Jill Smolinski - The Next Thing on My List

Hell, who was I kidding? I’ d take the cash.

The idea of a baby, however, was much trickier.

One thing was certain: I needed to think things through on my own before I opened debate to the floor. Sure, getting input from friends and family would help me sort things out. That was, if I had a different group of friends and family. In my case, it was guaranteed I’ d be bombarded with opinions. Better to know where I stood and then see if the winds of public opinion could topple me.

Having recently discovered that lists can be quite helpful in setting one’ s life on a new course, I pulled out a pencil and piece of paper and made a list of my own.

Reasons to Adopt the Baby

1. There is a baby who needs a mother

2. I would be awesome mom-would never yell at child and would feed her organic vegetables and hardly ever doughnuts

3. Am 34

4. Almost 35

5. May be only chance to be a mom

6. Could cross off #3: Change someone’ s life in bold strokes

7. Taking action = getting what you want from life, i.e., Alison Freeman *1

Reasons Not to Adopt the Baby

1. Being a single mom perhaps not all it’ s cracked up to be

2. I want a baby, but do I want a baby now?

3. Could I love baby that wasn’ t ‘ mine’ ?

4. Possibility of suddenly meeting man of dreams, having fairytale wedding, and starting own family with own biological children sooner than expected, i.e., Alison Freeman *2

As soon as I wrote the pros and cons, I dismissed #3 under Reasons Not to Adopt the Baby. Of course I’ d love the baby. Look at Angelina Jolie. Would anyone ever believe that a woman who wore a vial of blood around her neck could form a maternal bond so deeply and so quickly? Yet she can’ t seem to collect enough of the little tykes. Love wasn’ t the issue.

There were decidedly more yeas than nays on the list. But that alone wasn’ t enough to tip the scales. What was the weight of each argument? Was there any one that trumped them all? Was there a deal breaker in there? I couldn’ t be sure. Perhaps I could call my old friend Linda who’ d done the boyfriend spreadsheet for me to see if she could whip up a logical calculation determining what I should do now.

I sighed and tossed aside the list. This was not a decision I’ d make logically.

It would be an act of the heart.

Whatever I chose to do-to adopt or not to adopt-my life would be forever altered. This could be my chance to make up for everything I’ d ever let slide.

Then again, it could be the biggest mistake I’ d ever make.

‘ SO AM I CRAZY for considering it?’ I asked Martucci on our Monday morning run. I was running a nine-minute mile at this point. More important, what I was doing resembled running, versus the walking with spurts of gasping and collapsing I’ d started out doing. Without a bathroom scale I didn’ t know if I’ d dropped any weight, but my skinny clothes were fitting better. That was a hopeful sign.

‘ Sounds as if you’ ve more than considered it. Sounds like you’ ve made up your mind. And it’ s great you’ re going to adopt this kid. Being a parent is the best thing that can happen to a person.’

I’ d learned enough about Martucci from running with him to know that he didn’ t have children himself. Or a wife, for that matter. Not sure about the girlfriend-I preferred to remain ignorant. ‘ What do you know about kids?’

‘ With these Italian genes? I’ ve got thirteen nieces and nephews. Two more in the oven as we speak. My brother in Pittsburgh’ s got a wife that pops them out like toaster pastries.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘ Okay, let’ s move it. Sixty seconds of sprinting& go!’

I hurled myself around the track. The 5K race was in two weeks. I wasn’ t going to win it, but thanks to my training, I wouldn’ t make a fool of myself, either. After the minute, which felt like an hour, I slowed to a jog again. ‘ You plan to have any of your own?’ I asked, huffing. ‘ Kids?’

‘ Someday. I’ m in no hurry. God favors us men. We can spread our seed even when we need a gallon of Viagra to get it up. A woman in her thirties, though& I’ ll bet your clock’ s ticking like a bomb.’

‘ It wasn’ t before. I mean, I knew I wanted kids. But I was never panicked about it. Now all of a sudden I am.’

He mulled it over and then said, ‘ Makes perfect sense. It’ s like how sometimes you don’ t feel hungry. But you go by a fast-food place and smell the food. Next thing you know, you’ re starved. It’ s not that you didn’ t need food before. You just didn’ t know how hungry you were until food came along.’

‘ Exactly!’ Who knew Martucci was so wise? ‘ But why is it,’ I asked him, ‘ you think I’ ve made up my mind?’

‘ You told me point-blank when you got here that you were going to adopt a kid in a couple months.’

I stopped in my tracks. ‘ I did?’

Martucci circled back around and stood jogging in place in front of me. ‘ Yeah.’

‘ Just like that? I said it?’

He reminded me of the conversation, and he was right. I’ d said it. Popped out of my mouth. I’ m going to adopt a kid in a few months. It hadn’ t been ‘ I might’ or ‘ Maybe I will.’ I’ d said, ‘ I’ m going to.’ That was when I realized. It wasn’ t a decision of the mind. Or even of the heart.

It was pure gut.

And my gut said yes.

Yes, yes, yes!

‘ Oh, my God!’ I said. ‘ I’ m going to be a mother!’

‘ Congratulations.’

‘ Thanks.’ My mind swirled with endorphins and excitement. Even my elbows felt buzzy. Oh, I knew there was still much to do before anything was 100 percent certain. I’ d need to get a lawyer that specialized in this sort of thing, or at the very least download legal forms off the Internet. I’ d have to sit down with Deedee and her mom to work out the kinks. But there was no doubt in my mind, or in my belly, anyway: I’ d do what it took to make it happen.

‘ So what’ s your family say about this?’ Martucci asked.

‘ I haven’ t told them. I haven’ t told anybody.’

‘ I’ m the first to know?’

‘ Guess so.’

‘ Parker, I’ m honored.’ He grabbed me and engulfed me in a hug. I cringed as sweat poured off him, running down my neck and soaking through my clothes. Although, I reminded myself, I was about to be a mom (!), so I’ d need to get used to dealing with bodily fluids as bad as or worse than this. ‘ I had no idea you thought so much of me,’ Martucci said, releasing me from the hug.

I used my shirt to wipe up his sweat. ‘ Are you kidding? You’ re my jogging buddy.’

No need to hurt his feelings. Martucci had been easy to tell. He was the flagpole I’ d run it up, confident that he’ d salute. I suspected the other people in my life might not be quite so easy to win over.

Chapter 16

#3 Change someone’ s life

#5 Run a 5K

#7 Make Buddy Fitch pay

#15 Mom and Grandma to see Wayne Newton

#16 Get a massage

#19 Show my brother how grateful I am for him

#20 Make a big donation to charity

With seven weeks left until Marissa’ s birthday, I called an emergency meeting at the Brass Monkey. A bar near work famous for its happy hour, it was also the scene of the crime, where I’ d kissed the busboy months prior. Although today must’ ve been his day off. Or he’ d quit, tired of sexual harassment from the customers. Maybe he’ d spotted me and was hiding in the back. At any rate, I didn’ t see him.

I’ d gathered the troops-Susan, Brie, and Martucci-promising I’ d buy all the two-dollar margaritas they could suck down. Because I needed help. Desperately.

The cold, hard truth: I was getting scared. Marissa had started the list with two items crossed off. I’ d completed eleven. Seven remained. Although I’ m no math genius, even I could see that I had to pick up the pace if I was to succeed. And, true to form, I’ d left the hardest for last. Sure, I could rally. But with so much of my focus now on adopting the baby, I feared I might not.