Mardy Grothe - Neverisms

(screenplay by Ron Bass & William Broyles)

In the film, Connery plays the role of Robert “Mac” MacDougal, an aging international art thief. In this scene, he explains “The Rules” to his unlikely partner, a sexy insurance investigator (Catherine Zeta-Jones) who needs his help in the investigation of an art heist.

Never stop fighting till the fight is done.KEVIN COSTNER, as G-man Eliot Ness,

in the 1987 film The Untouchables

(screenplay by David Mamet)

This was a tagline for the movie. It came at the very end of the film, just after Capone has been convicted. Ness, surrounded by reporters, says, “Never stop, never stop fighting till the fight is done.” Capone, who can barely hear Ness amidst the pandemonium, says, “What’d he say? Whadda you saying?” After Ness replies, “I said never stop fighting till the fight is done,” he adds, “It’s over.”

Never let it be said that your anal-retentive

attention to detail never yielded positive results.MATT DAMON, to Ben Affleck, in the 1999 film Dogma

(screenplay by Kevin Smith)

This line is one of the highlights of a quirky black comedy in which Damon (as Loki) and Affleck (as Bartleby) play two renegade angels who, because of Bartleby’s attention to detail, discover a loophole that may get them readmitted to heaven.

Remember, you are a star.

Never go across the alley, even to dump garbage,

unless you are dressed to the teeth.CECIL B. DEMILLE, his stock advice to film stars

Never judge a book by its movie.J. W. EAGAN

This alteration of Never judge a book by its cover has been around for decades, but I’ve never been able to learn anything about the mysterious Mr. Eagan. The quotation describes a popular view: movies rarely do justice to the books on which they are based.

Never lose your openness,

your childish enthusiasm throughout the journey that is life,

and things will come your way.FEDERICO FELLINI, advice to actors

Never work with animals or children.W. C. FIELDS

This became a signature line for Fields, even though he was not the author (it was a show-business maxim he learned early in his career). The saying has been repeated countless times, and even spawned a great insult. In 1985, Gabriel Byrne appeared in his first starring role in Defense of the Realm , a fast-paced political thriller costarring Greta Scacchi and the English actor Denholm Elliott. Byrne, who found Elliott to be extremely difficult to work with, quipped in a post-film interview: “I amended the actor’s cliché to: ‘Never work with children, animals, or Denholm Elliott.’”

Take your work seriously, but never yourself.MARGOT FONTEYN, advice to stage performers

Never tell me the odds.HARRISON FORD, in The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

(screenplay by Leigh Bracket & Lawrence Kasdan)

Ford, in the role of Han Solo, says this to C-3PO, who has just informed him: “Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1.” The line comes from the fifth episode in George Lucas’s Star Wars series.

Never let pride be your guiding principle.MORGAN FREEMAN, in a 1991 Essence magazine profile

Never give up; and never, under any circumstances,

no matter what—never face the facts.RUTH GORDON

In general, ignoring the facts is a questionable strategy, but there are some occupations—such as acting—where the competition is so stiff and success so unlikely that a certain amount of denial might actually be helpful. Marlo Thomas once said similarly: “Never face facts; if you do you’ll never get up in the morning.”

Never say never.

Say never about something and life will spit it right back at you.MELANIE GRIFFITH, as Dora DuFran, in the

1995 CBS made-for-TV movie Buffalo Girls

(teleplay by Cynthia Whitcomb)

Whitcomb based her script on Larry McMurtry’s 1990 novel Buffalo Girls, streamlining—and I think, improving—some of his words in the process. In the book, the passage goes this way: “Well, you shouldn’t say you’ll never do something,” Dora told her. “Say it and life will spit it back at you.”

Never joke about a woman’s hair, clothes, or menstrual cycle.JOHN HANNAH, to Gwyneth Paltrow,

in the 1998 film Sliding Doors

(screenplay by Peter Howitt)

Early in the film, the character James Hammerton (John Hannah) notices that Helen Quilley (Paltrow) is sporting a new haircut. After he says, “Haircut suits you, by the way,” Helen demurs. To prove his compliment was genuine, he says, “No, it does, it does. No gag.” He then adds the never joke line to bolster his claim of sincerity.

When I left home, my father gave me some very sound advice.

Never trust a man who can’t look you in the eye.

Never talk when you can listen.

And never spend venture capital on a limited partnership

without a detailed analytical fiduciary prospectus.WOODY HARRELSON, as bartender Woody Boyd,

in a 1986 episode of the TV sitcom Cheers

Never let them see you bleed.DESMOND LLEWELYN, to Pierce Brosnan,

in the 1999 James Bond film The World Is Not Enough

(screenplay by Neal Purvis, Robert Wade & Bruce Fierstein)

This line may have been inspired by Never let ’em see you sweat, which we discussed in the classic neverisms chapter. It occurs in the following dialogue between Q (Llewelyn), and Agent 007 (Brosnan): Q: I’ve always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed. . . . Bond: And the second? Q: Always have an escape plan.

In seven James Bond films from 1963 to 1973, Llewellyn played the role of Q, the head of the fictional research and development lab of the British Secret Service. Q’s lab was often referred to as “the gadget lab,” for all the ingenious inventions that Bond used to extricate himself from dangerous situations.

Never keep a customer waiting and never let one get away.GEORGE LLOYD, as the character Dobson, in the 1949 film

Bandit King of Texas (screenplay by Olive Cooper)

Never show yourself to be insecure.RONALD NEAME, advice to directors

Neame was a respected filmmaker, the director of such films as The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1968) and The Poseidon Adventure (1972). He was a noted cinematographer and producer as well, but he was speaking as a director here. He introduced his neverism this way: “Remember, no matter how young you are, you are a father figure.”

Three things to remember when you get older:

Never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on,

and never trust a fart.JACK NICHOLSON, in the 2007 film The Bucket List

(screenplay by Justin Zackham)

Nicholson, in the role of the caustic and self-absorbed billionaire Edward Cole, offers this thought to his smart-alecky assistant, Tom (Sean Hayes, of Will and Grace fame). Tom, who has a testy relationship with his boss, replies, “Thanks, I’ll try to keep that in mind as I approach decrepitude.”