Edeet Ravel - Look for Me

There was a long silence at the other end. “Dad, are you there?”

“Yes, yes, I’m just trying to digest what you said. He’s alive?”

“Of course he’s alive. Didn’t you know that?”

“Yes—no—I mean, I had no idea, honey.”

“I told you he’s alive, the army stil sends him his disability checks.”

“Ah, that’s right. Have you seen him?”

“Of course not! I just got the address now. It was a fluke. He’s in Qal’at al-Maraya, that’s why I couldn’t find him.”

“Qal’at al-Maraya! What’s he doing there?”

“Qal’at al-Maraya! What’s he doing there?”

“Hiding, obviously. What a bril iant hiding place.”

“Dana, how do you feel about al this?”

“What do you think, Dad? I’ve only waited eleven years! I’m so excited I can hardly breathe.”

“I’m very happy for you, darling. Very, very happy. But how the hel wil you get to him?”

“El a, maybe.”

“Do you think you should write to him first?”

“No, no, I won’t let him get away this time. How’s Git e?”

“Fine, fine. She says to send her love.”

“Say hi from me, too. Tel her the good news.”

“I wil . Keep me posted. I hope it goes wel , duckie. I’m sure it wil . This is like one of your romance novels, isn’t it?”

“Wel , not exactly. But who knows, maybe I’l write one about a long-lost true love. There’s a song about that, isn’t there? Mummy used to like it.”

“Wel , if he’s in some bat le slain,” my father began to sing, “I’l lie stil when the moon doth wane. If he’s drowned in the deep salt sea, I’l be true to his memory. And if he’s found another love, and he and his love both married be, I wish them health and happiness, where they dwel across the sea.” He stopped singing and coughed. “Bit early in the morning, my voice isn’t quite awake.”

“Don’t stop there! Sing me the end!”

“He picked her up al in his arms, and kisses gave her one, two, three, saying weep no more, my own true love, I am your long-lost John Riley.”

“You’re right, it’s very romantic.”

“This real y is wonderful news, Dana. Qal’at al-Maraya, Jesus. Please be careful, duckie. Good idea to go down with El a. Don’t try it on your own.”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Otherwise I’d be in a taxi right now.”

“Yes. Wel .”

“Dad, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“What did you and Mum do back in South Africa?”

He laughed. “In fifty words or less?”

“I mean, were you in prison? You never real y told me.”

“Why are you asking now?”

“It came up … in a conversation. And I realized that I had no idea.”

“I’m sure I told you we were in prison, for four months. I was in for four, your mother for three.”

“I’d like to know more.”

“Why don’t you come visit, duckie? I’l be happy to tel you about al our antics.”

“Why didn’t you tel me when I was younger?”

“To protect you, I suppose. It would have upset you.”

“Why?”

“Wel , we had a hard time. The bad old days. When are you coming to visit?”

“We’l both come, we’l come together. Me and Daniel. It wil be so great!”

“Yes, that real y would be a dream come true.”

“Bye, Dad.”

“Hugs.”

Ra was sit ing at the kitchen counter, smoking and looking at a newspaper, but I could tel he wasn’t concentrating on what he was reading.

“My father’s a bit of a mystery to me,” I said.

“Why?”

“He just is. He’s quiet, but there’s a lot going on inside his brain.”

“Have you met his wife?”

“No, she’s afraid of flying. They’re very happy together. Guess what? Volvo thinks he’s gay.”

“I can’t think about Volvo right now,” Rafi said.

“I’ve never seen you like this. Of course, I’ve only known you for a week …”

Before he could to answer, the phone rang. It was El a.

“Hi, Dana?” she said. “Odelia told me you were trying to reach me.”

“Yes, it’s about Daniel. He’s living in Qal’at al-Maraya.”

“Yes, I know. Do you want to see him?”

“Of course!”

“I can take you tomorrow.”

“You mean—you’ve known al this time?”

“We can talk about it when we meet. I’ve already spoken to him; I had a feeling that’s what you were cal ing about.”

“We can talk about it when we meet. I’ve already spoken to him; I had a feeling that’s what you were cal ing about.”

“You spoke to him!”

“Yes, he’s expecting you.”

“I’m so confused.”

“We’l talk on the way there. I real y have to run—I have a situation here.”

“Okay.”

“Meet me at the train station at six in the morning, we’l get an early start. Bring water, your ID, of course, and a sandwich. It can take a bit of time. Bye.” She hung up.

“Wel ,” Rafi said.

“I’m so confused!” I repeated. “El a knows. It sounds as if she knew where Daniel was al along. Why didn’t she tel me? She’s spoken to him! She told him I’d cal ed her.”

“El a knows a lot of things no one else knows. Don’t forget she’s there al the time, she knows hundreds of people. Dana, maybe she’s the one who’s been picking up his mail.”

“But now I’m so angry with her. And yet she’s my only link …”

“Don’t blame her. She’s a journalist, she has to know how to keep some things secret. It’s Daniel who asked her not to tel you. You should be angry with him if anyone.”

“You’re not real y reading that newspaper, are you? Let’s talk.” We moved to the living room and sat at opposite ends of the sofa.

“No, I’m not angry with him,” I said. “Because he has a reason. El a didn’t have a reason.”

“What did Daniel say?”

“He said I could come.”

“How do you feel?”

“I’m so nervous, you can’t imagine. I feel a hundred things. I’m happy, I’m excited.”

“You’re afraid.”

“No. Yes. Not of him.”

“Are you afraid he’l reject you in person?”

“No, he won’t reject me, not when he sees me, when he sees how much I love him.”

“He’s forty-seven now, isn’t he?”

“Yes, that’s true. That’s true. I stil think of him as thirty-six, but he’s older, of course.”

“Are you afraid of what you’l feel?”

“No, I’l feel happy, I just want to see him and be with him, it’s a dream come true. I know what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid it’s a trick. I mean, why would he agree, just because I found him? Is it some kind of game? ‘You can’t see me until you find me?’”

“He probably figured there wasn’t anything he could do at this point. You’d found him, and now you’d have to see him.”

“I don’t believe this is happening. I’m afraid something wil ruin it. That’s what I’m afraid of. That he’l dodge me again.”

“There’s nowhere left for him to go.”

“I’l bring him the silk dressing gown I bought when he was in the hospital, just before he escaped. I’ve kept it for him, it’s stil in perfect condition. What else? Should I bring some photographs? No …I’l wait with those. I don’t want any distraction, I just want us. Maybe just the bird photo, it’s my favorite one.”

“What bird photo?”

“Remember the demo at Rmeid? On the anniversary of the kil ings?”

“Yes, I was there.”

“Remember how the police and army agreed to stay away? A moment of sanity! They were actual y able to see that if they just didn’t show up everything would go smoothly. Wel , I was right up front, and I saw some of these very religious Muslim guys in their green robes waving their green ags and I admit I was a bit scared. I gured—fundamentalists, who knew what they were up to. Suddenly they al got very excited. They began pointing and shouting and I thought, Oh no, the police are here after al , shit. They were real y agitated and I was sure violence was about to break out. And then I saw what they were pointing at. Birds! A whole ock of black birds, hundreds of birds in formation, sweeping across the white sky. I have a shot of that, of the birds and the guys in the robes pointing at the birds and get ing al excited. Maybe they thought the birds were the souls of the boys who were kil ed. The picture came out real y good, I’l show it to you later.