Mardy Grothe - Neverisms

Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head

& Other Drawings B. KLIBAN, title of 1976 book

Never Suck a Dead Man’s Hand:

Curious Adventures of a CSI DANA KOLLMANN, title of 2007 book

Kollmann, a crime scene investigator with the Baltimore Police Department for more than ten years, got the title for her book from a mishap that occurred one bitterly cold night when she attempted to lift the fingerprints of a man who had died in a traffic accident. After normal fingerprinting methods failed to work, she carefully put each one of the dead man’s fingers inside her mouth to rehumidify it with her breath, making sure not to make any contact. After she successfully employed the technique with seven fingers, her hand slipped on the eighth attempt, and the man’s ring finger lodged in her mouth like a fish hook. It lasted for only a few seconds, but it grossed out Kollmann—and thoroughly entertained the many male cops who were present at the scene.

Never Trust a Pretty Face AMANDA LEAR, title of 1979 album

Never Be Lied To Again:

How to Get the Truth in 5 Minutes or Less

in Any Conversation or Situation DAVID J. LIEBERMAN, title of 1999 book

And Never Stop Dancing:

Thirty More True Things You Need to Know Now GORDON LIVINGSTON, title of 2006 book

This was a sequel to Dr. Livingston’s 2004 bestseller Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart. In the sequel, he also advised: “Never mind dying with dignity; try living with dignity.”

Never Blink in a Hailstorm and Other Lessons on Leadership DAVID L. MCKENNA, title of 2005 book

Never Sniff a Gift Fish PATRICK F. MCMANUS, title of 1983 book

The title emerged when McManus and some friends were musing on the paucity of great hunting and fishing quotations. It’s similar to Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Never Ask a Man the Size of His Spread:

A Cowgirl’s Guide to Life GLADIOLA MONTANA, title of 1993 book

This illustrated gift book, published around the time “cowboy wisdom” books were enjoying great popularity, contained these additional cowgirl rules:

Never venture onto thin ice with a fancy skater.

Never—under any circumstances—admit that you like to cook.

Never let yourself be drawn into a game

where you do not know the rules—ALL the rules.

Never Check E-Mail in the Morning:

And Other Unexpected Strategies for Making Your Work Life Work JULIE MORGENSTERN, title of 2005 book

For almost twenty years, the first thing I’ve done every morning is check my e-mail, so I was tantalized by the title of Morgenstern’s book. When she recommended that people “break the e-mail habit” by spending the first hour of each day on high-level strategic thinking and other high-priority tasks, I clearly understood her reasoning. And I agree that it is a wonderful idea. But I still check my e-mail the first thing every morning.

Never Let a Skinny Guy Make Sandwiches GENE MUELLER & BOB DENYER, title of 1993 book

Never Bite When a Growl Will Do MICHAEL NASTASI, title of 2006 book

Never Shower in a Thunderstorm:

Surprising Facts and Misleading Myths

About Our Health and the World We Live In ANAHAD O’CONNOR, title of 2007 book

Never Trust a Calm Dog: And Other Rules of Thumb TOM PARKER, title of 1991 book

Never Look Back RIDLEY PEARSON, title of 1985 book

Over the years, nearly fifty books have been given the title Never Look Back. In Ridley’s novel—his first book—the saying was described as “The Cardinal Rule of Espionage.”

“Never Try to Trick Me with a Kiss”SYLVIA PLATH, title of 1946 poem

Never Love a Stranger HAROLD ROBBINS, title of 1948 book

Harold Robbins became a teenage millionaire during the Great Depression by buying food directly from struggling farmers and selling it to wholesalers and food canning companies. He then squandered it all after speculating wildly on sugar futures. In his early twenties, he moved to California, got a job as a shipping clerk at Universal Pictures, and ultimately worked his way up to a job in the bookkeeping department. One day, after a Universal VP overheard Robbins make a disparaging remark about a novel that had been made into a film, the studio exec said, “If you can write a better novel, do it.” Robbins took the challenge by writing Never Love a Stranger , a sexually graphic tale about New York City’s underworld that was considered shocking at the time (ads for the novel proudly proclaimed, “Banned in Philadelphia”). Over the next twenty-five years, Robbins became wildly successful, writing more than twenty novels that sold more that 250 million copies. While The Carpetbaggers (1961) was his best-known book, Robbins often said that Never Love a Stranger was his favorite. The book was adapted into a 1958 film by the same title.

Never Trust a Sister over Twelve STEPHEN ROOS, title of 1993 book aimed at fourth-graders

Never Throw Stones at Your Mother: Irish Insults and Curses DAVID ROSS, title of 2001 book

Never Be a Victim:

The Practice of Psychological Self-Defense EDWARD N. ROSS, title of 1996 book

Never Throw Out a Banana Again:

And 364 Other Ways to Save Money at Home Without Knocking Yourself Out DARCIE SANDERS, title of 1995 book

Never Let ’em See You Sweat: A Tranquilizer for Presenters PHIL SLOTT, title of 2000 book

Sixteen years after Slott created “Never let ’em see you sweat” for Gillette’s Dry Idea advertising campaign (discussed in the classic neverisms chapter), he chose the legendary slogan for the title of a book on public speaking. He began every one of the book’s twenty chapters with the word never. Here are ten of them: Never Trust One Rehearsal Never Drown in a Sea of Faces Never Forget Your Crutches Never Believe They’re Out to Get You Never Let Their Agenda Be Your Agenda Never Be Pointless Never Be Ignorable Never Be Too Serious Never Get Caught Lying Never Run at the Mouth

Never Let the Bastards Wear You Down DEE SNIDER, title of 2000 album

Snider achieved fame as the front man for the heavy metal band Twisted Sister . This was his only solo album, consisting entirely of songs written during his time with the group. The title comes from a mock-Latin saying, Illegitimi non carborundum, that emerged during WWII and was said to mean, “Don’t let the bastards grind you down.” The saying is often associated with “Vinegar Joe” Stillwell, an American army general who adopted it as a motto. The saying got national publicity in 1946 when Alabama congressman Frank Boykin sent President Truman an elaborately lettered copy of the saying to be placed on his desk in the Oval Office.