Janet Evanovich - Wicked Business

“That’s a good thing.”

“It’s boring and useless. And its influence has turned my minion into a worthless, slobbering romantic. He’s convinced he’s in love with your counter girl.”

“And you?” I asked. “Have you been affected by the stone?”

“It would be difficult to tell,” Wulf said. “I’ve always been a romantic. I’ve seen Casablanca twice, and I sat through the entire ordeal of Titanic .”

“Didn’t you enjoy Titanic ?”

“I was relieved when the ship went down.”

Wulf had a sense of humor, sort of. Who would have thought.

“Are you going to disappear in a flash of light and a cloud of smoke?” I asked him.

“I hadn’t planned on it,” Wulf said. “My car is here. I was going to drive away. Are you disappointed?”

“A little.”

He swept his arm out, there was a flash of light and a lot of smoke, and when the smoke cleared Wulf was gone. So was his car.

That’s one heck of a parlor trick, I thought.

Glo and Clara were waiting for me when I went back into the bakery.

“What was that about?” Clara asked.

I told them about the stone and how it had changed and was no longer of any use to Wulf.

“So instead of the Lust Stone, it’s the True Love Stone,” Glo said. “That’s so cool. We should take it out tonight for a test-drive. I might be able to find the one .”

“I thought the bellringer was the one,” Clara said.

“Me, too. He had real potential, but it turned out he was married. And he wasn’t even a bellringer. He was a janitor.”

“How does the stone work?” Clara wanted to know. “Is it like a Ouija board, telling you yes, or no, or forget about it? Does it sniff out your soul mate? Does it make you fall in love?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “It didn’t come with instructions.”

“We should definitely take it out,” Glo said.

“I agree,” Clara said. “It’s been sitting around for centuries, probably. It needs a night out.”

Diesel texted me saying he’d be home for dinner but not much before. I thought this was a nice change from having him pick me up at work and drag me off on a hunt for some enchanted relic. When I got to Marblehead, I stopped to get groceries and a bottle of wine. I let myself into my house, said hello to Cat and Carl, and took a moment to enjoy the quiet. I set the SALIGIA Stone on the kitchen counter and put the food away. By the time Diesel walked in, I had the table set and a steak ready to go on the grill.

“Where were you?” I asked him.

“I took the tablet to the office.”

“You found out where the office is located?”

“Yeah. Turns out it’s in Quincy. At least that’s where it was today.” He paused and looked at the SALIGIA Stone. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Wulf gave it back to me. He said I changed the stone when I helped him, and now it’s an icky True Love Stone.”

“He said ‘icky True Love Stone’?”

“Not in those words, but I knew what he meant. And he said he owed me, and this was partial payment for his debt.”

“I wish I’d known. I could have taken the stone with me to Quincy.”

“You can’t take it yet. I promised Glo and Clara we could take the stone out tonight to see if we could find true love.”

“Let me get this straight. You have a priceless, powerful relic that has been carefully guarded for centuries, and you’re going to take it to a bar to see if it gets you hooked up?”

“More or less.”

“That’s impressive.”

After dinner, I changed into my best jeans and a black V-necked sweater. I put on some slut makeup, slipped my feet into high-heeled ankle boots, and hung big hoop earrings from my ears.

“The stone is going to be overkill for you tonight,” Diesel said. “You’re not going to have any trouble finding true love in those jeans and that sweater. In fact, you might find it if you stayed home.”

A horn beeped outside.

“That’s Clara,” I said. “She’s picking me up. She’s the designated driver.”

Diesel went to the door with me. “Be good.”

I grabbed my jacket and my shoulder bag and ran to the car.

“Do you have it?” Glo asked when I got in.

“It’s in my purse.”

“Can I see it?”

I hauled the stone out.

“It’s sort of ugly,” Glo said. “It’s just a plain old rock. Are you sure it’s special?”

“Yes. And we have to guard it with our lives. And we can’t tell anyone we have it.”

Clara drove out of Marblehead and took Derby Street to Bum’s Sports Bar. There were lots of televisions playing various sporting events that no one was watching. High-top tables and stools. And a long bar that was packed with zombies and werewolves. We elbowed our way into the bar, and Glo and I got a beer, and Clara got a Coke.

“Okay, so here’s the deal,” I said. “I’m not sure what the stone is supposed to do, so I guess we stand here and see if it radiates anything from inside my purse.”

“I think I’m feeling something,” Glo said. “I might be in love with the werewolf next to me.”

Clara and I looked over at him.

“He seems like your average werewolf,” Clara said.

The werewolf picked up on our attention and turned to us. “Arwoooh,” he said. “Are you looking for someone?”

“Sort of,” Glo said.

“Well, how do you feel about dogs? I can go from furry to naked in 1.3 seconds.”

“Now I remember why I never do this,” Clara said.

“How about you?” Glo asked, turning from the werewolf to me. “You’re the one carrying the stone. Do you have romantic feelings for any of these zombies?”

“Not yet.”

I didn’t have feelings for the zombies, but I was feeling cuddly for someone I couldn’t completely identify. Diesel, maybe. Or possibly Brad Pitt.

We stuck it out for another twenty minutes. There was a lot of hooking up going on, but not for us.

“I think the stone is a dud,” Glo said. “I have better luck on my own.”

“Maybe it’s that the stone finds true love, and our true love isn’t here,” I said. “If it was still the Luxuria Stone inspiring lust, we’d be in the right spot.”

“This is sort of embarrassing, but I had some lust for Wulf today,” Glo said.

“I had lust for Andy Sklar,” Clara said.

Glo chugged her second beer. “Isn’t he the guy who comes in every day and gets a banana muffin?”

“Yeah,” Clara said. “I think he’s cute.”

They looked at me.

“Diesel,” I said. “I have a lot of lust for Diesel.”

They both knew I couldn’t do the deed with Diesel.

“Forbidden fruit,” Clara said.

We left the bar and stepped outside, where the Halloween crazies were parading up and down the sidewalk.

“There are more trolls than usual this year,” Clara said.

I was relatively new to Salem, and I had a hard time telling trolls from ghouls. For that matter, I had a hard time with the whole Halloween obsession. I mean, I like Halloween, but this was Halloween gone gonzo.

“The Exotica Shoppe is open late tonight,” Glo said. “It’s only a block away. Could we check on my frickberry?”

We walked the block to the Exotica Shoppe, and I held tight to my handbag the whole way. I was feeling the responsibility of the stone, thinking I’d done a dumb thing. What if I was attacked by a purse snatcher? What if Anarchy somehow discovered the crystal wasn’t the SALIGIA Stone, and she was out looking for me? What if my absorption of the stone’s power hits critical mass and I find my true love? And now for the really scary part-what if it’s Wulf?