Radclyffe - Love's Melody Lost

Lauren nodded, reluctantly accepting that Annas heart still belonged completely to Graham Yardley. Despite her own disappointment, as a friend, she would have to let Anna find her own way.

"Ill need your answer by the end of next week ," she conceded.

**********

That night Anna dreamed of Yardley, and of Graham. A storm was coming, like the storm that brought down the sycamore. She was in the garden, the sky darkening around her. Turning to the sea, she saw Graham standing at the edge of the cliff, struggling to stay upright in the gale. She seemed even thinner in the distant gloom, wraithlike, and in danger of being swept from the earth by the force of the snarling winds. Annas cries to her were flung back in her face by the howling blasts. She must reach her!!

"Graham, Im coming," she screamed soundlessly, "Im coming, my darling!!" She fought to move, choking with panic, able only to watch in horror as Graham was flung by the whirlwind into the raging waters.

"No!" she wailed into the night, finally dragging herself to consciousness. She lay gasping, soaked in sweat, her face streaked with tears. The aftermath of her dream left her awash with loss. "Oh God Graham," she whispered into the darkness, "I love you so much."

**********

Anna drove slowly up the drive to Yardley Manor, her heart pounding. Yardley appeared abandoned, dark and foreboding. The shutters were all closed, and windswept debris littered the walks and the wide front porch. She parked her Jeep behind the house by the kitchen and walked down the steep garden path toward the sea. She stopped at the site of the fallen sycamore, thinking of how that accident had finally brought Graham into her arms. Oh, god, she thought she had found heaven. How could she have been so wrong!

She stood for many minutes looking out to the sea, images flashing through her mind like slides on a screen. She recalled how Graham had looked that first day in the library, pale and stern, and so stubborn and proud! She had been drawn to her even then. She remembered the slow building of her love as she had come to know more of the gentle, tortured soul Graham kept hidden within. What finally started tears flowing was the memory of Grahams musicits haunting beauty and the even more beautiful image of Graham playing. As the music cascaded through her mind, so too did the remembrance of their lovemaking. She ached for Grahams touch, and to touch her in return.

Watching the waves crash below, ominous in their fury, she was reminded of the desolation she had felt in her dream. She couldnt continue to live like this. Anna felt a strange steeling of her heart, and a new determination. Replacing the pain that accompanied each breath was a rising anger, and the resolution to put an end to this torment. As she turned and began the long climb back, Anna became aware of another sensations in her heart. She finally recognized that it was hope.

Chapter Nineteen

"Im afraid I simply cannot reveal that information. Im truly sorry."

Anna looked at David Norcross and repeated determinedly, "I must see her. Where has she gone?"

Norcross sighed. "I have strict instructions that no one is to be given that information. If youd like, you can leave a message." His look suggested there was little chance that Graham would return anyones message.

Anna shook her head. "No, I need to talk to her in person."

"If it were a matter of life or death, perhaps."

"Mr. Norcross, it is a matter of life or death. My life and hers." Seeing the surprised look on his face, Anna continued, her eyes locked on his. "I love Graham Yardley. And she loves meI hope. I let her drive me away, but I cant believe thats what she really wants. Please, I must see her. Now, before its too late." Even as she spoke, she struggled with a strange sense of foreboding. She couldnt dispel the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

David Norcross pushed his chair back and went to stand at the windows that rose above Boston Harbor. As his silence grew, Anna remained still, scarcely daring to breathe.

When he spoke at last, it was as if to himself. "I have known Graham Yardley since she was a young girl. Her father was one of my closest friends. Grahams accident nearly killed him, but you must know that," he said, turning to look fully at Anna. "Graham survived, but something vital was lost her joy, her incredible passion, her great talentall gone. We all lost something as a result - and the world lost a great artist."

Anna nodded. "I know thatbut it doesnt have to be that way. Its still part of her, Mr. Norcross - undiminished. Shes been hurt, and shes afraid. I was afraid, and I failed us both. Please help us."

Norcross bent over his desk, wrote quickly on a piece of stationery and handed the slip of paper across the desk to Anna.

"I wish you luck, my dear. For all of our sakes."

**********

"Oh my lord, is it really you?"

Anna swept Helen up into her arms, hugging her fiercely. "Yes, Helen, its really me." She stepped back to gaze at the older woman, instantly struck by the distress and worry in her face. For the first time since Anna had known her, she looked every one of her sixty-five years. Something was wrong. "Is she here, Helen?"

Helen nodded. "Shes out in the gazebo." Helens voice caught on a sob, and she turned away to hide her tears. "I was just taking her tea. Ill ask her if shell see you."

Anna gently restrained her with a hand on her arm. "No you wont. This time it isnt up to her. I intend to talk to her."

"Then youd better prepare yourselfshes ill."

Something in the way Helen looked told more than her words. Icy fear gripped Annas heart. "Tell me."

Helens voice trembled as she recounted the events of the last few terrifying weeks. "She came down with pneumoniasix weeks ago, I think. For some reason the doctors couldnt explain to me, she didnt respond the way they expected to the medicines. They said there was something wrong with her resistancebut"

"What do you think?" Anna asked, her throat painfully tight.

Helen looked at Anna sadly, then replied, "I think she didnt care if she got well. Ive seen Graham through what I thought were the worst times of her life, and Ive never seen her like this."

"Why are you here? Why did you leave Yardley?" Anna asked, fighting her panic, struggling to understand what was happening.

Helen tried not to sound harsh, but her fear outweighed her concern for Annas feelings. "I told you what would happen if you left her! She wouldnt stay there a day after you moved out. Ordered a car, told me to close the house, and left for Philadelphia that night. Shes been alone with her piano day and night, worse than Ive ever seen her. One final work, she said - and shes been at it frantically for months. No wonder the doctors couldnt help! I know whats shes doing! When this is done, she means to leave us!" Helen broke into quiet sobs.

"Oh Jesus," Anna whispered, her eyes closed tightly against the thought. "Why didnt you call me? You must have known I would come!"

"I almost did, especially those few days when she was so ill it looked like we might lose her"

"Oh, god," Anna groaned. Please dont let this be happening !

"But she made me promise that I wouldnt. She didnt want your pity, she said."

"My god, shes a foolbut no more so than I," Anna said harshly. "I called her a coward, but it was I who was the coward. I knew what she had been through. I knew about Christine! Eventually she would have accepted that I loved her, if only I had stayed!"

"It wasnt your love she doubted," Helen corrected gently.

"Then what?" Anna cried in frustration.

"She was afraid of her love for you - afraid it would be too much. She never believed that you would stay."