Horacio Castellanos Moya - Tyrant Memory

“It’s fucked up to be incommunicado, have no way of finding out what’s going on. At Don Mincho’s house on the island we could listen to the radio. We’ve been rotting here in this swamp for ten days with no contact with the outside world except through Mono Harris. And now the sonofabitch has disappeared. I can’t take it anymore!”

“Well, you don’t have much choice. And stop crying, it doesn’t do any good!”

“I’m not crying!”

“Sounds like it to me.”

“Don’t go acting all brave, Jimmy. It doesn’t suit you.”

“We need mental discipline to survive. Spending your time complaining only makes us weaker.”

“We’re already weak. If you could see yourself in the mirror you’d feel real sorry for yourself. You look like a scarecrow. ”

“And you, with your hysteria. ”

“ Hysteria ? Only you could think up such a degrading word, Jimmy. Hysteria. A cigarette is what I need. I haven’t had a smoke in more than twelve hours. You think that’s nothing? Last night, before I fell asleep, I smoked my last one. Twelve hours without a cigarette!”

“Because you’re desperate, and anxious. I warned you to smoke less, I told you something unexpected could happen. Like now, again, I’m warning you not to drink so much water, because the water is for both of us, not just you. You could do what you wanted with your cigarettes, but you’re going to have to be more disciplined with the water, you have to respect that it’s both of ours.”

“What if Mono Harris doesn’t show up today or tomorrow morning? By noon we’ll be without a drop, we’ll be more desperate, more hungry and thirsty, we’ve only got two tins of sardines and those hard-boiled eggs. Why not leave right now?”

“Because Mono Harris will come, and then he won’t find us, and we’ll lose touch with him. How many times do I have to tell you. ”

“What if he never shows up? What’ll we do then?”

“I told you: we’ll try to get to San Nicolás. It won’t be that difficult. But we run the risk of coming across a National Guard patrol.”

“You sure you know how to get out of this labyrinth of swamps and canals? Mono Harris said this is one of the most remote canals, the most difficult to find among the mangroves, that’s why he brought us here. Which direction is San Nicolás, Jimmy? Tell me!”

“Over there, where we came from. ”

“You don’t know anything! You don’t have the least fucking idea! We came from the other direction. I remember perfectly.”

“I’m not going to argue with you, Clemen. Here, the one who has the training to survive and find his way is me. You’re just a poor slob. That’s why, when we start for San Nicolás, you’re going to follow my instructions. Is that clear?”

“If you suck my dick. ”

5:13 p.m.

“Whoever understands you can have you for free, Jimmy. According to you we were supposed to conserve our energy so we don’t die of hunger and thirst, so why in the world are you swimming?”

“I need to freshen up. I’m not swimming; I’m floating.”

“Same thing.”

“Not the same thing.”

“It’ll take a water snake or manta ray scaring you to set you straight. ”

“Don’t be such a chickenshit, Clemen. I have the feeling you don’t know how to swim, that’s why you’re so afraid of the water.”

“I’m not afraid of the water; I’m afraid of creatures.”

“I don’t believe you. Ever since we got on the canoe you’ve been shitting your pants. ”

“A while ago, while you were napping, you muttered the name Faustino Sosa several times. ”

“Really? The major?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I must’ve been dreaming about him. But I don’t remember. ”

“You’ve got a guilty conscience, don’t you, you asshole?”

“Take a dip, Clemen, instead of talking nonsense.”

“You sent him to his death and now you feel guilty.”

“I didn’t send him to his death. I already explained it to you several times.”

“So why were you dreaming about him?”

“Nobody knows why we dream what we dream. ”

“You don’t fool me.”

“I’ve got no desire to fool you or justify myself to you. The water is delicious. This is the best time of day to freshen up. But it’s time for me to get out now.”

“It’s going to get dark soon and Mono Harris hasn’t come. ”

“I know.”

“And we’re running out of drinking water. ”

“Move over, Clemen, I want to get back in the boat.”

“All we’ve got left is this one tin of sardines. Nothing for breakfast tomorrow.”

“What about the hard-boiled eggs?”

“There was one left. I ate it while you were taking a nap. My guts were churning.”

“You’re a disgrace! So I get one sardine more than you.”

“Don’t mess with me, Jimmy. We’ll go halves. ”

“One extra sardine for me to make up for the egg.”

“What we should do is get the hell out of this swamp and find a shack where we can get some food and water. ”

“We agreed to wait till tomorrow morning.”

“I won’t be able to sleep thinking about waking up without food or water.”

“Don’t be a fool. You’re better off sleeping. Your anxiety will only make you more thirsty and hungry.”

“Let’s get out of here now, Jimmy, before it gets dark! I’m really getting desperate. It’s useless to wait if Mono Harris isn’t coming. Tomorrow will only be worse: by then we’ll be dying of hunger and thirst!”

“If we leave now, it’ll get dark when we’re halfway there, we’ll have to light the lamp, and we’ll be an easy target for the soldiers. I’ve explained it all to you. We’ll leave at the first light of dawn.”

“The soldiers aren’t going to be riding around at night through these canals.”

“Oh, yeah? What about the boat that passed right by us the first night we were here?”

“Those weren’t soldiers. ”

“We’re not going to discuss this again, Clemen.”

“Let’s eat the sardines, then.”

“We’re going to wait a few hours.”

“Why? I’m hungry now. It’s already getting dark. It’s dinner time. I’m going to open the tin. ”

“No. We’ll open it in a few hours so we won’t be so hungry in the morning.”

“Give me that tin, Jimmy!”

“I said no. Don’t be an ass.”

“You’re the ass! Give me that tin! There are four sardines, two each.”

“I’m not giving you the tin and there aren’t two each. There are three for me and one for you. Stop fucking. ”

“God damn sonofabitch!”

“It won’t do you any good to insult me.”

“Okay, so I’ll take a sip of water. I’ve got this burning in the pit of my stomach. I need to drink something. ”

“You’re not going to finish the water, either. ”

“Fuck you, Jimmy! Give me that water!”

“Calm down! We have to ration the water even more, otherwise we’ll be so weak from thirst we won’t be able to do anything.”

“Give me the damn water, asshole!”

“Stop shouting like a madman! And calm down unless you want me to break your neck!”

“What, you think I’ve got my hands tied behind my back?! Give me the water and the sardines!”

“Calm down! You’re going to capsize the boat!”

“Give them to me, you motherfucker!”

“Let go! If you so much as touch me I’ll smash you one, Clemen!”

“Don’t you push me, you piece of shit!”

“Let go of me!”

“Give ’em to me!”

“Oh no, we’re capsizing!”

7:50 p.m.

“You see, there’s enough moonlight for us to navigate. We can still leave, Jimmy. ”

“I told you not to talk to me. I don’t want to know you’re here.”