Jeff Strand - A Bad Day for Voodoo

Oh, and I loved how all of those cop cars got destroyed but no cops actually got hurt. I would have lost sympathy for you and Adam if you'd caused any police officers to die or be seriously injured. (They do have families after all). But no, it was just property destruction!

And then...how many cop cars were chasing you guys? Eight? I was on the edge of my seat, reading that. I mean, literally on the edge of my seat. My husband kept saying, “You're going to fall off the chair if you don't scoot back a little," and I kept saying, “I can't! I can't!"

I don't know about the part where the earth cracked open and you had to drive around the cracks. I looked it up, and apparently the earth did crack open like you said, but that's where you started to lose me a little. Maybe tone it down just a notch.

Also, the helicopter. That part was kind of dumb.

And there's a continuity error where you've been driving, but then suddenly Adam is driving with no explanation. Why did you guys change drivers? How did you do it when you were driving so fast? Clearly there's a logical explanation for this, but it's not in the book itself, so when I read that, I went, “Whoa! What's up with that?" and it kind of took me out of the story. Was the taxi almost out of fuel, so you had to quickly pull into a gas station, and maybe Adam scooted over into the driver's seat while you pumped the gas? Again, I don't want you to lie about anything, but gas station scene = potential for huge explosion. Think about it.

Oh, but I did like how we then found out that Adam had told the cops where Kelley was before he ran out of your house. That was nice, because during the whole car chase, I was thinking, “This is really exciting, but they should have said something to the cops so they could send an ambulance over to help that poor girl." What if you moved that piece a little earlier? Otherwise the reader is going, “Why should I care about this awesome six- car pileup when Kelley is bleeding to death?"

And then you turned onto Duncan Street, and your stomach started to hurt...almost like it was burning. Wow.

That was the best final action sequence I've ever read in a book. I was stunned. If you were dangling from a cliff, and William Shakespeare was dangling from the same cliff, and I only had time to save one of you, it would be, “Sorry, Bill, looks like you're plummeting to your death!"

Everybody in the office agreed that you deserve twice as much money for this book. Check your PayPal account!

Anyway, the reason I'm writing is that I accidentally deleted the file with Chapter 28, and I know you'd mentioned that you were having computer problems, so hopefully you had a backup.

Ciao!

Love, Mindy

[Email address withheld.]

Dear Mindy,

Crap.

Sincerely, Tyler

CHAPTER 29

I grimaced.

“What’s wrong?” Adam asked.

“My stomach hurts all of a sudden.”

“Like how? Like you ate a jalapeno?”

“Way worse than that. It’s like a battery acid capsule just broke in there.”

“That’s not good. So it’s an incineration-from-within kind of feeling?”

“Yeah. Ow! Crap !My stomach is sizzling!”

Adam floored the accelerator, driving even faster than he had when we outran all of those police cars.

“Please hurry,” I said. “I don’t wanna burn!”

“You’re not gonna burn. Just stay with me. Be a rock. We’re almost there. Life is good. Stay happy. Almost there. Almost there. Keep being a rock. Almost there. Damn, just passed it. Backing up.”

He stopped the cab. We threw open the doors and hurried to the back. My stomach gave another intense jolt of pain, and I fell to my knees.

“No! Don’t give up!” Adam shouted. “We’re almost safe! Look how close we.. .oh crap, the trunk is locked.”

He ran back to the front of the taxi and returned a few seconds later with the keys. I managed to stand up as we unlocked the trunk, threw open the lid, and frantically pulled out Mr. Click.

We lost our grip, and he fell onto the ground.

There was thin white smoke in the air, which I realized was coming from my nostrils.

“That’s not good. That’s not good, but just stay calm, stay calm,” said Adam. “Maybe they can come to us.” He rushed over to the door of the voodoo shop and turned the knob. “It’s locked! They closed on us!” He rapped on the door, then kicked it a couple of times.

Smoke was billowing from my nostrils and my mouth. My stomach felt like a little pyromaniac was inside there, lighting matches and giggling.

Adam ran back to the cab, reached inside the trunk, and grabbed a tire iron.

The smoke was starting to turn black.

Adam shattered the front window of the store. An alarm went off.

Esmeralda peeked her head out. I could see that she was holding my doll. “Why the hell you break window? I on my way!”

A flame came out of one of my nostrils. It was just a tiny flame, but still, fire was never supposed to come out of your nose!

Adam tossed Mr. Click’s doll to Esmeralda.

Esmeralda raised both dolls into the air. “ Uiptfjo dibshf pg tvdi uijoht, dbodfm uijt tqfmm jg zpv xpvme!” (I don’t know how she pronounced the words without vowels either.)

The smoke disappeared.

My stomach stopped hurting.

Mr. Click gave me one last sad look, and then he closed his eyes. “He at peace now,” said Esmeralda. “Doll’s power is gone.” She ripped off the head of my doll. “See?”

“1.1.1.hold on a second. Let me catch my breath. Okay.no, wait, haven’t caught it yet.” I stood there for a long moment, trying to regain my composure. Adam patted me on the back. “I don’t know how to thank you,” I said.

Esmeralda took me by the hand and stared deep into my eyes. “You have responsibility now. Serious responsibility. You tell tale of Chosen One. You write it so future generations know of glory of Adam Westell. You write it good, not mess up. Find publisher. This your destiny.”

“I accept,” I said.

“You no have choice, but is good that you accept.”

“So, about the corpse,” I said. “Do you need us to take it away and figure out what to do with it, or will you take care of it?” “We handle.”

“Thanks. Adam, any chance you could take me to the hospital?” “Sure thing.”

CHAPTER 367

Yeah, I’m fudging a bit on the chapter numbers, but think how impressed people will be when you tell them you’ve just finished a book with 367 chapters!

Anyway, this is the part of the book where we wrap things up. [Denouement.] First of all, Kelley did not die. Adam’s directions were superb, and the paramedics found her down there in plenty of time to save her life. I’m not saying that they just slapped a Band-Aid on her and she was fine—there was a lengthy hospital stay involved and some rehab and a scar that I can’t convince her looks really cool—but now she’s fine.

I, too, spent some time in the hospital. I wish I could talk about the miracles of modern science and how they synthesized replacement flesh for me, but no, I still only have eight toes, and my ear didn’t grow back. When I get bummed out about it, I remind myself that it could have been much worse.

Kelley, Adam, and I decided that instead of getting trapped in a web of lies, we would tell the truth about everything, no matter how bizarre the truth might be. The police did not believe us. It didn’t help that Esmeralda’s House of

Jewelry had magically covered their tracks, even repairing the broken glass, and denied all knowledge of doing business with us.

There were investigations out the wazoo and lots of press coverage, and many experts weighed in on how a dead body could go missing from the morgue and why the security camera footage from that evening was too blurry to see and why there was no DNA evidence from our history teacher in the sewer, trunk of the taxi, or sidewalk. One expert said, “I think it is magic!” but he was not taken seriously by his colleagues.