Gilbert Sorrentino - Aberration of Starlight

How did Billy’s left eye become crossed?

He tripped on the stairway carpeting, fell, and struck his forehead, just above his left eye, on a small knickknack table on the landing. Two days later, while he ate breakfast, his mother looked in his face, made him stare at her, had him move his eyes to follow the movements of her index finger, after which he became frightened enough to cry when his mother gave a short shriek and clasped her hands at her bosom.

To what did Billy assign the cause of his eye becoming crossed?

His mother and father’s separation.

What did his mother persist in calling his crossed eye?

A “tired” eye.

What did he most hate about his crossed eye?

The fact that certain boys and girls his age called him, on occasion, “cockeyes.” The glasses that he began wearing at age six, when he entered the first grade; there, certain boys and girls called him, on occasion, “four-eyes.” The black celluloid patch that his mother made him wear over the lens covering his “good” eye upon returning each afternoon from school. The monthly visits to the clinic at Brooklyn Eye and Ear. The eye drops administered by the doctor, which drops half-blinded him for the remainder of the day.

What was most puzzling to Billy in terms of his grandmother’s attitude toward his mother after he and she had moved from Flatbush to Jersey City?

She seemed angry with his mother, not his father.

How did Billy think of Tom Thebus?

As a hero; as a movie star; as a possible new father; as someone who would maybe go and beat his father up; as a man his mother liked a lot; as someone who made him laugh without even trying to.

Recount Billy’s sweetest and most mysterious memory.

One morning he awoke and realized from the way the sun looked on his window shade that it was Sunday. He heard his mother and father laughing quietly and got out of bed, walked down the hall to their bedroom, and opened the door. His mother was sitting up in bed, propped against two pillows. His father was sitting on the edge of the bed in his undershirt and shorts, his face turned toward his mother. He was bouncing up and down on the bed and Billy noticed that the bed seemed lopsided and close to the floor at its foot. His mother and father turned toward him as he entered and his mother said, “Your father broke the bed.” At this she began to laugh, putting her hand over her mouth. His father, wagging his finger at her, got up, grabbed Billy in his arms and sat down again with him on his lap. “Don’t believe Mama,” he said. “She’s the one who broke the bed!” Then he began to laugh. Then he shouted, in mock anger that made Billy giggle, “Pancakes! Bacon! Gallons of coffee! Eggs! Rolls!” His mother reached over and put her hand on his father’s shoulder with a tenderness that gave Billy a chill of intense delight. There was, he considered, nothing more wonderful and funny than breaking a bed if you were a mother and father.

Dear Daddy,

How are you? We are having a nice time. I feel fine. There is a man here called Tom Theboss that made me a sling shot and takes us swimming also, he is a lot of fun and tells a lot of jokes. And he acts more like my father than you ever do. Well how are you? I don’t know why, I ask, because I don’t really care because I hate you. Mom told me how you walked out on us and didn’t give us any mony. She says I am old enough to know the truth, now we live with Gramp who is old and mean sometimes, well you know him. Granma died last winter and I was sad for about a minute and then I was happy about it. She used to hit me on the legs and back with a belt and yell at Mom all the time about mony and things like food. Also she used to give me three rotten Woolworth cookies for desert every night. All this crapp because, you left us. It is your fault. I hope Tom Theboss will marry Mom, and I Really hope so. Because I am sick of thinking about you and wishing that you would come and say Hello. You came and see me about twice in many years and I allways hoped that you would say Hello on my Birthday or Christmas but, you never did. What a pain you are, what a Louse. Tom can do anything. And reads books all the time, I even think Gramp likes him, anyway, they play crokay together allthough Gramp allways beats him like he can beat anybody. But, Tom plays crokay pretty good, Mom said you use to play crokay but you stunk. I hope that it is real hot in the City and you are really sweating a lot and can’t sleep. By the way it is Nice and Cool up here. It would serve you right anyway. Mom allways says that every dog will have his day. I guess that means we are the dog that will have their day but, as far as I am concerned you, are the Real Dog. And guess what kind of a Dog I mean. Mom told me the story that you and Margie got married in some phoney way and I just wanted to ask you if Margie still had green teeth, Mom said, it was the only real Irish thing about her and, she said that she was a snake in the grass and she really is a snake. She even looks like a snake. Mom also said that you and her deserve each other. When Tom is my real Father soon I will ask him to go and punch you and Margie in your face.

Yours very truly, your Son,

Billy

How great everything is panning out! Mom really admires Tom and loves him a lot too and Tom thinks Mom is as swell as they come and a great sport and he loves her too!

Even better than this is that Gramp likes Tom a lot and thinks it is a capital idea that Tom wants to marry Mom and she wants to marry him. He thinks that Tom is a real gentleman and a go-getter and says he is the only man who can give him a decent game of croquet.

Tom in fact loves Mom so much that he asked her to marry him so that he can be her husband just like Daddy was and also be Billy’s father.

Gramp thinks it is about time that he popped the question and that it is jake with him and thinks that they should not even wait to get back to the city but they should tie the knot right here this summer and get married in the Warren House in Hackettstown!

Suddenly one fine morning Daddy comes up to the Stellkamps’ farm and says that a little bird told him that Mom was getting married to Tom and that he has looked into Tom and found out that he is a prince of a man and that as far as he is concerned he thinks it is one of the best ideas he has heard in a long time. He wonders if he would be a fifth wheel if he came to the wedding at the Warren House because he certainly doesn’t want to butt in where he isn’t wanted.

Of course you can come to the wedding Mom says and so does Gramp and Tom too says sure it is fine with me, hunky-dory, and that Mom has told him an awful lot of good things about Daddy and Gramp says that he shouldn’t make himself a stranger and what in hell has been the matter with him that nobody sees hide nor hair of him anymore? Is he getting too good for everybody now that he is a big mucky-muck?

Daddy says that there is no substitute for old friends and that blood is thicker than water and that he will be glad to come to the wedding and he will stand in the back so that he won’t be in anybody’s way. And Gramp and Tom say what do you think you’re doing? Stand in the back my foot! You will be the guest of honor and Mom says oh yes Tony and that she bears no grudge or hard feelings, it is all water under the bridge.

Daddy is so happy that he starts to laugh and says well this is more than I bargained for because I did not know exactly what kind of a reception to expect but this is really tops in my book, it is aces. What Daddy really came up to the country for he says is to ask Mom’s permission to take Billy on a little trip to the Pyramids of the Nile and Borneo. That is such a cunning idea Mom says and gives her permission in a sec. There is nothing like foreign lands for an education she says, as long as you come back finally to the good old USA.