Tao Lin - Shoplifting From American Apparel

“Wow,” said Robert.

“But there was nothing I could do with the emotion really,” said Sam. “It just went away after a while.”

About two months later it was November and Sam was at Joseph’s house in Florida. Joseph had invited Sam to read at a “vegan brunch buffet” in a record store during a music festival. Joseph lived in a three-bedroom house with Chris where one bedroom was for Chris’ record label. In the backyard were six tents and a school bus with a bunk bed and a sofa and no seats. Joseph gave Sam a pillow and a sleeping bag and said he could sleep on the bus the next two nights. They walked to a pizza place that also sold other things and bought iced coffee and pastries and sat outside on a street corner. It was around 2 p.m. “The weather is so nice here,” said Sam. “Is that a Holiday Inn?”

“Yeah,” said Joseph grinning. “I think it is.”

Someone across the street was holding a sign promoting John McCain for president. “I like the people who hold the 9/11 conspiracy signs,” said Joseph. “I think it’s really funny.”

“I would do that,” said Sam.

“They just stand there the entire day holding a sign,” said Joseph.

“We should get like twenty people to do it with us,” said Sam.

They walked toward the University of Florida to see Chris’ band Ghost Mice. Joseph said he stopped going to school when he was sixteen and saved money and left Kentucky on his bike without telling anyone and climbed onto a train, because he had heard of people doing that, and the train went somewhere but then came back and didn’t move anymore and he bought a Greyhound ticket and went to San Francisco and then Arizona. After two months he called his father and said he was sorry and his father bought him a plane ticket and he went home and watched TV a lot and started to believe what he saw on TV was real. Sam asked Joseph if he became insane. “Yeah, I think so,” said Joseph. “But I was the only one who knew, because I was alone all the time.” Joseph said he then moved to Michigan and lived alone and became friends with Kaitlyn and then moved to Florida. Something flew toward Sam’s face and Sam moved very fast.

“What was that,” said Joseph laughing.

“An out-of-control butterfly,” said Sam.

Joseph and Sam watched Ghost Mice and another band and then went back to Joseph’s house and sat in Chris’ room and listened to Joseph’s band’s new CD. Three people came into the room with five beers and sat on the floor. “I found myself lying on my back, looking up at nothing, in a hot dark room,” sang Joseph on the CD. “In the middle of the day, today, I felt utterly confused.” Joseph said he liked when the bass sounded like a whale. The CD ended and everyone went outside the house to go see a Japanese band at a bar. Someone said the bar wouldn’t let them bring in beer.

“We can put them in our pockets,” said Sam with his beer in his pocket.

“There’s nowhere to put it on me,” said a person in tight clothes and grinned.

They stood on the street drinking beer in the dark while looking at each other. Sam looked at the sky to see if there were a lot of stars. There seemed to be a normal amount of stars.

Around 11 p.m. Joseph and Sam left the bar and walked about thirty minutes to see Star Fucking Hipsters. At the venue Sam felt someone looking at him. Sam and the person stared at each other. Sam thought it might be a person named Audrey who he had talked to on the internet. Sam walked past the person and stood with Joseph facing the stage. “This is our attempt at a nonpolitical song, it’s about how Jesus is a zombie,” said the singer of Star Fucking Hipsters. “I mean, he is a zombie, he came from the dead. This song is saying it, that Jesus is actually a zombie. It’s called ‘Zombie Christ.’ ”

After the show the person and Sam stared at each other.

“Hi,” said Sam.

“Hi,” said the person.

“What’s your name?” said Sam.

“Audrey, what’s yours?”

Sam said his name and shook hands with Audrey and Audrey’s friend Thomas. Joseph shook hands with Audrey. Sam looked at Joseph and heard Audrey say something to someone. Sam saw Audrey leaving. Sam and Joseph walked through the crowd toward the exit. They walked on the sidewalk toward Joseph’s house. “I thought those people would hang out with us,” said Sam. “We talked on the internet before and said we would hang out or something.”

Around 2 a.m. Joseph ate toast with peanut butter while talking to Paul in the living room. Sam sat without talking. He had taken his contact lenses out and could not see people’s facial expressions. More people came in the house. Joseph said he was going to sleep. Sam went in the kitchen and ate toast with olive oil. There was a bunk bed in the kitchen. People were laughing in the living room. Sam stared at things in the sink. He carried a piece of toast outside to the backyard. He went onto the bus and lay on the sofa in the dark.

He ate the toast and thought about being around people tomorrow. He thought about not talking while being around people. He thought about leaving without telling anyone. He thought about Joseph leaving on his bike without telling anyone. He zipped the sleeping bag shut around his body. People came on the bus using their cell phones for light. “Just so you know, I think there are roaches in here,” said a girl.

“Oh, I’m not afraid of roaches,” said a boy.

“Another person may be coming later,” said the girl.

Sam text messaged Kaitlyn: “In Florida. I like Joseph.”

The next morning outside the record store Sam saw Jeffrey and Sharon and Sharon’s friends and introduced them to each other. Jeffrey said he drove 3 hours from Sarasota. He talked about his plan to roller-skate down four stories of the spiral-shaped structure inside the Guggenheim Museum to “break in” to the art world.

“That’s really funny,” said Sam. “Gawker would link probably.”

“I ate a Sausage Egg McMuffin from McDonald’s today,” said Jeffrey.

There was a line of maybe thirty people for the “vegan brunch buffet.”

Inside Sam stood with Jeffrey eating waffles, gravy, biscuits, tofu scramble, a cookie, a muffin, and other things. Sam said he wanted to get his stomach pumped after eating. Jeffrey said when he worked as a dishwasher in Alaska he was very bored and spent one shift imagining what it would be like if everything was made out of wood. Sam saw Audrey standing alone in line wearing all pink. Sam walked past Audrey to the bathroom. Sam walked out of the bathroom past Audrey without looking at her and talked to Jeffrey. Sharon drove Sam to a health-food store and Sam bought a “Synergy” brand kombucha. They drove back to the record store and Sam stood in front of people and said he was going to read from the beginning of his next book and then read about two people alone in rooms in Ohio and Pennsylvania talking to each other on Gmail chat. Sam finished and sat by Jeffrey and said he felt like a little bitch.

“I don’t feel that you’re a little bitch,” said Jeffrey.

“I mean, I feel okay, or something,” said Sam.

“Oh, this is my friend Gina,” said Jeffrey.

Sam smiled at Gina and said “hi.”

“Inspirational,” said Audrey in a loud monotone looking down at Sam.

“Good,” said Sam. “You came. I’m glad you came.”

A man in an orange shirt said Sam was “the shit.”

Someone asked Sam to sign a book. Sam drew a toy poodle and wrote “666” on its forehead. Sam didn’t see Audrey then saw her standing to the left. Sharon asked Sam if he still wanted to eat dinner with her and other University of Florida MFA students. Sam said he did and that one of them would call the other one. Sam stood and said “Do you want to go to American Apparel?” to Audrey with three or four people looking at him.