Gerald Durrell - The Talking Parcel

In the depths of the moat, meanwhile, Desdemona and the young ladies had found the great plug. It had been hard to find, because they only knew approximately where it was, and it was covered with sludge and slime, so they could not see it at first. They discovered it at last and attached a rope to the ring in it, then with some difficulty attached the rope to Oswald. The problem was that when they tried to tie the rope round Os­wald’s middle, he, being exceedingly ticklish, giggled so much that he had to come up for air. In the end, they fastened the rope round his neck. Then with Oswald and all the Mermaids pulling, they managed at last to get the great plug loose. There was a great glup of muddy water, and H.H., watching through

his telescope, saw a whirlpool form over the hole. There was a whoosh and gurgle like a giant bath being emptied, and the water level in the moat started to go down rapidly.

The Cockatrices were thoroughly muddled by so many dif­ferent attacks, but they still fought on grimly. Cannonballs from the Griffons continued to thud into the battlements. The great doors of the Castle had been almost cut to pieces by the Uni­corns’ horns. Simon’s balloons had just landed in the great courtyard, and the Cockatrices were being attacked by blood­thirsty Weasels with lavender water pistols.

Then the last of the water gurgled down, and the moat was bare and muddy. Sure enough, in the Castle walls there could be seen numerous drains like the one by which the children had entered the Castle before. At the mouth of two of these hung red flags. This was the moment that Commander-in-Chief Ethelred had been waiting for. He led his fifty eager and indignant Toads and his bloodthirsty Weasels out of the wood and down to the moat. They were all armed with fireproof shields and lavender water pistols. Penelope, looking very smart in her red uniform and feathered hat, ran beside him.

“Please, miss,” panted Ethelred as they scrambled down into the muddy moat and started to squelch their way across. “Please, miss, stay close to me and don’t do nuffink dangerous.”

“All right, I promise,” said Penelope, her face flushed with excitement. “Isn’t this thrilling?"

“Cor blimey, no it isn’t,” said Ethelred, as a cannonball splashed into the mud beside them. “It’s too dangerous to be thrilling.”

They reached the marked tunnels, and here Ethelred divided his forces into two. Urging upon them the need for absolute silence, so that they could take the sentries by surprise, he sent the Weasels up one drain while he and Penelope led Penelope’s Terrifying Toads up the other. To Penelope, scrambling along in the gloom behind Ethelred, it seemed the drain would never end. Then, suddenly, in front of them was an iron grill and beyond it the corridor which led to the dungeons where the Great Books were hidden. Carefully, they removed the grill and the Toads crept through into the corridor. A little farther up the corridor another grill had been removed and the Weasels were pouring through that. They joined forces with the Toads, and led by Ethelred and Penelope they made their way silently up the corridor.

Peering round the corner, Penelope and Ethelred could see a group of about ten Cockatrices who had obviously been left to guard the Books. They were grouped at the bottom of the stairs, arguing. It was plain that they did not think they could be attacked from the rear, for they were arguing as to whether or not they ought to go up and join the fight in the great court­yard. Eventually, their leader decided that one of them would stay and set fire to the Great Books, if necessary, while the others went up and joined the fight. So they opened the door of the dungeon in which the Great Books were, and one Cockatrice took up his stand by them, ready to blast them with flames. The rest of them clattered up the stairs to the courtyard.

“What are we going to do?” whispered Penelope. “If we all rush down the corridor he’s going to see us and set fire to the Books.”

“Yes,” said Ethelred. “ ’Elp me out of me uniform, miss, quick.”

Penelope helped him out of his uniform and then, before she could stop him, he hopped round the corner and down the cor­ridor toward the dungeon, carrying his lavender water pistol.

“ ’Ere,” shouted Ethelred to the sentry. “ ’Ere, you, sentry, where’s all the others, then?”

“Don’t come any closer,” warned the Cockatrice, “or I’ll blast you with flame.”

“Wot’s the matter with you, then?” asked Ethelred. “I’ve just come to bring you and your Chief an interesting bit of information, I ’ave. Look at this ’ere.”

Ethelred waved his lavender water pistol at the sentry.

“What’s that?” asked the sentry suspiciously.

“I just found a Weasel down one of them drains,” said Eth­elred, “and I ’it ’im on the ’ead with a rock. ’E was carrying one of these. These are the things wot the Weasels are knocking your lot out with up there. Deadly, they are. I’m not quite sure ’ow they work, though.”

Ethelred had stopped just outside the dungeon door and was fiddling with the pistol.

“Here, give it to me, I’ll take it to the sergeant,” said the Cockatrice, and he stepped away from the Great Books and into the corridor. As he did so, Ethelred squirted a jet of lav­ender water straight into his beak. Immediately, the Cockatrice reeled backward, gasping and coughing, sneezing out great sheets of flame. Penelope knew that this was the moment. She turned to the ranks of Toads and Weasels behind her and shouted “Charge!” and then ran down the corridor with the animals hopping and scuttling behind her.

The Cockatrice, seeing this mass of the enemy descending on him, turned to run, and immediately fifty jets of lavender water from the pistols of fifty Toads hit him, and another fifty fol­lowed from the pistols of the Weasels. The Cockatrice uttered a strange, gulping cry, twisted round several times, and fell un­conscious on his beak.

“Quick,” said Ethelred. “Ten of you Weasels, ten of you Toads—in there to guard them Books.”

As soon as they were safely in the dungeon, Ethelred locked them in and gave Penelope the key.

“Now, you stay ’ere, miss,” he panted. “Me and the rest are going upstairs.”

So saying, he led the rest of the Weasels up the staircase and into the courtyard. Here, the fight was almost over. Half suf­focated by the lavender water, the sneezing Cockatrices were being herded together by the triumphant Weasels and tied into bundles. Seeing that he could do nothing very helpful, Ethelred left his Weasels to help in tying up the Cockatrices and went down to the dungeons again. At the bottom of the steps he stopped in horror.

Penelope, standing outside the dungeon door, was unaware that the Cockatrice had regained consciousness and was creep­ing toward her, its eyes alight with fury. Ethelred, who was unarmed, looked round desperately. Luckily, lying on the floor was a pike which had been dropped by one of the Toads. Pick­ing it up, Ethelred took careful aim and hurled it, so that just as the Cockatrice was going to blast Penelope with a sheet of flame he was hit between the eyes by the pike and fell senseless to the floor.

“Oh, Ethelred, you saved my life,” said Penelope, shudder­ing as she looked down at the fallen Cockatrice, smoke and flame dribbling from its nostrils.

“Think nothing of it,” said Ethelred modestly. “You saved my life, miss.”