Timong Lightbringer - Notes of the Under-Enlightened [prose]

The engineer of spirit I am.

The bringer of the word I am.

The fellow traveller I am.

The maker of confusion I am.

The linker of poems I am.

The breaker of the walls of past I am.

The awaking of sleepers I am.

The dispeller of darkness I am.

The flaming blade I am.

The destroyer of illusions I am.

The teacher of happiness I am.

The killer of prejudice I am.

The seeder of hints I am.

The changer of lives I am.

The finger showing the moon I am.

One of the children of One God I am.

The one of many I am.

The one of you I am.

The herald I am.

I feel I don't belong there, yet this is my world for now.

I feel like I am a sinner and a saint - all in one.

I feel I used to fall, only to rise higher after.

I feel I don't need to repeat the mistakes of the forgotten past again.

I feel I have recently passed through some trial ... yet there are more awaiting me on the path.

I feel like I have already experienced all the common pleasures other ones dream of - and found them worthless.

I feel I have forgotten my true nature and lost my past in the labyrinths of lifes.

I feel like I was able to fly somehow, though I can't recall the time.

I feel my road is of rare origin, yet it won't be easy.

I feel many diamonds of the future path are still undiscovered.

I feel my wish for transformation have triggered some fate threads, and I must prove my worth for the Universe.

I feel the Universe is a constantly evolving, living being and we are all bound by some unseen force in it.

I feel I must dive deeper inside me for the past to unfold.

I feel I'm many-faced ... so many personalities swirling inside me, constantly fighting for my attention. I am all them - and yet someone different.

I feel I have awakened, yet partially. I won't exists as usual "me" when I will finally dare to open still closed eyes.

I feel I could never awaken even like this, had I to listen to other people's "common sense".

I feel I know the major marks of my path, yet the details are still undetermined.

I feel my goals are right, yet only for me. My own ego must be destroyed in my wake for new essence to be born.

I feel the happiness makes me lighter, yet still I cannot soar.

I feel I can't call any country as motherland and even Earth is not home.

I feel I don't need to belong to any organized group folks, yet I could ... just to have some fun examining them.

I feel I could speak more languages, yet now bound to the two, with one sounding so familiar ... Did I relearn one of those ?

I feel I could sometimes feel people's emotions flowing around me, unseen by others.

I feel humans do not yet know the inner power they hold, for this knowledge could be dangerous.

I feel the paths of all ones intertwine in a strange ways and there are no random events.

I feel we are all have creativity of some origin, yet many ones buried it to look sane.

I feel some interesting events marking the future of this world are yet to come.

I feel we all have to be better if we are to survive.

I feel I will always be somewhat "out of touch" there, yet I can accept the laws most ones live with ... just in case.

I feel somewhat like a child now, yet my mind is of elder.

I feel I will never stop seeking the wisdom, nor do I want to.

I feel I could walk the different direction, yet finally my destination would be the same.

I feel I am still human on the surface - and that is for the better.

I feel my path does never truly end, yet I am glad.

I feel I am being guided, yet cannot see the guide.

I feel I am not the only one who feels like this, yet those ones are few.

I feel I could say more ... yet this is sufficient.

I feel I must keep silence ... for now.

Hello.

Forgive me, for I have not spoken with you for such a long time. For long, inadmissibly long I have been occupied by things which seemed the only important ones to me, the only deserving attention. And in this race, in this never-ending inconceivable bustle I have almost forgotten about you, have almost left you alone. I have no time left even to speak.

I know, I always knew, how important it is for you – to feel, that you are not forgotten, that you are important to someone. That somewhere someone is awaiting you, awaiting your return. That he will happily embrace you when you will appear again on a threshold of his house.

And now you have returned.

You have travelled by novel and unknown ways for so long – and this world is so full of dangers. But no – you have passed all of them, travelled effortlessly – so easily, as if the knowledge of how to bypass them was always with you, since your very birth … as though they were not even obstacles, promising danger, - but some mysterious, wonderful game … and you sincerely enjoyed it.

Forgive me that you had to knock on my doors several times – that I did not hear you from the beginning. I have almost ceased to believe in your returning.

You know, I have been thinking about you since the very moment you left me. The anger, hatred, rage, melancholy, despair - all of them replaced each other as in a kaleidoscope. All of them dropped on me like an icy-cold stream, depriving of powers and heat.

Yes, there were also joyful moments – small sparkles, which have flown away from an unknown fire, and flashed before eyes for an instant, before being dissolved into non-existence again. I have even managed to be happy all years of your absence – but only now I have become truly happy, when you have returned at last. As if I have yet again found something, I have been searching for all my life … something of the utmost importance.

And if you have returned – you must have forgiven me.

Come closer, allow me to embrace you. You have changed … you are completely different now. We both are no longer the ones we used to be.

You have grown up … became stronger. Truly, this life has taught you much – though what can we teach the wizard, capable to change the world ?

Approach me, stand no at a house threshold, for this house is our common one. It will always be this way from now on. Now we will be together again, together again – like in the old times, incalculable years ago.

We will be together, for we are the one. I and You. You and I.

I – human … and You – the eternal child in my soul …

One day you will awake, and your former world will die for you forever. It will thaw in beams of the morning sun of new day, it will disappear like night autumn fog, it will evaporate as former tears on someone's face dry up. It will be no more – as if it has never been before.

At first you will not feel it, you will not realize, what has changed inside you…what was so yesterday – and today became differently. But the old habitual world of yours will be no more, ever.

Something will change inside you, something so imperceptible and hidden…sleeping … in you before. Something will turn in you at last, something so ancient as Universe itself. Something will finally manage to come to light – and you will not recognize this new world.

You will come to a window, open it and look out … you will see that rising sun which has decorated heavens … will realize how the fresh wind hammered into an open window sways your hair and tickles your face … will feel a moisture on your skin, brought by it from unknown lands … will hear, how amusingly beeping those cars of people, travelling to work, on the ground … will see, how these funny men run below, always trying to not be late somewhere … will notice, how some bird rushed through the skies just before your new window to this world … and will be so surprised, how did you not notice all of this earlier.