Deborah Levy - Billy and Girl

Louise seems quite happy to play patient with him. Lifting the table with Dr Crazy, lugging it from one side of the room to another. ‘I did help her.’ Pointing to Girl, who’s blowing menthol smoke all over the marble cake. ‘The girl. Her. She’s the one who I gave the FreezerWorld overall to.’

‘Yes,’ Billy agrees with her. ‘I know you did, Louise.’ Dr Crazy thinks he is being reassuring. Showing her in every way be can that he is there for her. ‘Why did you help her?’

Louise scans the marble cake like she’s going to pick up her next answer from inside its centre of sugars and E-numbers. Not once looking at Girl.

‘She was Action Girl. I knew she would do sumthing. I just think things. I would leave the till and go with Danny. It was timing. Timink.’

Girl stubs out her cigarette. Jeezus. Whatever happened to Revelation? Whatever happened to the New and Thrilling? She knows all this stuff already. Better help Louise out.

‘We know all this, Billy. She’s CouchRetard. I’m ActionRetard.’

Her brother looks confused.

‘Yeah.’ Louise nods enthusiastically. Looks at Girl with admiration in her barmy eyes. ‘That’s it. What she said.’

Billy’s flesh-cage fingers are squishing and opening while the girls speak. He just watches when Louise starts to have a coughing fit. Doesn’t even bang her on the back or get her a glass of water.

‘Scuze me. Coughin. Coughink. Got to meet Danny in a minute.’

Billy nods. ‘Girl said she saw you in the car park with Danny.’

‘Yeah. He’s my boyfriend.’

Girl is merciless when it comes to Louise doing it in the car park. ‘Danny the dog prince. You can do better than that, Louise.’

Louise plays with a gold signet ring on her finger. Dog-prince jewellery. Hers. ‘Danny’s all right. Coughink again. Sorry. Coughin. Wait. Nearly done. Koughin coffi coughin. Yep. Stopped.’

Girl won’t tolerate dog-prince loyalty. ‘You need a better make than Danny, don’t you, Louise?’

‘Danny’s all right. Mum likes him.’

Dr Crazy’s turn now. Billy England on the case. ‘What’s all right about him?’

‘Does nice Dad things if I ask him to.’

Billy and Girl in brother-sister unison now. ‘Like what? What sort of things does Danny do?’

‘Takes me out for a drink. To the fair if I ask him. Pays for all the rides. Mum says he’s kind and he is.’

Girl is clutching her split ends now. Grabbing them in her hand, making a ponytail, about to take the knife to them. Look, it’s like this: CouchRetard has the same name as her . They’re both called Louise. If girls called Louise think Dog Prince is the best they can do, then Girl who is also Louise is destined to end up in the arms of dog princes in car parks everywhere. Mongrel princes with their lousy love trinkets and denim jackets.

Louise is annoyed now. There’s a reason why she came, isn’t there? She wants her cut. Reckons they made off with about six hundred quid. She wants two hundred of it. That’s as fair as she can get. Not half. A third. Her share. She wants it now .

Girl leaves the kitchen. Let fucking Billy England finish off the session then, he’s the one who’s supposed to have the certificates in the pain game. She rummages in a drawer in her bedroom. Finds the little pink hair slides she’s been saving for Louise. Not only that. Girl checks out her shoe cupboard. Got to give the FreezerWorld girl a better start than beige-sole sadness. Can she bear to part with the orange patent-leather ankle boots she’s only worn twice? No. Yes. Yes. She will, because this is an important day. Danny might go off Louise if Louise looks good . If Girl dresses her.

She’s got to groom Louise. Give her a better attitude, take her out for cocktails. Use up all the Grand-Dad cash if necessary, and it is necessary. She’s got to rescue her from the Frozen World. Get her smoking expensive tobacco. Make her into a star. Get the retard out of her bloodstream. Even Billy working on her mind can’t be a bad thing. Girl has got to create Louise so that she too can become Louise, her secret name. Girl wants to step into a Louise that she has made perfect.

By the time Girl walks back into the kitchen, she can hear her brother putting Louise right. He’s telling her the truth. How Dad read about the robbery to nowhere. Dad rang up. How they hadn’t seen him for five years. Dad ‘sold’ them a car. Dad took all the cash. Dad wouldn’t tell them where Mom is. There is no cash any more, Louise. Nothing. Just something that was once a car.

Louise looks sad. Really sad. ‘I wanted to buy something for Mum.’

That’s when Girl comes in. ‘I got something for you, Louise.’ She hands her the little packet.

‘What is it?’

‘Open and see.’

‘You open it.’ Louise gives the packet to Billy, who unwraps the tissue paper with maximum effect, opening his murky pain eyes wide, teasing Louise, hoping Girl hasn’t flipped and parcelled up a rabbit’s head or something. Just two pink plastic heart hair slides. A sort of Louise/Girl heart transplant. Louise cups them in her hand. ‘Oh.’

‘Shall I put them in for you?’

Louise is reluctant, seems a bit nervous for the first time. So Girl just takes charge. She will be Louise’s beauty therapist. Combs Louise’s silky blond hair loving the feel of it in her fingers. Carefully makes a perfect middle parting and clips a heart each side.

‘Gorgeous.’ Girl is genuinely pleased with herself. Billy is nodding too. Flattering Louise. Louise has got a bit of attitude in her hair: Girl Irony. The hair slides have taken away a bit of retard-rage giveaway in Louise. ‘I got some shoes for you too.’ Girl shows her the orange ankle boots. A real sacrifice. Saint Girl.

But this time Louise draws the line. ‘Naaa. I don’t. Naaaa. Danny wouldn’t like them.’

‘Just try them.’

Girl is on her knees tugging at Louise’s beige rubber soles. Louise has got to wear these boots. She has got to meet Danny the dog prince in them, cos Dog Prince won’t be able to fuck her any more. Cos some of the retard will have gone from Louise.

Girl knows the boots are much too big for Louise’s tiny feet but she doesn’t care. Louise stands up in them. Walks about the kitchen. She asks to have a proper look in a full-length mirror. They haven’t got a full length but they can show her what she looks like in the bathroom mirror. First the hair. Louise is really pleased with the hair slides. Smiles so the dimple shows itself. Pats her hair each side of the parting. Then Billy and Girl heave her up so she can see the boots. Standing either side of her, lifting her high so that her head is touching the bathroom ceiling and she can see her feet in the mirror. No. Naaaa. Look, she doesn’t like them. All right, she’ll wear them just this once. See what Danny says.

Louise is sweet. Billy and Girl like her. They’re going to teach her things. Louise is fucking dangerous. She turns on them in the hallway. ‘So you can’t give me my share of your cash then?’

When brother and sister agree this is the sad outcome of the robbery, Louise kicks the wall with her new orange boots. ‘You’d better give me your dad’s address then.’

Billy’s up to his neck in pain ash. Girl never wants to talk about Dad again.

‘Well, he’s got my share.’

Billy’s come back. ‘Yeah, you can have his address.’ He takes a purple felt-tip pen out of his pocket. ‘Got some paper?’

Louise just rolls up her sleeve. ‘Write it on my arm.’

Big letters. Complete fucked silence while he scrawls in unjoined writing, Dad’s ADDRESS, all over Louise’s see-thru skin.