Danielle Steel - Full circle

“It's not for rent.” The agent smiled at her. “It's for sale.” She told her the price, and Tana was amazed at how reasonable it was. It wasn't cheap, but it wouldn't have destroyed her savings at one blow, and at the price that was being asked, it was actually a good investment for her. It was irresistible in every possible way, and it was perfect for her. One large bedroom on the second floor, a dressing room with mirrored walls, a tiny den with a brick fireplace, and downstairs, one large, beautiful living room and a tiny country kitchen that gave out onto a patio framed with trees. She signed away her life, put the deposit down, and turned up in Jack's office, looking nervous about what she'd done. She knew it wasn't a mistake, but still … it was such an independent thing to do, so solitary, so grown up … and she hadn't asked him.

“Good Lord, who died?” He stepped into the anteroom and saw her face, as she laughed nervously. “That's better.” He kissed her neck. “You practicing to be a judge? You're going to scare people half to death running around with a face like that.”

“I just did a crazy thing.” The words tumbled out and he smiled. He had had a rough day, and it wasn't even two o'clock yet.

“So what else is new? Come on in and tell me about it.” Tana saw that Harry's door was closed, and she didn't knock. She passed right into Jack's large, pleasant room in the Victorian they'd bought five years before. That had been a good investment for them, maybe it would help make him understand what she'd done. He smiled at her from across his desk. “So what'd you do?”

“I think I just bought a house.” She looked like a frightened kid and he laughed at her.

“You think you did. I see. And what makes you think that?” He sounded as he always did, but his eyes were different now and she wondered why.

“Actually, I signed the papers … oh Jack … I hope I did the right thing.”

“Do you like it?”

“I'm in love with it.” He looked surprised, neither of them had wanted to own a house before. They had talked about it several times. They had no need of permanence, and he hadn't changed his mind. But apparently she had and he wondered why. A lot seemed to have changed in the last ten days, mostly for her. Nothing had changed for him.

“Won't that be a lot of trouble for you, Tan? Keeping it up, worrying about a leaky roof, and all that stuff we talked about before and didn't want.”

“I don't know … I guess…” She looked nervously at him. It was time to ask. “You'll be there too, won't you?” Her voice was frightened and soft and he smiled at her. She was at once so vulnerable and soft, and yet so incredibly powerful as well. He loved that about her and knew he always would. It was what Harry loved in her, too, that and her loyalty, her fierce heart, bright mind. She was such a lovely girl, judge or not. She looked like a teenager sitting there, watching him.

“Is there room in it for me?” His voice sounded tentative and she nodded vehemently, as her hair swung wild. She had cut it straight to her shoulders only weeks before she got the news, and it looked very elegant and sleek, hanging in a smooth blond sheet from crown to nape.

“Of course there is.” But he wasn't sure he agreed when he saw the place that night. He agreed that the place was beautiful, but it was awfully feminine to his eyes. “How can you say a thing like that? There's nothing here but walls and floors.”

“I don't know. It just feels that way, maybe because I know it's your house.” He turned to her and he looked sad all at once. “I'm sorry, Tan, it's beautiful … I don't mean to rain on your parade.”

“It's all right. I'll make it comfortable for both of us. I promise you.” He took her to dinner that night and they talked for hours, about her new job, the “judge' school” she would have to attend in Oakland for three weeks, holed up in a hotel with other recent appointees. Everything seemed suddenly exciting and new, and she hadn't felt that way in years.

“It's like starting life all over again, isn't it?” Her eyes danced as she looked at him and he smiled at her.

“I guess.” They went home after that and made love, and nothing seemed to have changed in important ways. She spent the next week shopping for furniture for her new house, closing the deal, and buying a new dress for her induction ceremony. She had even asked her mother to come out, but Arthur wasn't well enough and Jean didn't want to leave him alone. But Harry would be there, and Averil, and Jack, and all the friends and acquaintances she had collected over the years. In the end, there were two hundred people at the ceremony, and Harry gave her a reception afterwards at Trader Vic's. It was the most festive occasion she had ever been to, and she laughed as she kissed Jack halfway through the afternoon.

“It's kind of like getting married, isn't it?” He laughed back at her and they exchanged a look which said they both understood.

“Better than that, thank God.” They laughed again and he danced with her, and they were both a little drunk when they went home that night, and the following week, she started “judge' school.”

She stayed at the hotel, in the room they had given her, and she had planned to spend weekends in Tiburon with Jack, but there was always something to do at her new house, a painting she wanted to hang, lights she had to fix, a couch that had arrived, a gardener she wanted to interview, and for the first two weeks she slept in town when she wasn't at “judge' school.”

“Why don't you come sleep here with me?” There was a plaintive note in her voice and she sounded irritable. He hadn't seen her in days but that was par for the course these days. She had too much else to do.

“I've got too much work to do.” He sounded curt.

“You can bring it here, sweetheart. I'll make some soup and a salad, you can use my den.” He noticed the possessive term, and like everything else these days, it rankled him, but he had a lot on his mind just then.

“Do you know what it's like to drag all your work over to someone else's house?”

“I'm not someone else. I'm me. And you live here too.”

“Since when?” She was hurt by his tone and she backed off, and even Thanksgiving was strained, spent with Harry and Averil and the kids.

“How's the new house, Tan?” Harry was happy about everything that had happened to her, but she noticed that he looked tired and drawn, and Averil looked strained too. It was a difficult day for everyone and even the children whined more than usual, and Jack and Tana's godchild cried most of the day. She sighed as they drove back to town at last, and Jack visibly unwound in the silence in the car.

“Doesn't it make you glad you don't have kids?” He looked at her as he spoke and she smiled at him.

“Days like this do, but when they're all dressed up and cute, or sound asleep, and you watch Harry look at Ave … sometimes I think it would be sweet to be like that.…” She sighed then and glanced at him. “I don't think I could stand it, though.”

“You'd look cute on the bench, with a string of kids.” He said it sarcastically and she laughed. He had been sharp with her a lot recently and she noticed that he was driving her into town and not to Tiburon, and she looked at him, surprised.

“Aren't we going home, sweetheart?”

“Sure … I thought you wanted to go back to your place.…”

“I don't mind … I…” She took a deep breath. It had to be said eventually. “You're mad at me for buying the house, aren't you?”

He shrugged and drove on, keeping his eyes on the other cars. “I guess it was something you had to do. I just didn't think you'd do something like that.”