Juliet Marillier - Heart's Blood

The visiting chieftains did not stay long. Each was keen to head home with his fighting men now the job was done. Anluan thanked them for their support and expressed his deep regret for their losses. Brión left us two healers who had accompanied his army, since he knew our household was small and would be stretched in providing the necessary support for those who lay wounded. When our visitors were gone, we bade farewell to the folk of the settlement, who were ready to leave the Tor. Tomorrow, Anluan said, we would go down and attend a ritual for their dead. After time for mourning, he would be wanting to speak with them about the future. I saw that already new leaders were stepping up to take the places of Tomas and Orna. Duald, who had once been so afraid of a wandering scribe, was one of them, and Orna’s friend Sionnach seemed to be speaking up on behalf of the women.There would be a path forwards for all of us. If the counterspell worked; if Aislinn had been right about it. If I had remembered correctly. If nothing else got in the way. Seeing the hope in the eyes of Gearróg and Cathaír and the others, I prayed that I had not made a terrible mistake.

As dusk fell, the host began to gather in the courtyard: men, women and children in little groups or alone, waiting. The buzz of excited talk that had broken out earlier in the day was gone, replaced by a hush of anticipation. Anluan had told me he wanted to talk to the host before the ritual began, and he was doing so now. He wasn’t making the kind of grand speech people expect a victorious chieftain to deliver on his return home. Instead, he was walking among them, a tall figure clad all in black, giving each in turn what time he could, listening to each, telling each how sorry he was that his ancestor’s ill deed had condemned them to a hundred years of misery. I watched their faces from where I stood with Magnus by the circle. I saw no anger there, no sorrow, only respect, acknowledgment and a dawning hope. Tonight, this very night we will be at rest.

“ This must work,” I muttered. “It has to.”

“What if Muirne doesn’t make an appearance?” Magnus asked quietly. “It sounds as if it can’t succeed without her.”

I had discussed this point with Anluan at some length: what Aislinn’s part must be, whether she should stand in the center again and what would happen to her if she did. She would not be willing. She’d have to be coerced to take her place, and that felt wrong to me.

“She’ll do it if I bid her,” Anluan had said. “Caitrin, the girl is a murderess several times over. She must be banished with the rest of them. If Nechtan’s spell of summoning required her to stand in the middle of the pentagram, then we must do that again.”

“I suppose she will come if Anluan calls her,” I said now. “She has always obeyed him.” But still, in the depths of my mind, I wondered if this was right. Anluan had not seen that last vision in the obsidian mirror. He had not felt Aislinn’s utter terror as she realized Nechtan would not save her, that he didn’t want to save her, that her life was the price of his success. Yes, she had performed evil acts; she was a killer.Yet I knew that if it were up to me to make her step into the center tonight, I would not be able to do it.

I made my own farewells as dusk darkened to night.The cool light of the moon shone down into the courtyard, illuminating the wan faces of the host. The wise woman: I thanked her for her calm assistance and she bowed her head in grave acknowledgment.Why this self-possessed, serene creature had found herself amongst Nechtan’s host, I could not understand. The monks, who now emerged from the chapel to join the others: I thanked them for their skill with the wounded. “And for your singing,” I added. “When I heard that, it seemed to me that God was present even here, in this place folk call accursed. I remembered that when we go astray, he leads us home.”

“Bless you, child,” said one, and the others said, “Amen.”

Anluan was talking to Eichri now, a hand on the cleric’s shoulder. Rioghan stood alone, his red cloak a bright note in the moonlight. I walked over to him, remembering the day the two of them had met me on the road and showed me the way.

“Rioghan.”

He had never been given to smiles, and he did not smile now, but there was a warmth in his dark eyes.“Caitrin, lovely lady.You’ve brought our boy great happiness. Be happy yourself, my dear. Live your life well.”

“I will, Rioghan.You’ve been a wonderful friend. I want to thank you for your loyalty to Anluan.” Curse it, I had thought myself strong enough not to shed tears; there would be time enough for them later, when this was done. “I wish you could stay with us. I hope you find what you most long for. Surely you have earned that by now.”

“You’ve a great deal of kindness in you, Caitrin. May the world treat you as kindly.As for what unfolds next, for me, for that wretch of a monk,” the glance he cast Eichri’s way was affectionate,“for the rest of this motley bunch, who knows what we can expect? A different ending for each of us, perhaps.You are right to use the word hope.That is all we can do.”A shiver passed through him, and he pulled the cloak more tightly around him.

Next, Cathaír. He had changed since the day I fled the Tor to confront my own demons. His eyes still darted about; his pose remained restless, the weight shifting from foot to foot. But there was a purpose in his face, a strength and repose in the contours of it. He had been at the very forefront of the attack today, leading the warriors into the heart of the enemy camp. He had played a vital part in the victory. I saw confidence in his look, and a new self-respect. Anluan’s trust had transformed him.

“You will be glad to go, Cathaír,” I said.

“I have waited long for sleep, lady.Yes, I will go joyfully to the land beyond the gray. Yet I would not have been without this day. These last days. Watching the Tor come alive again; singing the song of battle . . .” He fell to one knee before me.“Lord Anluan is a true leader. It has been an honor for me to serve him. But you . . .” His voice faltered, then grew strong again. “You came here with love in your heart. From the first we were real to you, as real as when we wore the flesh and blood of our living bodies.You did not look on us with judgment, but with compassion.You gave us hope.”

My tears were really flowing now. I laid my hand on his shoulder. “You’re a fine man, Cathaír,” I said.“You’ve served him with great courage. I wish you peace.”

This was getting harder and harder. I caught Anluan’s eye as he clasped Eichri in an embrace. He smiled, and I saw that if it was a trial for me, it was far more for him. He had lived amongst these folk all his life. They were his family.

As Anluan moved away, I went up to Eichri and, abandoning the conduct of a chieftain’s wife, threw my arms around him. A chill embrace, but my heart felt only warmth.“Dear Eichri, I’ll miss you every single day. I’m so sorry you have to go, you and Rioghan.” I stepped back, my hands on his shoulders. Immediately I saw that something was different.The strange necklace with its cargo of bones and unidentifiable shrivelled objects was gone. In its place my friend wore a strip of leather from which hung a plain wooden cross.

Eichri saw me looking and grinned.“Never thought you’d see the day, did you, Caitrin? No doubt I convinced you I’d forever remain a sinner unrepentant. I almost convinced myself.”

“How did you . . . ?” I could not find the right way to ask the delicate question.

“Brión of Whiteshore brought a priest with him to tend to the injured and speak prayers over the dying.We talked. I had been asking myself certain questions for some time, Caitrin; going over my past errors. We are taught that God forgives sinners. I did wonder if a sinner such as myself could ever be deserving of such mercy. I haven’t been sure, in the past, that I even wanted it. Something changed in me while you were gone. Perhaps it was the pattern of goodness that you brought with you. Perhaps it was the flowering of hope on the Tor. At any rate, I spoke to Brother Oisín of my past. He listened and gave his opinion that I was wrong about God’s mercy. So I’m working on repentance. Just as well, as it turns out. I pray that this ritual does not condemn me to a hundred years more in that gray place halfway between here and there. More than the fires of hell, I fear boredom.” He regarded me soberly, then flashed his big teeth in a new grin. “And no, I didn’t ask Brother Oisín about a certain secret library. He seemed the kind of man who would be deeply shocked by such a notion.”