Edeet Ravel - Look for Me

Maybe I’l just bring that one to show Daniel.”

“I wonder whether the army was worried that he’d crossed over.”

“Worried about what? He didn’t know anything, apart from how to fold uniforms. But I stil can’t believe that El a knew. She let me su er.

She let me suf er al these years. I hate her.”

“Maybe it hasn’t been years.”

“Yes, it must have been, because she’s been reporting from there for years, and obviously she’d know about something like that. How could she be so cruel?”

“Maybe it was real y hard for her,” Ra said. “Maybe she thought that if Daniel real y didn’t want to see you, tel ing you his address wouldn’t do anyone any good.”

“Don’t defend her. Anyhow, who cares. The main thing is that I’m going to see him!”

“I hope it goes wel , Dana.”

“Yes. I’l bring him back here. I’l bring him back and we can start having a life again, both of us.”

“He may not want to come back. Why not wait and see?”

“I wonder how he feels, knowing I’l be coming tomorrow?”

“I wonder how he feels, knowing I’l be coming tomorrow?”

“Probably even more nervous than you.”

“I don’t know how I’l survive until tomorrow. Yes, I do know. Can you stay? Can you stay with me, or do you have to be home?”

“I can stay.”

“I stil love you.”

“I know.”

“But Daniel comes first.”

“No one has to come first or second.”

“Maybe not in the way people feel, but in what people do they have to make a choice.”

“That’s true.”

“I want to be with you until tomorrow. And then it wil be over.”

“Don’t plan everything, Dana. Life’s easier if you don’t make too many plans.”

“You think it won’t work out between me and Daniel, but you’re wrong. You don’t know how close we were.”

“I just think you need to take things a step at a time. It’s been eleven years. A lot has happened to Daniel since then. Try to imagine what his life has been like. He must have found a way to integrate into that society. He might be a dif erent person now.”

“No, he’s not dif erent. His personality was too strong. And our societies aren’t that dif erent! We have a lot in common.”

“Whatever happens, I’l stand by you.”

“Thank you. Let’s go somewhere. I don’t want to stay here, I want to feel this is his place now.”

“We can go to a hotel if you like.”

“Yes, I’d like that. You know, Coby of ered us a room.”

He laughed. “Are you sure that’s not too far? We don’t want to get carried away.”

“It doesn’t have to be another part of the country, just another place. Am I being selfish?”

“No, it makes sense, Dana. I’m surprised you haven’t asked me to leave altogether.”

“I’d like to, but I can’t.”

“Dana, are you punishing Daniel?”

“What do you mean? That I’m using you? Using you to get back at him for leaving me? Is that what you think?”

“I’m asking.”

“I’m not using you.” Tears rol ed down my cheeks. “That’s the second time you’ve made me cry.”

“I’m glad. You haven’t been crying enough since Daniel left.”

“No, I didn’t cry, because I knew I’d see him. I knew we’d be together again. And I was right. Let’s go across the street and check in.”

“Yes. Good old Coby.”

“Nice room.”

“Mm.”

“That was very moving, the way the two of you said hel o.”

“Who?”

“You and Coby.”

“What do you mean?”

“The way you both looked at each other. As if you were incredibly happy to see one another.”

“I guess we were close once. Coby was a sniper, though; so a lot of the time we had dif erent assignments.”

“I asked him about the lynching. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.”

“Is that what he said?”

“Yes.”

“He was standing right next to me. He threw up. A lot of us felt like puking, but he actual y did. Then he reported the two guys.”

“Is he married?”

“Yes, he has two daughters, he’s done wel for himself.”

“I shouldn’t have brought that up.”

“I don’t mind. Maybe you’re trying to get your mind of other things. Or to talk about them in terms of my experiences.”

“That’s an odd way of looking at it … I forgot to tel Volvo I won’t be looking in tonight. Oh wel , he’l manage.”

“I wonder whether he was so aggressive before he lost his legs.”

“I met someone who knew him from before—he said Volvo was one of the funniest and most upbeat people he knew. He always had a mind of his own, though. He left his family, became secular, not a lot of people do that. I think they told him that was why he lost his legs, that it was a punishment from God … Listen to us! This is what lovers talk about in this country! What a place to live!”

“How about we banish the world for the next twenty hours?”

“What did you tel Graciela?”

“I told her you’d found Daniel. She was very happy for you.”

“She’s real y strange.”

“She’s pimping for me. It makes her feel in control, she thinks she chose you. You’re a safe partner in her eyes, and this way she doesn’t

“She’s pimping for me. It makes her feel in control, she thinks she chose you. You’re a safe partner in her eyes, and this way she doesn’t feel as bad about not sleeping with me.”

“You didn’t tel me that before.”

“Besides, she real y does like you, Dana. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you, by the way?”

“Lots of people. My sergeant hated me with a passion. I ran into her a couple of years ago and she stil hates me. And one of the journalists who interviewed me about Daniel said I was pathetic, neurotic, self-absorbed. She thought waiting for Daniel was self-indulgence of the first order, and also selfish of me. The woman at the photo shop can’t stand me—she’s always making snide remarks.”

“Did you tel that interviewer to go to hel ?”

“No, she was right. She was right about me. Beatrice also thinks it’s self-indulgence, and she’s my friend.”

“Are you and Beatrice close?”

“Not real y, though she sometimes stays the night. It’s nothing serious. It worked out for me too, it was my way of having sex without betraying Daniel.”

“That sort of turns me on.”

“It was nothing special. She’s not the romantic type. I’m not going to continue seeing her now, of course.”

“How old is she?”

“Who knows! Impossible to tel . She lost a son in ’89, if that’s a clue. But I think she had him very young, he was her eldest. She has a ve-year-old, too. I thought we were banishing the outside world.”

“Harder than it sounds.”

“You understand people bet er than I do, Rafi.”

“I don’t understand anyone.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love Daniel.”

“So one gathers.”

“You have a scar here, I didn’t notice before.”

“Yes, a knife found its way to my thigh. I didn’t even feel it when it happened. Guy grabbed my ri e strap, stuck a knife in my leg. I wasn’t aware it was happening, I didn’t feel a thing. Someone pointed out to me afterward that I was bleeding.”

“I guess it’s hopeless. We’l never succeed in having the sort of conversation lovers have in Hol ywood films. We’re doomed.”

“We’re haunted.”

“We’re possessed.”

“We’re horny.”

“We’re in love.”

“We’re sexy.”

“We’re fabulous.”

“I love your body. I love your breasts.”

“You’re handsome. Extremely handsome.”