Danielle Steel - Full circle

December flew by, with a series of small cases on Tana's desk, and a number of parties she went to with Drew. He seemed to think nothing of flying up for the night, and sometimes he came just to have dinner with her. They shared delicious tender moments, quiet nights at home, and a kind of intimacy that Tana had never known before. She realized now how lonely she had been for so long. There had been her mad affair with Yael years before, and since then only casual relationships that came and went, without meaning much to her. But everything about Drew Lands was different. He was so sensitive, so intense, so thoughtful in small ways that meant a great deal to her. She felt surrounded and protected and alive, and they laughed most of the time. By the time the holidays came, he was excited about seeing his two little girls again. They were coming out from Washington to spend Christmas with him. He had cancelled his skiing trip to Sugar Bowl with her.

“Will you come down and spend some time with us, Tan?”

She smiled at him; she knew how crazy he was about his kids. “I'll try.” She had a big case coming up, but she was pretty sure it wouldn't actually go to trial for a while. “I think I can.”

“Do your best. You could come down on the twenty-sixth, and we could spend a few days in Malibu.” He was renting a little weekend place there, but she was not surprised by that so much as by the date he had said … the twenty-sixth … she realized then that he wanted to be alone with the girls for the holidays. “Will you, Tan?” He sounded like a little kid and she hugged him tight and laughed at him.

“Okay, okay, I'll come down. What do you think the girls would like?”

“You.” They exchanged a smile and he kissed her again.

He spent the week before getting everything ready for them in L.A. Tana was trying to clean up the work on her desk so she could take a few days off from the District Attorney's office, and she had lots of shopping to do. She bought Drew a suede shirt, and a very expensive briefcase that he'd seen and loved, the eau de cologne that he wore, and a wild tie she knew he'd love. And she bought each of the girls a beautiful doll at F.A.O. Schwarz, some stationery, some barrettes, an adorable sweat suit for Elizabeth that looked just like one Tana had, and a rabbit made of real fur for the little one. She wrapped all the gifts, and put them in a suitcase to take to L.A. with her. She hadn't bothered with a tree this year; she didn't really have time and there was no one to see it anyway. She spent Christmas Eve with Harry and Averil and their kids, and it was relaxing just being with them. Harry had never looked better, and Averil looked contented as little Harrison ran around waiting for Santa Claus. They sliced carrots for the reindeer, put chocolate chip cookies out, a big glass of milk, and finally got him into bed. His sister was already asleep, and when he finally fell asleep too, Averil tiptoed into their rooms to look at them with a quiet smile, as Harry watched her go, and Tana watched him. It made her feel good just to see him like that, contented and alive. His life had turned out well, although it certainly wasn't what he had expected to do with his life. He glanced at Tana with a smile, and it was as though they both understood.

“Funny, isn't it, Tan, how life works out…”

“Yeah, it is.” She smiled at him. They had known each other for twelve years, almost half their lives. It was incredible.

“I figured you'd be married in two years when I met you that first time.”

“And I thought you'd die a hopeless degenerate … no…,” she looked pensive and amused, “… a playboy drunk…”

He laughed at the idea. “You've got me mixed up with my old man.”

“Hardly.” She still had a soft spot for Harrison, but Harry had never been quite sure of that. He had suspected it once, but he had never been sure, and his father had never let on to anything. Nor had Tan.

Harry looked at her oddly then. He hadn't expected to be spending Christmas with her this year, not after the hints she had dropped about Drew once or twice. He had the strangest feeling that it was serious for her, more so even than she would let on to him. “Where's your friend, Tan? I thought you were going to Sugar Bowl.” She looked blank at first, but she knew instantly who he meant and he grinned. “Come on, don't pull that ‘who do you mean’ shit on me. I know you better than that.”

She laughed at him. “All right, all right. He's in L.A. with his kids. We cancelled Sugar Bowl because his kids were coming out. I'm going down on the twenty-sixth.” Harry thought that strange but he didn't say anything to her.

“He means a lot to you, doesn't he?”

She nodded cautiously, but she didn't meet his eyes. “He does … for whatever that's worth.”

“What is it worth, Tan?”

She sighed and leaned back in her chair. “God only knows.”

Harry kept wondering something and he finally had to ask. “How come you're not down there today?”

“I didn't want to intrude.” But that wasn't true. He hadn't invited her.

“I'm sure you're not an intrusion to him. Have you met his kids yet?” She shook her head.

“Day after tomorrow will be the first time.”

Harry smiled at her. “Scared?”

She laughed nervously. “Hell, yes. Wouldn't you be? They're the most important thing in his life.”

“I hope you are too.”

“I think I am.”

And then Harry frowned. “He's not married, is he, Tan?”

“I told you before, he's in the process of getting a divorce.”

“Then why didn't he spend Christmas with you?”

“How the hell do I know?” She was annoyed at the persistent questions and she was beginning to wonder where Averil was.

“Didn't you ask?”

“No. I was perfectly comfortable like this,” she glowered at him, “until now.”

“That's the trouble with you, Tan, you're so used to being alone that it doesn't even occur to you to do things differently. You should be spending Christmas with him. Unless…”

“Unless what?” She was angry at him now. It was none of his business whether or not she spent Christmas with Drew, and she respected his need to be alone with his kids.

But Harry wasn't content to leave it alone. “Unless he's spending Christmas with his wife.”

“Oh, for chrissake … what an asinine thing to say. You are the most cynical, suspicious son of a bitch I know … and I thought I was bad.…” She looked furious, but there was something else lurking in her eyes, as though he had hit a nerve. But that was ridiculous.

“Maybe you're not bad enough.”

She stood up and didn't answer him. She looked for her bag, and when Averil finally came back, she found them both tense, but she didn't think anything of it. They were like that sometimes. She was used to them by now, they had their own special relationship and sometimes they fought like cats and dogs but they didn't mean any harm.

“What have you two been up to out here? Beating each other up again?” she smiled.

“I'm considering it.” Tana glared irritatedly at her.

“It might do him good.” All three of them laughed then.

“Harry's been making an ass of himself, as usual.”

He suddenly grinned at her. “You make it sound as though I've been exposing myself.”

Averil laughed. “Did you do that again, sweetheart?” And then finally Tana warmed up again.

“You know, you're the biggest pain in the neck in the world. World cup goes to you.”

He bowed politely from his chair, and Tana went to get her coat. “You don't have to leave, Tan.” He was always sorry to see her go, even when they disagreed. They still had a special bond between them. It was almost like being twins.