Jeff Strand - A Bad Day for Voodoo

“Oh, good, he’s right there,” said Kelley. “Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s awful that his arms are broken and his leg is gone, but it does make him easy to keep track of.”

“That’s really morbid,” I said. “But accurate.”

Then Kelley looked the way she did when we went to see kittens at the humane society. “Oh, look at him. He looks so sad. I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but I never thought he was all that mean.”

“He was horrible!” I insisted.

“He was good at what he did. Maybe public speaking wasn’t really his thing, but he knew the information, and he could always answer questions, and I think he truly cared about each and every one of us.”

“He hated us!”

“He hated it when we didn’t apply ourselves. He hated it when we didn’t strive for excellence. He hated when he didn’t think we were being good citizens. But to him, there was no teacher’s pet. We were all his pets.”

“Oh, for God’s sake.”

“I’ve never seen such sad, soulful eyes.”

“I know,” said Adam. “They’re haunting.”

“He was the best teacher we’ve ever had. No other teacher cared as much. After we get out of here, I’m going to start raising money for the Mr. Click Memorial Library. I think he’d like that.”

“Or maybe you could put a bunch of books he liked on an e-reader,” Adam suggested.

“That works too. But we have to do something to honor him.” “I miss him,” said Adam. “Even though he’s right there, I miss him. When you stop and think about it, who is the real monster: the mean history teacher or the kids who turned him into a broken zombie? It’s gonna be hard for me to face the mirror for a while.”

“Can we please get him up the ladder before I burn in hell ?” I asked.

“Oh yeah,” said Adam. “Sorry.”

“Well, well, well,” said a familiar voice. It was not Kelley, and it was not Adam, and it was not Mr. Click. It also wasn’t Zeke,

Mildred, Glenn, Franklin, Donna, or Donnie. (Donnie was that guy from the beginning who cheated off my test, whom I confronted at his locker but he wouldn’t admit it.)

It was Ribeye.

He was pointing a gun at me.

“Man, I’ve been walking around these tunnels forever. I didn’t expect to find you again.”

“Shouldn’t you have just gone up the ladder to the junkyard?” I asked. “That’s where I left you.”

“I would have done that, except I wandered around in a daze for a while. You busted my head up pretty good. I haven’t forgotten that.”

“Your gun’s empty,” I said.

Ribeye shook his head. “I had an extra clip in my pocket.” “Prove it—no, no, don’t prove it. What do you want?” “What do you think I want?”

“Peace for all?”

“Not quite.” He looked down at Mr. Click. “You really messed this dude up. What’d he do to you?”

“Nothing. It never should have happened.”

“Maybe I’ll put a mercy bullet in his head after I kill you,” said Ribeye. He squeezed the trigger.

And then Adam jumped in front of me.

CHAPTER 27

Adam was not quick enough. The bullet sailed past him.

And past me.

And hit Kelley in the chest.

She fell to the ground.

Ribeye squeezed off another shot. Adam tried to dive in front of this one as well but missed again, and this bullet nicked my shoulder.

It felt like a mosquito bite delivered by an eight-hundred- pound mosquito.

Ribeye was about to fire a third shot, but then Mr. Click grabbed his foot.

“Oh, you want to play, huh?” asked Ribeye, grinning. “Play with this.”

He fired into Mr. Click’s back.

Ribeye’s grin vanished.

“You’re supposed to let go when I shoot you!” He shot Mr. Click in the back again. Then in the head. Mr. Click did not release his foot. “Hey, this ain’t right!”

Adam rushed at him, tackling Ribeye to the ground. Another gunshot went off, hitting the stone ceiling.

Kelley lay on her side, with a lot of blood on her shirt. I rushed over and crouched down next to her.

“Help Adam,” she wheezed.

Adam punched Ribeye in the face, but it was an Adam-quality punch and didn’t have much effect. I don’t know if zombies have adrenaline, but Mr. Click seemed to have a rush of it, and even though three of his four major appendages weren’t in working order and an alarming portion of his skull was now gone, he made his way over to the Adam/Ribeye fight.

He butted his head against Adam, pushing him off the thug and leaving a small brain stain on Adam’s shirt.

Then Mr. Click pounced on Ribeye.

This next part is gross.

He dug his teeth into Ribeye’s neck and...well, let’s just say that it wasn’t a sensual vampire bite. He swallowed without sufficiently chewing it up and then took another bite. And then a third bite, munching as quickly as a contestant in a hot dog- eating contest.

At this point, I realized that this was pretty much the end of poor Ribeye. So I focused entirely on Kelley.

“Does it hurt?” I asked her, tears streaming down my face.

“Yes.”

“That’s a good sign, though, isn’t it? It’s when it stops hurting that you’re in trouble.”

“No, it hurts like a [bleep].”

“Good.”

“I’m sorry I can’t. ” She paused to cough up some blood. “I’m sorry I can’t help you.. .get Mr. Click up the.. .ladder.”

“You can’t die on me,” I said. “I won’t let you.”

“Oh my God!” Adam screamed. “He just bit off his nose!”

“I may not.be dying,” said Kelley.

“Do you feel like you want to say, ‘So cold, so cold?’”

“No.”

“Maybe you’ll be okay.”

“Oh my God!” Adam screamed. “He just bit off a bunch of the flesh that had been around his nose!”

“Adam.” said Kelley. “.come here.”

Adam hurried over and crouched down on the other side of Kelley. “You’re going to be okay,” he told her. “I promise.”

“I need you.to help Tyler.”

“I will. I will.”

“I’m not going to.die.quite yet.” She coughed again. “I’ve got.more time than.Tyler does. Leave me here. Get the other doll.”

“I’m not leaving you here,” I said.

“Then you’re.going to hell.dumbass.”

“Hell is worse than dying in a sewer,” said Adam. “Let’s get moving.”

I gave Kelley a tender kiss on the lips. “We’ll be back.”

“If you.think you’ll.be.gone.for more than.let’s say.forty-five minutes.call an ambulance.”

“We will,” I promised. “Are you sure you’re okay being down here with Ribeye? He’s really unpleasant to look at.”

“I’ll.close my eyes.”

Adam and I pulled Mr. Click off Ribeye’s body. Mr. Click looked at us, and for a moment, I could see the humanity beneath the surface, as if his eyes were saying, That was for you. Now solve your problem so you can go on to live a long, happy life.

“How are we going to get him up there?” I asked.

“Well, we know he’s okay with being shot in the head,” said Adam. “If we cut him in two, we could each take half up the ladder.” “First let’s see if there’s a rope in the cab.”

There was indeed a rope in the trunk of the cab. That surprised me. I have no idea why it was there; honestly, I only threw that suggestion out there so we could say we tried another option before we sawed Mr. Click in half.

We tied one end of the rope around Mr. Click’s waist and the other end to the back of the taxi. Adam drove forward, raising his body, and yeah, it smacked the top of the manhole pretty darn hard, but it was still the least messy alternative.

We put his body in the trunk.