous than others. I will do my best to make appointments that allow for harmony.

For all my Cabinet positions, I will request a veterinary report. For the humans in my Cabinet, I will have the vet check them out, too.

Additional Campaign Information

The Constitution does not specify that only a human can run for the office of President. One must be born a U.S. citizen and be thirty-five years of age or older. I qualify. I am fourteen, which in cat years is older than thirty-five, having been born in Albemarle County, Virginia. I currently live in Nelson County, Virginia.

I need help in my campaign. I am not allowed by law or my publisher to solicit funds. Should you wish to help in any fashion, perhaps be my campaign chair in your state, go to:

www.catprez.com

My Facebook page is www.facebook.com/sneakypiebrown

If all goes well, I will be able to hire Spotted Dog Productions, a mix of canine and human skills, to make weekly videos for you to download on all manner of devices.

Thank you for considering me. Even if I do not become your candidate, please take citizenship seriously. Without your political participation, there will be change, but it probably won’t be the change that you would like to see.

Forward,

Sneaky Pie Brown

Rita Mae Brown,

Human Campaign Manager

Tee Tucker,

Canine Campaign Manager

A Note from Rita Mae Brown

You never know. Behind my back, Sneaky Pie wrote out her political manifesto. If you picked up this book expecting a mystery, it’s not. Well, life’s a mystery, but this is a feline author’s desire for more representative government.

Since I believe the difference between the Republican and Democratic parties is the difference between syphilis and gonorrhea, I have given up. Part of this despair is fueled by what I see in candidates as well as many elected officials: They have exaggerated ideas of their own supremacy, to which minds not normal are especially inclined. Perhaps it was always this way and I now truly see it, or perhaps we are going through a particularly vicious cycle. But I fear nothing much can get done when people or political parties are extremist in views while demonizing all other outlooks. Compromise is possible only between parties, both of which can acknowledge to some extent the force of the other’s position.

Therefore I am facing this presidential election with courageous indifference. It’s touching that Sneaky Pie is energized. Given all the aggressive banality, I’d settle for competent mediocrity. However, she will not.

Touching though her political program may be, I was unhappy to find myself described herein as the Can Opener, C.O. for short. That cat knows my Christian name perfectly well. Despite this blow to my ego, I was fascinated with how she and the other animals look at what is needed for a good life.

She has a clear vision, not clouded by ideology. She also refuses to engage in religious debate or pressure. This is wise, since it’s getting crowded at the foot of the Cross.

With all the detritus of vested interests stripped away, the path does seem clear. The first thing one must take care of is Mother Earth. The next thing one must do is defend one’s borders. For Sneaky that always meant her hunting radius, but she now sees beyond that and perhaps farther than I do. She’s basic. If you can’t work and eat, what good are volumes of legislation about so many incidentals? I’m coming around to her views.

She can’t be bought off. I can. I’d like to start with a flawless six-carat emerald-cut diamond, the color of gin and tonic. She’s better than I am. Even catnip won’t turn her head … much.

So she will be my candidate. Not only do I believe in her honesty, I do know that he who denies skimmed milk to the cat must give the mouse cream.

Always and Ever,

Rita Mae Brown / C.O.

In honor of the

Montblanc Diplomat

.

Perfection. Pure and Simple

.

BOOKS BY RITA MAE BROWN & SNEAKY PIE BROWN

Wish You Were Here

Rest in Pieces

Murder at Monticello

Pay Dirt

Murder, She Meowed

Murder on the Prowl

Cat on the Scent

Sneaky Pie’s Cookbook for

Mystery Lovers

Pawing Through the Past

Claws and Effect

The Big Cat Nap

Catch as Cat Can

The Tail of the Tip-Off

Whisker of Evil

Cat’s Eyewitness

Sour Puss

Puss ’n Cahoots

The Purrfect Murder

Santa Clawed

Cat of the Century

Hiss of Death

BOOKS BY RITA MAE BROWN FEATURING “SISTER” JANE ARNOLD

Outfoxed

Hotspur

Full Cry

The Hunt Ball

The Hounds and the Fury

The Tell-Tale Horse

Hounded to Death

BOOKS BY RITA MAE BROWN

Animal Magnetism: My Life with

Creatures Great and Small

The Hand That Cradles the Rock

Songs to a Handsome Woman

The Plain Brown Rapper

Rubyfruit Jungle

In Her Day

Six of One

Southern Discomfort

Sudden Death

High Hearts

Started from Scratch

A Different Kind of Writer’s

Manual

Bingo

Venus Envy

Dolley: A Novel of Dolley

Madison in Love and War

Riding Shotgun

Rita Will: Memoir of a Literary

Rabble-Rouser

Loose Lips

Alma Mater

Sand Castle

DON’T MISS THE TAIL-WAGGING NEW MYSTERY SERIES—

A NOSE FOR JUSTICE

AND

MURDER UNLEASHED!

About the Authors

RITA MAE BROWN has written many bestsellers and received two Emmy nominations. She loves to write, as the list of published works in the front of this book proves. She hopes you love what you do. She and Sneaky Pie live with several other rescued animals.

SNEAKY PIE BROWN, a tiger cat rescue, has written many mysteries—witness her list at the front of this book. Having to share credit with the above-named human is a small irritant, but she manages it. Anything is better than typing, which is what “Big Brown” does for the series. Sneaky calls her human that name behind her back, after the wonderful Thoroughbred racehorse. As her human is rather small, it brings giggles among the other animals. Sneaky’s main character—Mrs. Murphy, a tiger cat—is a bit sweeter than Miss Pie, who can be caustic.