Sophie Kinsella: The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic

When I look back at the frivolous way I used to think well, it makes me want to laugh, really. The new Rebecca is so much more serious and level-headed. So much more responsible. It's as though the tinted glasses have fallen off and suddenly I can see what's really important in the world and what's not.

I've even been thinking this morning that I might go into politics or something. Luke and I discussed politics a bit last night, and I have to say, I came up with lots of interesting views. I could be a young, intellectual MP, and be interviewed about lots of important issues on television. I'd probably specialize in health, or education, or something like that. Maybe foreign affairs.

Casually I reach for the remote control and switch on the television, thinking I might watch the news. I flick a few times, trying to find BBC1, but the TV seems stuck on rubbish cable channels. Eventually I give up, leave it on one called QVT or something, and lean back down on my pillows.

The truth, I think, taking a sip of coffee, is that I'm quite a serious-minded person. That's probably why Luke and I get on so well.

Mmmm… Luke. Mmmm… that's a nice thought. I wonder where he is. I sit up in bed, and am just considering going into the bathroom to surprise him, when a woman's voice from the television attracts my attention.

'… offering genuine NK Malone sunglasses. In tortoiseshell, black and white, with that distinctive NKM logo in brushed chrome.'

That's interesting I think idly. NK Malone sunglasses. I've always quite wanted a pair of those.

That's interesting I think idly. NK Malone sunglasses. I've always quite wanted a pair of those.

'Buy all three pairs…' the woman pauses '… and pay, not ?400. Not ?300. But ?200! A saving of at least 40 per cent off the recommended retail price.'

I stare at the screen, riveted.

But this is incredible. Incredible. Do you know how much NK Malone sunglasses usually cost? At least a hundred and forty quid. Each! Which means you're saving…

'Send no money now,' the woman is saying. Simply call this number…'

My heart beating fast, I scrabble for the notebook on my bedside table and scribble down the number. This is an absolute dream come true. NK Malone sunglasses. I can't quite believe it. And three pairs! I'll never have to buy sunglasses again. People will call me the Girl in the NK Malone shades. (And those Armani ones I bought last year are all wrong now. Completely out of date.) Oh, this is such an investment.

With shaking hands I dial the number – and get through immediately! I would have thought everyone would be on the line, it's such a good deal. I give my name and address, thank the woman very much indeed, then put down the receiver, a joyful smile plastered across my face. This day is perfect.

Absolutely perfect. And it's only nine o’clock!

Happily I snuggle back down under the covers and close my eyes. Maybe Luke and I will spend all day here, in this lovely room. Maybe we'll have oysters and champagne sent up. (I hope not, actually, because I hate oysters.) Maybe we'll…

Nine o'clock, interrupts a little voice in my mind. I frown for a second, shake my head, then turn over to get rid of it. But it's still there, prodding annoyingly at my thoughts.

Nine o'clock. Nine…

And I sit bolt upright in bed, my heart thumping in dismay. Oh my God.

Nine-thirty.

Derek Smeath.

I promised to be there. I promised. And here I am, with half an hour to go, all the way over at the Ritz. Oh God. What am I going to do?

I switch off the TV, bury my head in my hands, and try to think calmly and rationally. OK, if I got going straight away, I might make it. If I got dressed as quickly as possible, and ran downstairs and jumped in a taxi – I might just make it. Fulham's not that far away.

And I could be a quarter of an hour late, couldn't I? We could still have the meeting. It could still happen. In theory, it could still happen.

'Hi,' says Luke, putting his head round the bathroom door. He's got a white towel wrapped round his body, and a few drops of water are glistening on his shoulders. I never even noticed his shoulders last night, I think, staring at them. God, they're bloody sexy. In fact, all in all, he's pretty damn…

'Rebecca? Is everything OK?'

'Oh,' I say, starting slightly. 'Yes, everything's great. Lovely! Oh, and guess what? I just bought the most wonderful…'

And then for some reason I stop myself, mid-stream.

I'm not exactly sure why.

'Just… having breakfast,' I say instead, and gesture to the room-service tray. 'Delicious.'

A faintly puzzled look passes over Luke's face, and he disappears back into the bathroom. OK, quick, I tell myself. What am I doing to do? Am I going to get dressed and go? Am I going to make the meeting?

But my hand's already reaching for my bag as though it's got a will of its own; I'm pulling out a business card and punching a number into the phone.

Because, I mean, we don't actually need to have a meeting, do we?

And I'd probably never make it in time, anyway.

And he probably won't even mind. He's probably got loads of other stuff he'd prefer to be doing instead. In fact, he probably won't even notice.

'Hello?' I say into the phone, and feel a tingle of pleasure as Luke comes up behind me and begins to nuzzle my ear. 'Hello, yes, I'd… I'd like to leave a message for Mr Smeath.'

BANK OF HELSINKI

HELSINKI HOUSE

124 LOMBARD ST

LONDON EC2D 9YF

Rebecca Bloomwood

c/o William Green Recruitment

39 Farringdon Square

London EC4 7TD

5 April 2000

Hyvi Rebecca Bloomwood

Saanen jilleen kerran onnitella teiti hienosta suorituksestanne – tilla kertaa,Morning Coffee» – ohjelmassa. Arvostelukykynne ja nakemyksenne tekivit minuun syvin vaikutuksen ja uskon, etti teisti olisi suurta hyatyi tiilli Helsingin Pankissa. Olette todenn/ik6isesti saanut lukemattomia ty6tar jouksia – teidin lahjoillanne voisi hyvin saada minki tahansa toimen «Financial Timesista.» Pyydin teiti kttitenkin vieli ken-an harkitsemaan vaatimatonta yhti6timme.

Parhaiten teille ehki sopisi viestintivirkailijan

paikka, joka meill[i on tilli hetkelli avoinna.

Toimen edellinen haltija erotettiin hiljattain hinen

luettuaan taissi «Playboyta.»

Parhaiten teille ehki sopisi viestintivirkailijan paikka, joka meill[i on tilli hetkelli avoinna. Toimen edellinen haltija erotettiin hiljattain hinen luettuaan taissi «Playboyta.»

Parhain terveisin

Ystivillisesti

Jan Vianen

The happy homeworking family

230a Burnside Road

Leeds L6 4ST

Ms Rebecca Bloomwood

Flat 2

4 Burney Rd

London SW6 8FD

7 April 2000

Dear Rebecca

I write to acknowledge receipt of 136 completed Fine Frames ('Sherborne' style – blue). Thank you very much for your fine work. A cheque for ?272 is enclosed, together with an application form for your next frame-making pack.

Our quality control manager, Mrs Sandra Rowbotham, has asked me to inform you that she was extremely impressed with the quality of your first batch. Novices rarely come up to the exacting standards of the Fine Frames Quality Promise – it is clear you have a natural gift for frame-making.

I would therefore like to invite you to come and demonstrate your technique at our next Framemakers' Convention, to be held in Wilmslow on June 21. This is an occasion when all the members of the Fine Frames home-working family gather under one roof, with a chance to exchange frame-making tips and anecdotes. It's a lot of-fun, believe me!

We very much look forward to hearing from you.

Happy frame-making!

Malcolm Headley

Managing Director

P.S. Are you the same Rebecca Bloomwood who gives advice on Morning Coffee?