Lisa Allen-Agostini - Trinidad Noir

fine linens

men’s and women’s shoes

female lingerie & hosiery

women’s lipsticks & powders

sherry & wine

champagne

brandy

Spanish salted hams

Dutch Edam cheeses

medicines

writing paper & pens

dear mr robot:

i wish to broach a certain topic wid u mr robot & i hope 2 EJUCATE u lil bit bout how we feels here in t’dad, & what is de proper attitude & etiquette involve, & dat is de subjec of PUMS, cause las night when we did finish up wid we TURD sweet jook fa de night mother of jesus!!! & we was lyin dere catching de cool relaxin lil bit & i was feelin so NICE mr robot, so comfortable & relax, & i jus let a good one fly, & stink good enough from all dem delicious curry crabbacks we enjoy so much from we dinner down by krishnahouse, & fresh seamoss drink, & in trut mr robot when i let dat pum go & stinkin up pretty good, straightway u pinch u nostrils & look at me all squeezeface & disgust like i is bushmonkey wid no manners, but dat only go to show mr robot how u dont understand nuttin bout how we feel in t’dad & what is de important HEALTH ISSUES involve in de subject of PUMS, same as BELCHES as a matter of fac

cause here in t’dad nobody would never make such a fuss and make u feel bad and look pon u all squeezeface and disgust when u let a good pum lose like dat, jus de OPPOSITE mr robot, people here in t’dad understan how pums is a natural organic process & nuttin to feel shame a-tall but only a tru expression & celebration of de goodness of life & mr robot why u want to hol DAT back? & not let it show how u feel happy & content in de moment & SHARE dat happiness wid other people? cause lord only know, human beins come out de womb pummin, & we all go 2 we grave pummin 2, so why u want to hide it way? & in trut mr robot de bes ting dat could ever happen to u in my opinion, & de bes ting dat we trinis could teach all a u fockin yankees, is to let youself loose lil bit, & free-up & let down u guard, & learn how 2 ENJOY DE SIMPLE PLEASURES OF A SWEET SWEET PUM

dat is my hope fa u in dis life mr robot

cordial,

miss ramsol

director, t&tna

ps see u at pelo round 9

pss me or miss samlalsingh would be holdin an article from out de guardian weekly health advise column of dr brito salizar, dat would be very informative & prove 2 u what i sayin

Today, in response to a number of inquiries expressing deep and understandable concern to arrive of late at this P.O. Box, December being the official opening of châtiaigne season ( châtiaigne châtiaigne, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot! ), we shall best, and should be dispensed with immediately.

How can we say this, and with what surety? Well, do the beasts of the field, the fowls of the air, or the fishes of the sea strain so inexplicably to hold up their flatulence? This could and should never have been for the history of human civilization, and sad that it has ever come to pass! In fact, the restrained or incomplete expulsion of gasses from the body is known to cause a number of health issues, physiological and psychical, e.g., premature aging and mental blindness. It plays havoc with the entire circulatory system, including the blood. Where the gasses collect, joint pains are frequently encountered. There is occasional osteopathy.

Let me end on a personal note: Myna, my old Venezuelan grandmother, was in her later years confined to a wheelchair. This did not deter her. When the need arose, she would shift her weight in her chair as best she could and lift up the appropriate buttock manually, even in mixed company. Fait accompli , and smiling blissfully, she would tell us, “El culo está contento!” (“My pumsee is happy!”) She lived to 98.

dear mr robot:

you is a fockin shitong mr robot is what you is!!! all night long, 2 a we jookin down de place like no 2morrow, & u playin so fockin innocent, never mind dat jookin was so sweet & i can only admit shameful how much i was lovin it 2, my pussy still pulsatin & twitchin & smokin-up lil bit so nice dis mornin sweet jesus when i reach in the archives, & miss samlalsingh come runnin 2 tell me furs ting what take place yesterday thurs afternoon during my half-day off, how you did come inside here totin U OWN PERSONAL XEROX MACHINE, wherever de ass u get it from, & u tells miss samlalsingh how i give u EXPRESS PERMISSION to bring dis machine inside de archives like dat, & u tells she how MISS RAMSOL SAY u could copy out as much copies as u want to do u research fa dis fockin crazyass man ETZLER & dis book u say u writin, even dough of course miss samlalsingh know straightway dat was only another 1 of you boldface lies & SCHEME IS SCHEME U SCHEMING she again to copy out u copies, & she tells u NO FOCKIN WAY MR ROBOT!!! but u carry u bigass machine inside de place regardless & plug de plug & commence to copyin out all u fuckin copies

but miss samlalsingh tell me how before de furs 5 copies come out from u machine, or maybe de furs 2 numbers of dat MORNIN STAR, whilst she was bawling down de place hysterical like i instruct she in perilous situations like dat, to SHUT DOWN DAT FOCKIN MACHINE STRAIGHTWAY MR ROBOT!!! & miss samlalsingh tell me how furs ting before u know it, ALL de visitors in de archives including we famous local scholar & historian michael anthony, who happen 2 be dere in de archives yesterday 2, commence to queuing up straightway in a long long queue, all of dem fightin down each other now 2 copy out DEY copies wid u machine, & dey was all shouting dat if some fockin foreigner yankeeasswhiteman could copy he copies den DEY COULD COPY DEY COPIES 2, & before de furs 5 copies come out u didnt have no choice a-tall but let miss roses copy she copy of recipe fa guava duff out last saturday gazette, & mr hosien want 2 copy he copy of de sunday horseraces-paddocks-lineup from de standard, & michael anthony want to copy out a next article from some bigass old book he got bout french and spanish colonial architectural occupation in oldtown p o s or some shit so, and u had 2 let dem copy out dey copies 2, cause if not, u would have pon u hands a RACE RIOT FOR EQUAL & FAIR USE OF DE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE IN DE T&T NATIONAL ARCHIVES

so in trut mr robot i aint know how much of copies you manage to copy out yesterday afternoon, dat i can only suppose not much more den de furs few numbers a dat MORNIN STAR, cause u had to let all de rest 2 copy dey copies 2, & den miss samlalsingh say u had to put in more ink was so many copies dem people was copyin, and den dat xerox start to smoke from overheat-exhaustion jus like my pussy did wear out and break down las night from all de jookin, so before u know it was 5 oclock, time fa de archives to close, & u didnt scarce get tru 5 numbers a dat fockin STAR, & after longlast wid all she shoutin and bawlin miss samlalsingh could pull de plug pon u machine & shut it down, but i say it serve u fockin yankee-whiteass right

so mr robot u best listen good good to me here now what i tellin u, eh? & dont try dat one again, u hear? eh? cause laws is laws & rules is rules and NO PERSONAL PORTABLE FOCKIN PHOTOCOPY EQUIPMENT allow inside, & u know it good enough, even dough in trut according 2 miss samlalsingh dat machine u was totin wasnt so small a-tall a-tall, but she say it was BIG as a BARREL of BABASH BUSH-RUM wid you red-face strainin hard 2 carry it, dat me & miss samlalsingh couldnt help weself from laughin lil bit at dat, & i hope it give u a fockin HERNIA mr robot, jus so long as it dont ruin u jookin equipment, cause dat would be a shame in trut