Timong Lightbringer - Hate, Disbelief, Hope [poetry]

I am the man of sorts, you know,

And I can feel yours feelings flow,

And haven't mastered mine for now...

My love to you I did bestow.

What was my reason for such move ?

To you my love I'll never prove,

For you I'm but another buff,

So I am saying now - enough !

What was I thinking all that time ?

You were your own, never mine,

Sometimes all kind, in times all rough ...

But it's still such worthless stuff.

I am alone, I always was,

I am still living in the doze

That someone will accept my love ...

I will awaken, it's enough !

I'm tired of that endless fight,

I am no moth that will not bite

And crawl through your endless bluff ...

No more lying - it's enough !

I was the one to help you flight

And threw your past out of sight,

And yet it came to such a blight ...

In that I'm guilty - and still right.

I can forgive, I will forget

Of our past that makes me sad,

Such pretty looking, useless stuff...

No more such memories, enough !

I have no willing to decide

Of who is guilty, who is right,

The separation is too tough,

No more talk for now ... enough.

I am walking through the rain

And my soul groans with pain,

Cursed be the love like blain -

It’s the soul’s bloody stain !

This is like the hellish rain -

One without goodness gain,

One with brutal, sudden end,

Greatest torture of the land.

I am screaming in the night,

I am begging for the light -

One to free me of the chain,

And extinguish fiery rain,

One to heal scorched heart,

One to be my soul guard,

One to help me understand

That nowhere in earth land

It is possible to find

Shining love, still being blind,

Golden heart, all being poor,

Paradise with lifetime guar.

I am passing in the night

And its darkness makes me blind,

And its chill touch makes me wonder

Will I need those lights with thunder,

Will I live that life with pain

As remainder of my gain,

As a token of my blight,

As a sign of former might?

There is no escape, no hiding

From that constant essence tidying,

From that endless stream of pain …

No escape from hellish rain.

Let it rain, I don't care !

Almost naked, soul-bare,

I will stand against pain,

I will bless my burning rain,

I shall find way through the night,

And will earn the other sight,

Truly love I shall once find,

On its wings I'll fly with wind.

I am walking through the rain,

I have thrown away the pain,

I am singing in the night …

Gleam in tunnel shines me bright.

I can't hold my tears,

My soul is on the spears,

I cannot stop my mind,

Tranquility can’t find.

I've lost my will in space,

I've sold my soul in time,

I've burned my wings in race …

Will peace be ever mine?

I cannot hold my anger

Even in times of danger,

Even in times of need

My spirit it still feed.

I cannot find the hope -

My fate is but to mope,

My fate is to obey,

I'm a useless prey.

I cannot see the light -

It is but darkest night,

I've lost my right and ways

To walk in sunny rays.

I've lost my faith in all …

Is that how we do fall?

Is that how we become

Ghosts in the days to come?

I may not see the light,

Yet I was always right -

Once anger makes you blind

Yours peace you'll never find.

Once soul becomes a mess

You will start to regress,

And one day you'll become

Shadow in days to come.

I cannot hold my tears

They came, my darkest fears -

I shall not stop the mind

Thus peace I'll never find...

It is but magic, foulest sort,

And for this world I have retort -

My run is not like endless sport,

In love and peace I want resort !

I've seen them all, I've met a lot,

But chosen one I've found not.

I've grown strong, earn more money...

I'm still alone ... is that but funny ?!

I want to love, enough of tortures,

Enough of endless, useless searches !

Enough of pain for the heart

And throw away that fucked regard !

Enough of quirks, my buggy mind,

The one I want I'll never find !

Her image died so long ago...

I cannot find her in the Row !

They are all busy, or have man,

This but repeats for now and then,

They disappeared all in mist

And left me with my tears to feast.

I've talked them all, I've seen a lot,

I've left my hopes for now to rot

And only pain I've got,

But chosen one I've found not...

The logic shatters, mind dissolves,

And hope flushes out through the holes,

The world you saw, the world you knew...

Forget them, you've been born anew.

Is that so difficult to feel

That you are nothing, but a meal,

That you are no one, but a slave ?

You will be damned, won't be saved.

He'll left those poor ones to die

And yet he'll save that richest guy,

He'll punish faithful, help the evil...

Just who's this one? No, not a devil.

He kills the justice, ruins faith,

He's one to call "Your Divine Grace"

As you do stand in final court,

And being judged for being coward,

And being mocked for being poor

And not to choose the pleasure tour,

And to believe in justice - thing,

Which even He once tried to fling...

He did forget of our world,

There is no wisdom to unfold,

There is no justice to behold

And only death for those too bold.

Stop crying now, there is no one

To help you, man, they all but gone,

They disappeared with the wind,

Theirs empathy you shall not find.

You see it now? You’re left alone,

Your so-called 'friends' were quickly gone,

And so-called 'love' abandoned you,

Devoted ones ... they are so few.

Strong-willed men ... do they exist?

There is but one, the very least.

You know this one - this one is you,

You wanted more? No, they are few.

You wanted friend? Accept your rival.

You wanted sun? Yours day is nival.

You wanted help? You'll get no one.

Accept, that, man - you'll find it fun.

You hoped for trust? You'll find suspicion.

Your eyes are clear? They'll dim your vision.

You struggled for freedom? You are bound

And understanding won't be found.

No one cares of the others

No one sees us, men, as brothers,

No one's willing to escape

Bonds of hatred, minds of slave.

You'll find it fun one lonely day

To see those heartless as live's prey,

Theirs shadows dim the light of sun

For their hearts are in the run.

No love - but a despair, you'll learn one day - that's fair,

It must be diamond-rare for no one truly care...

The thoughts are pooling through the mind,

But answers you will never find,

And He, who only judged and blamed

Will never make you feel ashamed.

The One, who cares not of us,

But who grabs souls in his pass,

The One who cursed you with a bane

To feel and act like an insane...

Oh, but he listens not to you,

The ones he listened to were few,

Or there were none at all

For they were burned in their fall.

Remember times, when you were young