Keith Ferrazzi - Never Eat Alone

I, on the other hand, think there's absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing this world more directly. Seeking the influence of powerful people in our lives is not crass or misguided; it can be enormously helpful. Again, no one does it alone, whatever our goal or mission. We need the help of lots of others.

Why is it that we're so taken with the lives of big achievers? If we measure our accomplishments against the accomplishments of others, it stands to reason that the more accomplished the people we associate with, the greater our aspirations become.

People who fit our conventional notions of fame and celebrity often have qualities or skills that we admire. Many of these people have achieved great things through risk, passion, focus, hard work, and positive attitudes. And so many of them have overcome so much.

Of course, celebrity can mean all sorts of things to all sorts of people. I define celebrity as public recognition by a large share of a certain group. In other words, fame is a matter of context. In college, public recognition is given to tenured professors or wellknown deans. In a small midwestern town, the celebrities may be a politician, successful entrepreneur, or outspoken longtime resident. These people have a disproportionate degree of influence over the group they inhabit. That's why it has become popular to use celebrities as spokespersons for major brands. They increase awareness, create positive feelings around a company, and play an important role in convincing consumers of a product's attractiveness. Local mini-celebrities within your own group can do the same for your brand.

That's what social scientists call "power by association": It's the power that arises from being identified with influential people. You can see this phenomenon at work everywhere. Power that arises from internal associations, for example, can include personal assistants and gatekeepers who may not be very high on the ladder in terms of company hierarchy, but who are powerful simply because of their proximity and access to the chief executive officer.

External associations, such as powerful politicians, influential news reporters, mass media personalities, and so on, also help to enhance one's profile inside and outside an organization. That's why a smart start-up company, for example, will seek to populate its board of directors with recognized business personalities who can impart credibility to a new business. Certainly, having the ear of influential celebrities or journalists can mean more favorable coverage of you and your company or an unprecedented amount of coverage for your charity.

Fame breeds fame. The fact is, all my prowess for reaching out to other people would be far less effective if a few of those people in my Rolodex weren't well-known names. The hard truth is that the ones who get ahead are usually those who know how to make highly placed people feel good about having them around. Plus, they add a little magic. Real or imagined, these people have that X factor that can magnify a moment and turn a prosaic dinner party into something magnificent.

Problem is, while we're excited by the idea of meeting "celebrities," they are often not all that anxious to meet us. So how can we get close to them?

There are no easy answers. But if you pursue these people in a sincere manner, with good intentions, you're not being manipulative. And if you are emboldened by a mission and you've put in the time and hard work to establish a web of people that count on you, then the time will come when your growing influence will put you in a place where you'll be face-to-face with someone who can convey a lot of sparkle to your next dinner party. You'll get close to power simply by virtue of reaching out and following the the advice I have offered in this book.

When this does inevitably occur for you, there are a few things to keep in mind that I've learned through the years.

While I'm aware of the impact a recognized persona can have on one's network, and I'm certainly not shy about putting myself in a place where meeting such people can occur, too much fuss and adoration will kill your efforts before they begin. Folks are folks.

This came into play years ago when I was at the Vanity Fair party at the old Russian Embassy following the White House Press Corps dinner. When I was standing in line for cocktails, the man beside me seemed awfully familiar. At first, I thought he was a politician. Then I placed his face as someone who was involved in politics, but behind the scenes in some manner, one of the President's key advisors.

I was right—sort of. The man was Richard Schiff, the actor who played the communications advisor to the fictional president played by Martin Sheen in The West Wing. Out of context, I'm terrible with recognizing TV stars.

Just as casually as if he were someone I didn't know at all, I introduced myself. He paused slightly, as celebrities are apt to do before engaging with someone they don't know, and politely said hello without introducing himself.

"And you are?" I asked. When he realized I didn't know who he was immediately, he opened up. We ultimately exchanged e-mails and stayed in touch.

I've found that trust is the essential element of mixing with powerful and famous people—trust that you'll be discreet; trust that you have no ulterior motives behind your approach; trust that you'll deal with them as people and not as stars; and basically trust that you feel like a peer who deserves to be engaged as such. The first few moments of an encounter is the litmus test for such a person to size up whether he or she can trust you in these ways or not.

The irony of celebrities is that they often have very fragile egos. In many cases, something in them drove them to want to be famous. Imagine being publicly scrutinized by thousands of peopie each day! However much the world opens up to celebrities, a part of it also closes. There is a loss of privacy. And because they live in a world of adulation, celebrities struggle every day balancing their private and public personas. They often fret over the fact that their public persona becomes indistinguishable from their private personality. They feel misunderstood and underappreciated for who they really are.

To assure them that you're interested in them for themselves, rather than what the public perceives them to be, stay away from their fame and focus, instead, on their interests. You can certainly let them know that you respect their work, but don't dwell. Take them away from what they are normally barraged with.

Unfortunately, sometimes we make inappropriate exceptions when talking to exceptional people. You simply have to watch and listen with your heart as well as with your eyes. Find out what their passions are.

Not long ago, I saw the then-Governor of Vermont, Howard Dean, give a speech. It was at Renaissance Weekend and people were joking about this unknown governor of this small state and his crazy aspirations to become President. The next time I saw him speak was at a nonprofit event for human rights in D.C. By now, he was indeed running for President, although no one took him seriously.

Intrigued by Dean and his message, I approached one of the people in his campaign staff (which, at the time, was one campaign aide and a state trooper). I told the aide that I was a politically active fellow Yale alum who was interested in meeting the presidential hopeful at some point. The aide and I had a good talk and I did talk briefly with Dean, as did many other folks at the event.

Two weeks later, there Dean was again at the Gill Foundation's annual meeting in California, preparing to deliver the same talk I had heard a couple weeks before. It would be the third time I saw him speak on essentially the same subject, and I had some thoughts on how he might deliver his speech more forcefully. I caught the attention of his aide and asked if I could get a second with the governor. We found him near the podium where he was preparing minutes before he was to go on stage. I told him that I had seen his talk on a number of occasions, I had spoken with his aide, and I had some ideas for how he could deliver his speech with more impact. I suggested that he emphasize a few points here, play down a few points there, and cut down the length. Yes, I was taking some risk, but what did I have to lose? And I was very sincere in my suggestions. I cared about his message on human rights and wanted him to get it across powerfully.