Robert Burns - The Complete Works

This day, Time winds th’ exhausted chain,
To run the twelvemonth’s length again:
I see the old, bald-pated follow,
With ardent eyes, complexion sallow,
Adjust the unimpair’d machine,
To wheel the equal, dull routine.
The absent lover, minor heir,
In vain assail him with their prayer;
Deaf as my friend, he sees them press,
Nor makes the hour one moment less.
Will you (the Major’s with the hounds,
The happy tenants share his rounds;
Coila’s fair Rachel’s care to-day,
And blooming Keith’s engaged with Gray)
From housewife cares a minute borrow—
That grandchild’s cap will do to-morrow—
And join with me a moralizing,
This day’s propitious to be wise in.
First, what did yesternight deliver?
“Another year is gone for ever.”
And what is this day’s strong suggestion?
“The passing moment’s all we rest on!”
Rest on—for what? what do we here?
Or why regard the passing year?
Will time, amus’d with proverb’d lore,
Add to our date one minute more?
A few days more—a few years must—
Repose us in the silent dust.
Then is it wise to damp our bliss?
Yes—all such reasonings are amiss!
The voice of nature loudly cries,
And many a message from the skies,
That something in us never dies:
That on this frail, uncertain state,
Hang matters of eternal weight:
That future life in worlds unknown
Must take its hue from this alone;
Whether as heavenly glory bright,
Or dark as misery’s woeful night.—
Since then, my honour’d, first of friends,
On this poor being all depends,
Let us th’ important now employ,
And live as those who never die.—
Tho’ you, with days and honours crown’d,
Witness that filial circle round,
(A sight, life’s sorrows to repulse,
A sight, pale envy to convulse,)
Others now claim your chief regard;
Yourself, you wait your bright reward.

Kind Sir, I’ve read your paper through,
And, faith, to me ’twas really new!
How guess’d ye, Sir, what maist I wanted?
This mony a day I’ve grain’d and gaunted,
To ken what French mischief was brewin’;
Or what the drumlie Dutch were doin’;
That vile doup-skelper, Emperor Joseph,
If Venus yet had got his nose off;
Or how the collieshangie works
Atween the Russians and the Turks:
Or if the Swede, before he halt,
Would play anither Charles the Twalt:
If Denmark, any body spak o’t;
Or Poland, wha had now the tack o’t;
How cut-throat Prussian blades were hingin’;
How libbet Italy was singin’;
If Spaniard, Portuguese, or Swiss
Were sayin’ or takin’ aught amiss:
Or how our merry lads at hame,
In Britain’s court kept up the game:
How royal George, the Lord leuk o’er him!
Was managing St. Stephen’s quorum;
If sleekit Chatham Will was livin’;
Or glaikit Charlie got his nieve in:
How daddie Burke the plea was cookin’,
If Warren Hastings’ neck was yeukin;
How cesses, stents, and fees were rax’d,
Or if bare a—s yet were tax’d;
The news o’ princes, dukes, and earls,
Pimps, sharpers, bawds, and opera girls;
If that daft buckie, Geordie Wales,
Was threshin’ still at hizzies’ tails;
Or if he was grown oughtlins douser,
And no a perfect kintra cooser.—
A’ this and mair I never heard of;
And but for you I might despair’d of.
So, gratefu’, back your news I send you,
And pray, a’ guid things may attend you!

Orthodox, orthodox,
Wha believe in John Knox,
Let me sound an alarm to your conscience:
There’s a heretic blast
Has been blawn in the wast,
That what is no sense must be nonsense.
Dr. Mac, [77] Dr. M’Gill. Dr. Mac,
You should stretch on a rack,
To strike evil doers wi’ terror;
To join faith and sense
Upon ony pretence,
Is heretic, damnable error.
Town of Ayr, town of Ayr,
It was mad, I declare,
To meddle wi’ mischief a-brewing;
Provost John [78] John Ballantyne. is still deaf
To the church’s relief,
And orator Bob [79] Robert Aiken. is its ruin.
D’rymple mild, [80] Dr. Dalrymple. D’rymple mild,
Thro’ your heart’s like a child,
And your life like the new driven snaw,
Yet that winna save ye,
Auld Satan must hav ye,
For preaching that three’s ane an’ twa.
Rumble John, [81] Mr. Russell. Rumble John,
Mount the steps wi’ a groan,
Cry the book is wi’ heresy cramm’d;
Then lug out your ladle,
Deal brimstone like adle,
And roar every note of the danm’d.
Simper James, [82] Mr. M’Kinlay. Simper James,
Leave the fair Killie dames,
There’s a holier chase in your view;
I’ll lay on your head
That the pack ye’ll soon lead.
For puppies like you there’s but few.
Singet Sawney, [83] Mr. Moody, of Riccarton. Singet Sawney,
Are ye herding the penny,
Unconscious what evil await?
Wi’ a jump, yell, and howl,
Alarm every soul,
For the foul thief is just at your gate.
Daddy Auld, [84] Mr. Auld of Mauchline. Daddy Auld,
There’s a tod in the fauld,
A tod meikle waur than the clerk;
Though yo can do little skaith,
Ye’ll be in at the death,
And gif ye canna bite, ye may bark.
Davie Bluster, [85] Mr. Grant, of Ochiltree. Davie Bluster,
If for a saint ye do muster,
The corps is no nice of recruits;
Yet to worth let’s be just,
Royal blood ye might boast,
If the ass was the king of the brutes.
Jamy Goose, [86] Mr. Young, of Cumnock. Jamy Goose,
Ye ha’e made but toom roose,
In hunting the wicked lieutenant;
But the Doctor’s your mark,
For the L—d’s haly ark;
He has cooper’d and cawd a wrang pin in’t.
Poet Willie, [87] Mr. Peebles, Ayr. Poet Willie,
Fie the Doctor a volley,
Wi’ your liberty’s chain and your wit;
O’er Pegasus’ side
Ye ne’er laid astride,
Ye but smelt, man, the place where he –.
Andro Gouk [88] Dr. Andrew Mitchell, of Monkton. , Andro Gouk,
Ye may slander the book,
And the book not the waur, let me tell ye;
Ye are rich and look big,
But lay by hat and wig,
And ye’ll ha’e a calf’s head o’ sma’ value.
Barr Steenie, [89] Mr. Stephen Young, of Barr. Barr Steenie,
What mean ye, what mean ye?
If ye’ll meddle nae mair wi’ the matter,
Ye may ha’e some pretence
To havins and sense,
Wi’ people wha ken ye nae better.
Irvine side, [90] Mr. George Smith, of Galston. Irvine side,
Wi’ your turkey-cock pride,
Of manhood but sum’ is your share,
Ye’ve the figure ’tis true,
Even your faes will allow,
And your friends they dae grunt you nae mair.
Muirland Jock, [91] Mr. John Shepherd, Muirkirk. Muirland Jock,
When the L—d makes a rock
To crush Common sense for her sins,
If ill manners were wit,
There’s no mortal so fit
To confound the poor Doctor at ance.
Holy Will, [92] Holy Willie, alias William Fisher, Elder in Mauchline. Holy Will,
There was wit i’ your skull,
When ye pilfer’d the alms o’ the poor;
The timmer is scant,
When ye’re ta’en for a saunt,
Wha should swing in a rape for an hour.
Calvin’s sons, Calvin’s sons,
Seize your spir’tual guns,
Ammunition you never can need;
Your hearts are the stuff,
Will be powther enough,
And your skulls are storehouses o’ lead.
Poet Burns, Poet Burns,
Wi’ your priest-skelping turns,
Why desert ye your auld native shire?
Your muse is a gipsie,
E’en tho’ she were tipsie,
She could ca’ us nae waur than we are.