Radclyffe - Love's Melody Lost

"And I left her, didnt I?" Anna said bitterly. "This is madness - I have to make her hear me, Helen. I love her so much!"

"Just dont let her send you away," Helen said firmly, beginning to hope for the first time in months. "Shell try to, you know."

Anna shook her head grimly. "I wont leave if theres any part of her that loves me - no matter what she says."

Helen smiled, "Then I neednt worry. Just go to her, my dear girl."

**********

Graham stood at the rear of the open gazebo, her back to the entrance. Anna paused at the threshold, paralyzed with the reality of seeing her again. She appeared even thinner; Anna could see that she had lost weight. Each tendon in the fine hand that rested on the rail stood out in stark contrast to the overlying skin, stretched to near translucency. Even from a distance Anna saw the tremor in the delicate fingers. She wanted so much to hold her, but she held back. They must talk.

"Thank you, Helenjust leave it, please," Graham said in a low voice. After a moment she tilted her head, listening, "Helen?"

"Hello, darling," Anna called softly, her voice catching in her throat.

Graham swayed slightly and the hand that clutched the railing turned white.

"Anna?" she whispered in disbelief. Abruptly she turned, her dark eyes searching for a figure she would never see, "Anna?"

Anna gasped and took an uncertain step forward. Graham looked so ill! Her normally brilliant gaze was clouded with pain. Her face was gaunt and lined with fatigue. But even more frightening than the dark circles smudging her normally clear skin was her obvious physical weakness. She leaned heavily on her walking stick, and without it Anna was sure she would fall.

"Yes, its me," she said, struggling to keep the fear from showing in her voice. "Im sorry its taken me so long to get here."

Graham straightened with difficulty. She would not have Anna here because of her weakness! With a semblance of her previous authority she demanded, "Did Helen send for you?"

"No, darling, she didnt. I came because I couldnt bear being separated from you any longer. Ive missed you so much."

"I dont want your pity, Anna," Graham snapped, her tone harsh. "And I dont want you here because of my needs." Sagging slightly despite her best efforts, she passed a trembling hand across her face. In a strained voice, she pleaded, "I have little left but my pride, Anna. Please leave me that."

Anna crossed the distance between them to grasp Grahams shoulders in her hands. "Not your needs, Graham mine . I need youmore than youll ever know. I need your strength and your passion and your desire. And, oh god, I need your music!" She tightened her hold, fearing that Graham would somehow slip away. "My life is so barren without you! Please wont you let me come home?"

Graham bowed her head, eyes closed. "Anna, I dont know if I can- I dont know if I dare."

This time Anna would not be denied - she would not give up. "What cant you do, darling? Is it that you dont want me?"

Graham couldnt resist a fleeting caress against Annas cheek. She had thought never to feel her again. She had tried so hard to deny what she knew to be true - that she loved her with the last beat of her heart. As her touch lingered, she remembered each moment of their last night together. Her breath caught painfully in her throat. Softly she said, "Yes, I want you -more than life itself."

"Then what?" Anna persisted, catching Grahams fingers, bestowing a fleeting kiss to her palm. "Tell me why you wont let me love you."

Graham drew a shuddering breath, her eyes closed against the pain. "Im afraid that if I do, it will happen again. I am everything Christine accused me of being - possessive, demanding, consuming in my need -Im afraid if I take you into my life, all of my life - Ill drive you away just as I did Christine. It would be worse than death if I lost you then, Anna."

The last words emerged as a strangled whisper, and the anguish in Grahams voice fueled Annas anger. Christine had ruled Grahams life, even in her absence, for far too long! She would not rule her future, nor Annas!

"I am not Christine, Graham! I love you, and I will go on loving you whether you will have me or not. There is nothing you could do, short of not loving me, that would ever make me leave you. I am not afraid of your needs, or your wants, or your passions. I want you! I want to spend my life with youloving you, being loved by you!" She stepped closer until her body pressed lightly against Grahams, forcing her to feel her passion. "Tell me you dont love me, Graham - tell me you dont want me - and Ill go."

"I cant," Graham groaned, trembling at Annas nearness. She hadnt been born strong enough to resist this torture!

"I have made my choice, Graham, and I choose you." Anna kissed her, a kiss too quickly ended. "You have to choose whether or not you want me. But choose for the right reasons! Choose out of lovenot out of fear!"

It was the kiss that undid her. It stirred every emotion she had tried to bury since the day Anna left her. She needed her, she wanted her, and she could not go on without her. She had no choice; Anna offered her life. With a moan deep in her throat, she surrendered. Her lips sought Annas and were answered with an urgency that matched her own. They kissed fervently, their bodies fusing, swaying together as they reaffirmed their possession of one another. Anna felt herself begin to surge out of control, and leaned back unsteadily, her arms locked around Grahams waist, trying to reduce the shaking of her legs. Graham gasped against her neck, groaning in protest at her withdrawal.

"I want you so much," Graham murmured, insistent, one hand sliding under the loose fabric at Annas waist. Her hand moved lower, seeking the hot welcoming wetness.

"Graham, wait!" Anna said with effort. "We cant do this here!"

"I dont intend to let you go," Graham growled, her lips seeking Annas again.

"Does this mean you love me?" Anna teased gently, pressing both hands against Grahams chest, restraining her for a moment.

"Eternally, my love," Graham affirmed, pulling her close. "Eternally."

**********

The room Graham led her to was dimly lit by a fire burning in a huge fireplace. A four posted canopy bed faced the hearth from the opposite side of the room. Two glasses and a chilled bottle of champagne stood on the bedside table. Graham stopped inside the door, suddenly uncertain, her face questioning. Anna smiled softly as her grip on Grahams hand tightened.

"I havent changed my mind. Ill never change my mind about loving you," Anna whispered gently. "Dont make me wait to show you how much I love you, darling. Its been far too long already."

They undressed with urgent hands, caressing each other with the wonder of newly discovered love. It was Anna who drew them to the bed, guiding Graham down, resting upon her gently. She wanted her, the want like a fierce hunger in her soul. She ached with the urgency to touch her. Her body screamed for the release only those exquisite hands could give her. She left a pool of moisture on Graham's leg where it pressed to her. Her clitoris threatened to burst from the blood coursing into it. She resisted her demanding need, aware of Grahams physical fragility. She shook with the effort it required for her to hold back.

Graham pulled her nearer with surprising strength. "I need you, Anna - now," she whispered. "Its all I need. Please."

As gently as she knew how, Anna took her. Her lips caressed the hollow of Graham's neck and the rise of her breast, pausing to suckle a nipple, explore her navel. Her hands stroked firm muscles and trembling limbs, coming to rest gently in the moist warm sanctuary between her thighs. Tenderly she parted the full, silky folds, breathing her scent, stroking the length of her, tonguing softly the quivering clitoris. She was aware only of the heat of Grahams flesh beneath her lips, and the breathtaking wonder of her cries filling the air. After the long months of waiting, Anna didnt think she could ever touch her enough. She was amazed to feel her own body climb nearer and nearer toward orgasm with each thrust of Graham's hips against her face, each contraction of Graham's muscles around her fingers. Anna groaned as the spasms began at the base of her clitoris and traveled down her legs, into her belly , and finally coalesced into one continuous explosion behind her tightly closed eyes. When she came, Graham murmured her name, and Anna knew a joy beyond anything she had ever dreamed.