Victor Pelevin: Helmet of Horror

UGLI 666

Instead of listening to this drivel, shouldn’t we perhaps be thinking about what to do in real reality? I didn’t like the sound of those words about blood that is about be spilled.

Ariadne

‘The true hidden name of Asterius, which gives power over him, is Asterius, which is We. For many years the magicians of ancient times cut away the final letters of all the inscriptions so that no one would understand …’

UGLI 666

We’re wasting precious time.

Ariadne

The next sheet: ‘Man is like unto a tree. The thoughts in his head are like the songs of birds in the crown of the tree. How many birds must sing in unison for that which we consider ourselves to appear? And does the tree truly possess a song of its own? Asterius is also created after this fashion …’

UGLI 666

Someone shut that crazy woman up.

Ariadne

‘Asterius’ greatest secret is that he is entirely unnecessary. He is an incorruptible guard, guarding that which he himself has created against that which he himself has created. For all the severity of his visage and magnificence of his station, all that is created by him, yea and his own self, is pure superfluity, the empty play of mind, a counterfeit golden flourish on the border of the void. And therefore, when within this nothingness set in a richly ornamented frame the menace of necessity suddenly raises its head or implacable battle is joined for the triumph of true values, there arises a spectacle fit to induce laughter unto tears, because in truth all of this from the beginning to the end is entirely pointless …’

Monstradamus

What’s that sound? Can anyone else hear it?

Ariadne

‘But one must laugh quietly or Asterius will take offence. He does not know that in reality he does not exist, but sometimes he begins to suspect it and this scares and angers him greatly. The means by which for many millennia he has attempted to make himself real are terrible and foolish, like all the mysteries of his world. Although he does not exist, he ends up drenched in sweat and blood, which also do not exist. Though this does not make him any more real, it does mean there is no one left to tell him so – no one is left at his side but servant dwarves, drenching him in blood and screaming that vengeance will follow for the blood that has been spilled …’

IsoldA

I can hear it too. It’s terrifying.

Ariadne

‘Asterius should not be feared. If you fear him, it means that you are wearing the helmet of horror and he is master of your world. But once you have removed the helmet, then Asterius disappears, and nothing remains at which to laugh. It is a grave error either to wear the helmet or to remove it. One should do absolutely nothing with it, if only because in reality it does not exist…’

UGLI 666

Closer and closer, and still this stupid cow just won’t …

Ariadne

‘You are free, and your freedom lies in the fact that the mind has no body, no matter what dwarves in strange hats may tell you. Even the body has no body, and therefore there is nothing on which to set the helmet of horror. But until you have understood this, Asterius is all that you see, feel, think and know. And the crude mechanical farce which the parts of the helmet play out for each other in the transparent void of the mind becomes your entire life. If you are wearing the helmet of horror, it seems that this is for all eternity. But no eternity lasts longer than a fleeting moment. And it is known beforehand what will be when that moment is past – you will recall who you truly are and see that the helmet of horror is merely a toy of your own devising …’

Nutscracker

What’s happening? Help! I think that idiot Romeo …

Monstradamus

What’s going on? What’s that rumbling sound?

Nutscracker

I think he really has found me. If it’s him. Someone’s hammering like hell on the door from the outside. Or it …

Romeo-y-Cohiba

It’s not me. The same thing’s happening here. Blows of terrifying power …

Organizm(-:

The door’s giving way.

UGLI 666

The final hour has come! Repent! I adjure you in the sign of the cross!

Nutscracker

Would that be the one at the centre of the separator labyrinth?

UGLI 666

Do not waste your final moments in blasphemy!

Sartrik

What the hell’s going on out there? Stop it!

IsoldA

Romeo! Goodbye, you bastard!

Ariadne

My door’s getting hot. Are yours?

Nutscracker

I’m stifling. Something …

Monstradamus

It’s him.

Theseus

MINOTAURUS!

Monstradamus:Ah?

IsoldA:Ah?

Nutscracker:Ah?

Organizm(-: Ah?

Theseus:Ah?

Ariadne:Ah?

UGLI 666:Ah?

Romeo-y-Cohiba:Ah?

TheZeus

Fuck U

Monstradamus:MOOOOOO!

IsoldA:MOOOOOO!

Nutscracker:MOOOOOO!

Organizm)-: MOOOOOO!

Theseus:MOOOOOO!

Ariadne:MOOOOOO!

UGLI 666:MOOOOOO!

Romeo-y-Cohiba:MOOOOOO!

Organizm(-:

Ladies and gents, I don’t get it – what was that?

Nutscracker

I think it’s getting cooler. And the noise has stopped.

IsoldA

What, don’t you understand? It’s Theseus!

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Theseus! How we’ve longed for you to come!

Monstradamus

Theseus. At last. Where are you? What do you see around you?

UGLI 666

Hmmm.

Organizm(-:

Theseus, answer!

Nutscracker

Stop it. It’s pointless.

UGLI 666

He’s given us the slip.

Monstradamus

Has he really gone?

Nutscracker

Yes.

IsoldA

But of course …

UGLI 666

There is no more Minotaur.

Ariadne

Hang on, papa.

Monstradamus:My son!

IsoldA:My son!

Nutscracker:My son!

Organizm(-: My son!

Sartrik:My son(-:

:-(((((

Organizm(-:

Why don’t we look for him? Maybe he still believes?

Monstradamus

In what?

Organizm(-:

Well, in the whole pile of xxx. That he has a body. And it’s in a room.

Ariadne

He never did believe in that.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

You could say he saved us. He could have just killed us all once he’d seen us.

Nutscracker

No he couldn’t. Then he’d never have got the helmet off. He isn’t kind, he just knew.

Ariadne

What I’ve heard is that if anyone knows then it’s precisely because he is kind.

Nutscracker

And what I’ve heard is that if anyone’s kind then it’s precisely because he knows.

Organizm(-:

What difference does it make to us? How did we give ourselves away?