Tao Lin - Shoplifting From American Apparel

“I feel good,” he said with some confidence.

Brandon came back and said the name of the string theory he believed was correct. The name was a combination of letters and numbers. Brandon walked away. Sam and Hester went downstairs into a room and sat on a padded seat. People came out of a door and smiled at Sam and Hester. Sam smiled at them and waved and they went upstairs.

“Are you bored,” said Hester.

“No, I feel calm,” said Sam. “I like Brandon.”

They went upstairs and stood in a crowded hallway. Sam stared at people’s faces with a neutral facial expression. Someone was taking pictures of everyone with a professional-looking camera. Brandon said something and walked away. “Go,” said Hester. “He wants to introduce you to Moby.”

“Go with Brandon,” said Hester.

“Who,” said Sam. “Oh, he was talking to me?”

“Yes,” said Hester.

Sam went downstairs and stood by Brandon.

Moby was standing with some people.

“He’s talking to girls right now,” said Brandon.

“I don’t have to meet him,” said Sam.

“He’s weird sometimes,” said Brandon with a serious facial expression. Brandon and Sam sat on a padded seat. Moby walked by and Brandon stood and said Sam’s name.

“Hi, we met before,” said Sam from where he sat.

Moby looked at Sam and quietly said “hi” and walked away.

“He’s weird,” said Brandon in a voice like he was going to cry.

“It’s okay,” said Sam. “Hester said you play violin.”

Brandon nodded a little. “I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I’ll introduce you at a different time, maybe. It’ll be better later. He’s nervous now.”

“It’s okay,” said Sam. “Hester said you like computers. I play piano.”

“Oh, really,” said Brandon with a confused facial expression.

“Yeah. I like Chopin. I feel like Chopin is ‘emo.’ Do you like Chopin?”

“Schumann … is my favorite,” said Brandon.

“When you DJ,” said Sam. “Do you use, like, polyrhythms.”

“Um, sometimes,” said Brandon in a quiet voice.

Sam said he was going to find Hester and walked away.

About a month later Sam was walking toward the library around 4 p.m. after taking the L train to Manhattan and buying food. He text messaged Robert: “Not going to Mara’s party. Holding iced coffee, feel potentially very productive. Staying in library tonight.” He walked into New York University’s computer store. He picked up Sony “in-ear” earphones and walked around and removed the security tag. He put the earphones in his pocket. He walked toward the exit. “What do you have in your pocket?” said a short Hispanic woman with short hair. Sam stared at the woman and remembered seeing her standing in a corner sort of looking at him about forty seconds ago.

Sam took out his cell phone. “My cell phone.”

“You have something else,” said the woman.

“I have this,” said Sam holding the earphones.

“Where did you get those?” said the woman.

“They’re mine, I brought them in.”

“You didn’t bring those in. I saw you take them.”

“No, they’re mine,” said Sam.

“Let me see them,” said the woman.

“You caught me,” said Sam grinning. “They’re from this store.”

“Okay, just stand here,” said the woman. “Don’t move.”

Sam thought about running away. His iced coffee would spill a lot. The woman was saying things into a walkie-talkie. A middle-aged man came and walked Sam next door into New York University’s security center.

“Are you a student?” said the middle-aged man.

“Yes, no,” said Sam. “I’m an alumni.”

“He had twenty-eight dollars in his pocket,” said the middle-aged man to another middle-aged man. “How much were the earphones?” he said to Sam.

“I don’t know,” said Sam. “I think forty.”

“This is your first time being arrested?”

“Yes,” said Sam in an uncertain voice.

The middle-aged man put Sam’s full iced coffee in a trashcan. The middle-aged man put Sam in handcuffs. Two policemen came about twenty minutes later and asked Sam if he had been arrested before. “Yes,” said Sam slowly. “I mean, I don’t know if I have a record. I had a D.A.T. and I think it was erased from my record after six months, I don’t know if it’s been six months.”

“You told me you didn’t have a prior arrest,” said the middle-aged man.

“Sorry,” said Sam. “I mean, I didn’t know.”

“What were you arrested for the first time?” said the middle-aged man.

“Shoplifting,” said Sam.

“From the same store?” said the middle-aged man.

“No,” said Sam. “From American Apparel.”

“Are you going to shoplift again?” said the middle-aged man. “The answer is no.”

“No,” said Sam. “I shouldn’t have today. I’m just stupid.”

At the police station Sam called Robert. “Hi,” he said to Robert’s voicemail. “I’m at the police station on Fifth Street, can you come get my bag? If you don’t come that’s okay. If you come you can eat the grapes in the bag. They’re organic.” Sam did sit-ups on the concrete bench in the cell. The bench was very smooth. Sam did push-ups with his hands on the bench and his feet on the floor. He thought that he would have a headache soon from no caffeine. He looked at a teenage girl in handcuffs on a bench outside the cell. “What are you here for?” said the girl.

“Stealing earphones,” said Sam.

“Why did you steal earphones?”

“Mine broke,” said Sam.

“Earphones are 4.99,” said the girl.

“No, but I wanted forty-dollar ones,” said Sam.

The girl said she stole from Urban Outfitters. “I was outside, and the guy told us to stop, and I thought about running. I thought there was a sixty percent chance I would get away if I ran and I decided not to run. I wasn’t even the one that stole the most. My friend was holding the bag with everything in it, she ran and got away.”

“She got away,” said Sam. “That’s funny.”

“Yeah, she just started running. She ran into the subway.”

A policeman asked if Sam wanted anything from the vending machine. Sam asked if he could have food from his bag. The food was organic raw vegan “Raweos.” The policeman asked what the food was.

“Like, cookie things,” said Sam. “Cookies.”

“No, I think we better not do that,” said the policeman.

Four people Sam’s age were put in the cell. They sat without talking. The teenage girl began asking them questions. They were college students from Boston who had been caught smoking marijuana on their hotel balcony.

“Are you seeing Michelle after this?” said the policeman in the driver’s seat on the way to Central Booking. “I think I’m meeting her and her friends at that bar we were at last night,” said the other policeman. “Are you going right after this?” said the policeman in the driver’s seat. “Yeah, probably I’ll just head over straight after this,” said the other policeman. “Change at the station. Try to get this wrapped up in an hour. I like Michelle.” In Chinatown the police got out of the car. The teenage girl and Sam were in the backseat in handcuffs. The teenage girl said something about “the hot officer.”

“Which one,” said Sam.

The teenage girl said the one that was driving.

“Would you go out with him,” said Sam.

“Hell no,” said the teenage girl.

“Why not,” said Sam.

“I don’t know,” said the teenage girl.

They got out of the car and went in a building. Sam remembered having walked past the building maybe two hundred times when he lived nearby a few years ago. Sam stood in line and went downstairs. Someone took Sam’s photo with very bright flash. Sam went further downstairs. Sam was given a peanut butter sandwich and put into a cell with a toilet, a payphone, and about ten people.