Fuminori Nakamura - The Gun

“No, it’s just a general idea. All we need is conjecture. The evidence comes later. Anyway, we already have proof.”

“What?”

“We have proof.”

“So, please tell me what that might be.”

“Your own attitude. That’s right. You have the gun. I’m convinced of it.”

He laughed to himself in amusement.

“At first, I had imagined the person might be one of those shut-in types, like a hikikomori . Usually it’s those recluses who are really into guns, or so I thought. But you’re different. You care about what you wear. According to the clerk at the convenience store, you’re extremely polite, and you have lady friends — more than just one, even. And then — as I can tell from this very conversation — you assert yourself clearly. The way you tried to psych me out is impressive, but honestly, I think it just gives you away even more. Like someone who’d do something as stupid as killing a cat in a park. To tell you the truth — this will probably make you angry when I tell you — when I first went to your place, it was only to confirm what I already knew. I told you I had been convinced for a long time, but the fact is, I didn’t want to regret it later — my way of doing things is to take care of every last detail that bothers me. Of course, I had thought that someone had the gun, but I wasn’t sure that my deductions about you were entirely correct. As you so kindly pointed out, there were several flaws in my argument.”

“Can I go yet?

“No, wait a minute. But you know, you were extremely eager to hear about this case. You acted as if you weren’t interested, when all the while you really wanted to hear what I had to say. And when I told you I was a detective, that caught you off guard, didn’t it? You were totally flustered. I mean, sure, anyone would be upset to have the police at your door. But you were trying to hide your reaction. If you’ve done nothing wrong, there’s no need to hide your shock, is there? My first impression of you didn’t fit with what I expected, but since I’ve been talking to you like this, now I can believe that you would do something as daring as shoot a cat in a park. Call it a hunch, or maybe it’s just experience — whatever. But I’ve really hit the nail on the head with this one. You’re a strange one, all over the place. You must have shot that cat in the heat of the moment, huh? Even now, everything you say is so theoretical. But that stance, too — something about it seems superficial, just a bluff.”

Again, he laughed to himself as he said this, which only served to irritate me.

“But, you have no proof, do you? You can’t call any of that evidence.”

“That’s true, I must admit. I don’t have a single piece of evidence. Or should I say, evidence is difficult to come by, under these conditions. All you’ve been talking about for a while now is proof. It’s the guilty ones who are so interested in hearing about proof.”

The waitress approached and cleared away my coffee cup. She saw the ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts, and went to replace it with a fresh one. Almost all of the cigarette butts in the ashtray were mine. Without asking my opinion, the detective ordered two more coffees.

“The Arakawa investigation will probably be suspended. First of all, because it’s a suicide. And the people who are in custody, they will either be released for lack of evidence, or just rearrested for some other crime. If we’re lucky, we might even find out about another drug route. But now the problem is the gun you have. My theory is somewhat extreme, as you pointed out, so my boss won’t pay it too much mind. And the gunshot report, also like you say, they’ll probably assume it was a mistake. It was the only report that came in, and anyway, the casualty is gone. There’s no way to search for a bullet. You know, bullets actually travel pretty far. Even if it went through the cat’s body, it could still have gone pretty far. To search for it, we’d need to stop traffic in the area and send out a bunch of officers. All of that takes a long time too. For something very small. Or a stray dog could have swallowed it, a kid could have picked it up and taken it somewhere — that would be the end of it. But I already have my sights on you. Unfortunately for you, I’m watching. It’s unlikely that we’ll find any evidence, so there won’t be a large-scale investigation, but I can’t just let it go. This is off the subject, but being a detective is a very demanding job. My life is busier than you can imagine. That’s why, really, the easiest thing for me would be to wait for you to give yourself away, but it’s too late for that. If there are bullets left — maybe one or two, at this point? — what comes next after shooting a cat is shooting a person. You will give yourself away when you shoot a person. And when that happens it will be too late. I have to do something before then. Am I right? It stands to reason that you are thinking about shooting a person next.”

“I beg your pardon?” My voice shook a little.

“That’s why you’re thinking about shooting a person next, aren’t you?”

He was looking at me when he said this, his expression the most serious it had been yet. I felt as if he had seen right through me, and I sensed my heart starting to race again.

“That’s why I say this, for your sake — right now, please hand over the gun. If you don’t want to do that, then get rid of it somewhere. If you shoot someone, we will definitely catch you. Here I am, right now — I will absolutely connect you to the murder, because the bullet will match the one from Arakawa. But, at any rate, you’re not going to hand it over — no one wants to be arrested. That’s why you should get rid of the gun as soon as possible. Someplace where nobody will find it. Like a garbage dumping area in a park. Take it apart, and throw it away with a bunch of other bits of junk. Do that, and that will be the end of it. You’re still young. I have no intention of giving you advice, but there’s no need to ruin everything just for a little fun, is there? Shoot someone and we’ll get you. Please, keep that in mind. And, one more thing — I don’t mean to lecture you about morality — but when you kill someone, they say that you lose your sense of reason. Of course, it depends on how you do it, but they say they have nightmares every night. You’re still young. There’s no need to do something terrible that will affect the rest of your life, just for the sake of it, is there. .? That’s all I want to say, for now at least. Well, I’ll be back.”

I left the coffee shop, declining the detective’s offer to walk with me, and went home alone. Even after I left the detective, my heartbeat raced with no sign of abating. I could barely think straight — all I knew was that I couldn’t settle back down again. I returned to my apartment and lit a cigarette to try to relax. But maybe because I had already smoked too much, it just made me nauseous, and I actually vomited a little in the toilet.

13

I spent the next several days mostly thinking about whether I really would get caught the next time I fired the gun. I hardly left the apartment, and stopped answering the phone. I didn’t really sleep much either; I barely did anything other than polish the gun. I did so, quietly, the gun and me in my apartment.

I came to the conclusion that I would never be caught. Connecting me to the gun from the Arakawa case was a matter of speculation, and as long as that connection remained as vague as it was, I didn’t think they would tie me to the another incident. For example, if someone died, even if they discovered a bullet in the body that was similar to the one found at Arakawa, they might be able to connect those two incidents, but they couldn’t tie them to me. I figured I could get by, even if I were under suspicion, assuming no one could place me at the scene of the crime and, just to be on the safe side, afterward I stashed the gun someplace temporarily. I had the feeling there might be flaws in this thought process, but I decided to stick with it anyway. This made me feel liberated, which made me feel better. But at the same time, this also led to a chronic nervousness.