Slava Brodsky - Funny Children's Stories

As we were walking home, I asked Mom whether there were usually many drunks in Moscow restaurants. And Mom said that she had never in her life been in a restaurant, neither in Moscow nor in any other city. One time, she and my dad decided to go to a restaurant in Moscow, but the doorman did not even let them touch the door of the restaurant.

Mom said that only foreigners were allowed into Moscow’s restaurants. And I, of course, asked Mom, why they only allowed foreigners into Moscow’s restaurants. To that Mom said that I should stop asking questions because for such questions, we would end up in prison.

And this is really very interesting. I noticed a long time ago that when I ask one question, Mom usually answers it and does not see anything wrong with it. However, if I ask a second question on the same topic, then it turns out to be the type of question for which we could be sent to prison.

That is why I never ask a second question in school. Well, I never ask the first question either. Because my parents strongly forbid me to ask any questions in school.

Many more interesting and funny things happened in Ukraine. But the most interesting thing happened at the market. At the market you were allowed to bargain.

For example, Mom asked some old woman, “How much are these potatoes?”

And the old woman replied that she was asking four rubles. Then Mom said that she would buy her potatoes for three rubles.

And the old woman said, “Let’s do it like this – not for you, not for me – three fifty.”

But the most surprising thing was the following. Mom approached an old woman who was selling cherries and asked her how much the bucket of cherries was. The old woman replied that she was asking twelve rubles for a bucket. And here Mom said that she could buy two buckets if the old woman sold each bucket for ten rubles.

At first, I thought that Mom was joking. I thought that Mom would have had to give the old woman three rubles just to be able to buy two buckets instead of one. But surprisingly, the old woman agreed to sell two buckets for twenty rubles.

Mom was very happy, and she told me she had planned in advance to share the cherries with Aunt Tamara. And we would be able to make enough cherry jam to last us the entire winter.

After we left the market, I asked Mom why the old woman agreed to sell two buckets for only twenty rubles instead of twenty-four.

“Don’t you understand such simple things?” my mom said. “The more the old woman sells, the more money she earns. Therefore, she wanted to sell as much as possible. She will sell at a lower price if you buy more.”

Then I asked why everything is the other way around in stores. In stores they will not sell cheaper if you want to buy more. In stores they will not sell you anything at all if you want to buy more. And of course, Mom was again frightened that we would be sent to prison, so she told me to stop asking questions.

I did not want to argue with Mom, so I stopped talking. But to make me feel better, Mom remembered how two old women had been arguing at the market. They kept yelling at each other something we could barely understand. But somehow it was very funny.

And so, like this, something funny happened every day. Even on the last day, when we were leaving and were already at the bus stop to go to the station, even then something funny happened.

Our landlord ran up to us and gave us a letter from Dad. Mom began to read it to me. Dad wrote that he had received the letter from Mom, in which she wrote about the bucket. And he was asking Mom whether it was possible to ask someone to fix it.

When Mom finished reading this letter to me, we started to laugh and could not stop. And we laughed until our bus came. But as soon as the bus came, we stopped laughing. We stopped laughing because it turned out that there were a lot of people from the resort on the bus and there was no more room left for Mom and me. We were lucky that our landlord had not left yet. He turned out to be a good friend of the bus driver. And then it just so happened that there were seats for us.

Later, when Mom and I were sitting on the bus, Mom told me, “It is a good thing that the landlord brought us Dad’s letter in time. Otherwise, we would not have known what to do with the bucket.” And again we started to laugh. And we laughed all the way to the station.

We only stopped laughing on the train because Mom started to worry that I had not gained much weight over the summer. And she decided that she would start to give me food with more calories.

On the train, Mom told me that before we left, she decided to check whether Aunt Tamara remembered the number of the building in Kharkov where the tickets were being sold. Mom thought that Aunt Tamara might have forgotten that she should add one to the age of her son to get the number.

When Mom asked Aunt Tamara about the number of the building, Aunt Tamara asked Mom what building number she was talking about. And Mom told her that she was talking about the building in Kharkov where they sold tickets. But Aunt Tamara then asked Mom, “What tickets?”

But Mom did not let me laugh at Aunt Tamara. Because you should not laugh at those whose head was hit by a wardrobe.

Proof

Yesterday, in math class, we were learning what a proof is. Our math teacher said that in mathematics people do not just say things. In mathematics everything must be rigorous. The most important thing in mathematics is proof. And she would tell us what it is.

I had already heard about proofs from different people, but no one could explain it clearly. Only once someone told me that a proof is when someone proves something.

So yesterday I was very happy when I heard that our teacher was going to explain everything to us. And the math teacher told us once again that proof is the most important thing in mathematics. She then added that a proof is when someone proves something. And that if the word “Proof” was written in math books and in textbooks on mathematics, it would then be followed by the actual proof. The teacher also said that everything should be proven rigorously. And that in mathematics no mumble-jumble was allowed.

Then the teacher asked us whether everything was clear or not. And many of us began to nod their heads “yes, all is clear.” Then the teacher asked me what I understood about proof. Honestly speaking, I understood nothing. But I answered that a proof is when someone said that a proof would be provided or wrote the word “Proof.” Afterwards, the proof would be written.

The teacher asked me, “Is that all?”

I replied that I did not know when it would end, this proof thing.

And the teacher said that I did not understand the most important thing of all, that the proof should be rigorous. If it is not rigorous, then it is not really a proof at all. And again, she asked me whether I understood that or not.

While I was thinking about my answer, someone else in the class raised his hand and asked the teacher how one could know whether the proof was strict or not. The teacher switched her attention to him and said that he did not listen to her at all. And that probably no one was listening to her. After that she repeated everything from the very beginning. But as she was repeating all the same things, I again did not understand anything.

But when the teacher asked everyone, “Is this clear?” all of us together answered, “Clear.”

Then the teacher unexpectedly praised me and said that I had posed a very important question. When she praised me, I at first thought she was making fun of me. But it turned out that she was actually quite serious.

She said that mathematicians came up with a way to understand when the proof was completed. In such cases, they would say “which was to be proved.” And she said she hoped that from that moment on I too would only provide rigorous proofs and, at the end, would say “which was to be proved.” And asked me, “Okay?”