Nicola Upson - An Expert in Murder

Catching Josephine’s bemused expression, she made a face of studied ennui and hurriedly brought the call to an end. ‘Anyway, dear, I must go. We’re seeing Johnny soon and you know what he’s like – he’ll want to go straight to Ophelia’s death-scene and we haven’t even got a costume for the poor girl to live in yet.’

‘Were the Crummles in town for the gala week, then?’ Josephine asked wryly as Ronnie replaced the receiver and picked her way through mounds of upholstery cloth and calico to wrap her friend in a hug.

‘Something like that,’ Ronnie said, laughing and leading her over to the breakfast table. ‘It is lovely to see you, you know. Lettice and I were saying only the other day that you’ve spent too long up in dry old Inverness this time.’

Smiling, Josephine heaped sugar into her coffee. ‘It’s good to be here,’ she said. ‘At least in London I don’t feel I need to apologise constantly for having a hit. The English are much more generous-minded than the Scots.’

‘Oh, all small towns are the same, dear. It doesn’t really bother you, does it?’

‘Honestly? Yes, I suppose it does a little. It’s all this “grocer’s daughter made good” business, as if I’ve no right to a life down here with different friends and a different outlook. For them, it’ll always be barrow first and pen second.’

33

‘Hang the lot of them, then. Any more trouble and Lettice and I will come and sort them out. They won’t know what’s hit them.’

‘Don’t make rash promises – I haven’t told you about the woman who runs the post office yet.’

‘Talking of formidable women,’ Ronnie said, still laughing, ‘I feel I should warn you that the Snipe is in a foul temper today and not exactly on her best form. We used the advance from Hamlet to treat her to a new gas cooker because she’s always complaining that she misses her old Eagle, but she hasn’t quite taken control of the regulo yet. God knows what we’ll get for breakfast.’

A curse of confirmation emanated from the small back room that the Motleys had transformed into a makeshift kitchen and the door crashed open to reveal a stout woman of indeterminate age who had obviously already used up what little patience she allowed herself each day. Employment in a household which thrived on colour and changing fashions had cut no ice with Mrs Snipe: her uniform

– black alpaca dress, bibbed apron, worsted stockings and house slippers – was as familiar up and down the country as that of a policeman or nurse and, apart from the length of her skirt, she could easily have been serving toast to a Victorian household.

‘If you were hoping for kidneys, you can forget it,’ Mrs Snipe announced in what would, at any normal volume, have been a west country burr. ‘It’s cockled ’em with the heat. I expect you wanted fish, Miss Josephine, but the fact is there isn’t any, so it’ll have to be bacon and eggs, and you’ll be lucky to get those by the time that thing’s finished with ’em.’

Josephine was not easily intimidated, but there was something about Dora Snipe which turned the normal guest and housekeeper relationship on its head, so she smiled and nodded and accepted what was on offer. Her familiarity with Number 66 had not made her any less wary of the Motleys’ cook. The sisters had never known life without her, yet Mrs Snipe had remained an enigma throughout the thirty-odd years that she had been with the family, first in Cornwall and now in London, where she ‘did’ for Ronnie and Lettice and was housekeeper to their cousin, Archie, to whom she was devoted. As she banged a rack of perfectly browned toast 34

down on the table and returned to the kitchen to beat her new arrival into submission, the front door slammed and there was a squeal of joy from the hall. ‘Darling, how absolutely gorgeous to see you! We’ve been so looking forward to your visit, and don’t you look well!’

Josephine smiled as Lettice blew into the room towards her, dragging in her wake her long-suffering fiancé, George, and four large carrier bags. ‘Trust you to bring a mystery with you,’ Lettice said cryptically as she hugged her friend and threw the morning paper onto a chair, where it soon disappeared under a pile of shopping. ‘Life’s always so much more exciting when you’re south of the border. I’m sorry we weren’t here to welcome you properly this morning, but it’s the Selfridges shoe sale today and you have to get there early if you’re to stand any chance of finding a pair.’

‘Don’t they sell them in pairs, then?’ Josephine asked, exchanging an amused and sympathetic wink with George as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

‘Oh no, dear, that would take all the fun out of it,’ said Ronnie, who was born with her tongue in her cheek. ‘It’s a shilling a shoe but you’re not so much paying for footwear as for the chance to spend a morning as some sort of modern-day Cinderella.’

‘Except that this Prince Charming usually ends up having to carry home enough leather for the entire pantomime,’ George chipped in good-naturedly.

As always, Lettice took the teasing with good grace and found refuge in her breakfast. Buttering her toast thickly on both sides but, with uncharacteristic self-denial, confining the Silver Shred to the top, she looked cheerfully at her sister. ‘You’ll be smirking on the other side of that ravishing face of yours when Lydia’s got through her third pair of brogues in the first week. You know how clumsy she can be if she has to dance.’ Turning to Josephine, she added: ‘We called in at the theatre to pick up the mail. A letter each for Ronnie and I, but that whole bag is yours.’

Josephine groaned and walked over to the sack of correspondence that Lettice had jabbed at with her toast. ‘You know, I hardly have to read them these days,’ she said, taking a handful of 35

letters off the top of the pile. ‘I can tell from the handwriting on the envelope which category they’re going to fall into: complimen-tary and undemanding – they’re the ones I always answer; pedantic and smug – usually with suggestions as to how I might strive for greater historical accuracy next time; and worst of all, the invita-tions – they’re what I use to save on coal. God help me when the Mary Stuart brigade springs into action.’

‘How is the casting going for Queen of Scots ?’ Ronnie asked.

‘Have they found Lydia her Bothwell yet?’

‘No. Lydia and I both think Lewis Fleming would be perfect, but I gather there’s another pretty face on the horizon whom Johnny would prefer,’ Josephine replied, ‘and we all know what that means. Swinburne, his name is, but the only thing I know about him is that he’s made quite an impression at Wyndham’s recently.

Anyway, that’s one of the things on the agenda this afternoon.

Johnny’s asked Fleming to stand in as Richard for the matinee so we can go over and thrash it all out with Aubrey. After all, it’s his money. They’re hoping to open in June, but now that Johnny’s got it into his head to try for a film of Richard , it’s all a bit up in the air. And I don’t know how he thinks he’s going to direct Queen of Scots , work on a film and tour as well. Even our young meteor can’t be in three places at once.’

‘He told me the other day that he was hoping to get out of the tour by persuading Aubrey to send Fleming instead,’ said George who, as an actor himself and the Motleys’ self-appointed manager, was no stranger to dealing with egos considerably more fragile than his own, and with characters much less placid and kindly.

‘But there isn’t a chance in hell that he’s going to get out of that contract: Bordeaux in the provinces is a licence to print money but, just for once, Johnny’s underestimated the value of his name on the bill. The public recognises only one Richard and it wants the real thing, not the reluctant Pretender.’