Danielle Steel - Full circle

“I should go home and get organized. I brought home a ton of work.”

“To do on Christmas Day?” He looked horrified, and she smiled.

“I have to do it sometime.”

“Why don't you come here instead?” They were having friends over, his partner and another dozen or so, but she shook her head. She didn't mind being home alone, or at least so she said.

“You're weird, Tan.” But he kissed her cheek and his eyes were filled with the love he felt for her.

“Have a good time in L.A.” He wheeled beside her to the door and looked at her pensively. “And Tan … take care of yourself … Maybe I was wrong … but it doesn't hurt to be careful about things.…”

“I know.” Her voice was soft again, and she kissed them both as she left. But driving home in the car, she found herself thinking about what he had said. She knew he couldn't be right. Drew was not spending Christmas with his wife … but nonetheless she should have been spending it with him. She had tried to tell herself that it didn't matter, but it did. And suddenly it reminded her of all the lonely years she had felt so sorry for Jean … waiting for Arthur, sitting by the phone, hoping he would call … they were never able to spend major holidays together when Marie was alive, and even afterwards there was always an excuse … his in-laws, his children, his club, his friends … and there was poor Jean, with tears in her eyes, holding her breath … waiting for him.… Tana fought back the thoughts. It was not like that with Drew. It was not. She wouldn't let it be. But the next afternoon, as she worked, the questions kept coming to her. Drew called her once, but it had been a very brief call, and he sounded rushed. “I have to go back to the girls,” he had said hastily and then hung up on her.

And when she landed in Los Angeles the next day, he was waiting for her at the airport, and he swept her into his arms, and held her so tight she could barely breathe.

“My God … wait … ! stop … !” But he crushed her to him, and they were laughing and kissing all the way to the parking lot as he juggled her bags and packages, and she was ecstatic to see him. It had been a lonely holiday without him after all. And she had secretly wanted it to be different and exciting this year. She hadn't even admitted that to herself, but suddenly she knew it was true. And it was, it was wonderful driving into town with him. He had left the girls at the house with a babysitter he knew, just so he could pick her up alone, and spend a few quiet minutes with her.

“… before they drive us both nuts.” He looked at her and beamed.

“How are the girls?”

“Wonderful. I swear they've doubled in size in the last four weeks. Wait till you meet them, Tan.” And she was enchanted with them when she did. Elizabeth was lovely and grown up and looked strikingly like Drew, and Julie was a cuddly little ball who almost instantly climbed onto Tana's lap. They loved the presents she had brought, and they seemed to have no resistance to her, although Tana saw Elizabeth looking her over more than once. But Drew handled it remarkably well. He cut out all the necking and the cuddly stuff. It was as though they were just friends, spending a cozy afternoon. It was obvious that he knew Tana well, but it would have been impossible to guess the relationship they shared from the way he behaved to her. And Tana wondered if he always acted that way around the girls.

“What do you do?” Elizabeth was looking her over again, and Julie was watching them both, as Tana smiled, shaking back her mane of pale blond hair. Elizabeth had envied her that since they first met.

“I'm an attorney like your dad. In fact, that's how we met.”

“So's my mom,” Elizabeth was quick to add. “She's assistant to the ambassador of the OAS in Washington, and they might give her her own ambassadorship next year.”

“Ambassadorial post.” Drew corrected her and glanced at the three “girls.”

“I don't want her to do that.” Julie pouted. “I want her to come back here to live. With Daddy.” She stuck her lower lip out defiantly, and Elizabeth was quick to add, “He could come with us wherever Mom's sent. It depends on where it is.” Tana felt an odd feeling in her gut, and she looked at him, but he was doing something else, and Elizabeth went on. “Mom may even want to come back here herself, if they don't offer her the right job. That's what she said, anyway.”

“That's very interesting.” Tana noticed that her mouth felt dry, and she wished that Drew would regain control of the conversation again, but he didn't say anything. “Do you like living in Washington?”

“Very much.” Elizabeth was painfully polite and Julie hopped into Tana's lap again, and smiled up into Tana's eyes.

“You're pretty. Almost as pretty as our mom.”

“Thank you!” It was definitely not easy talking to them, and other than with Harry's children, it was rare for Tana to be in a spot like this, but she had to make the effort for Drew. “What'll we do this afternoon?” Tana felt almost breathless as she asked, desperate to divert them from the topic of his almost ex-wife.

“Mommy's going shopping on Rodeo Drive.” Julie smiled up at her, and Tana almost gasped.

“Oh?” Her eyes turned towards Drew in astonishment and then back to them. “That's nice. Let's see, how about a movie? Have you seen Sounder?” She felt as though she were running up a mountain as fast as she could and she wasn't getting anywhere … Rodeo Drive … that meant she had come to Los Angeles with the girls … and why hadn't he wanted Tana to come down yesterday? Had he spent Christmas with her after all? The next hour seemed to trickle by as Tana chatted with the girls, and finally they ran outside to play, and Tana finally turned to him. Her eyes spoke volumes before her mouth said a word. “I take it your wife is in Los Angeles.” She looked rigid and inside something had gone numb.

“Don't look at me like that.” His voice was soft while his eyes avoided her.

“Why not?” She stood up and walked towards him. “Did you spend the holiday with her, Drew?” He couldn't avoid her now, she was standing directly in front of him. And she already assumed he had. And when he lifted his eyes to face her, she knew instantly that she was right and the girls had given him away. “Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn't lie to you. I didn't think … oh, for chrissake…” He looked at her almost viciously. She had cornered him. “I didn't plan it that way, but the girls have never had a Christmas with us separated before, Tan … it's just too damn hard on them…”

“Is it, now?” Her eyes and voice were hard, concealing the pain she felt inside … the pain he had inflicted on her by lying to her … “And just exactly when do you plan to let them get used to it?”

“Goddammit, do you think I like seeing my children hurt by this?”

“They look fine to me.”

“Of course they do. That's because Eileen and I are civilized. That's the least we can give them now. It's not their fault things didn't work out for us.” He looked at Tana sorrowfully and she had to fight the urge to sit down and cry, not for him or the girls, but for herself.

“Are you sure it's not too late to salvage it with Eileen?”

“Don't be ridiculous.”

“Where did she sleep?” He looked as though he had received an electric shock.

“That's an inappropriate thing to ask, and you know it damn well.”

“Oh, my God…” She sat down again, unable to believe how transparent he was. “You slept with her.”

“I did not sleep with her.”

“You did, didn't you?” She was shouting now and he strode around the room like a nervous cat as he turned to face her again.