Regan Wolfrom - Catholic Guilt and the Joy of Hating Men

“He seems nice.”

“Are you going to hurt us?” Tiara asked.

“I wish,” I said. “But seriously… we need to get out of here.”

“We aren’t safe,” Cadance said.

“We can take my old banger,” Tiara said. “It’s back at the livery stable. If we can get there—”

“You mean your car?”

“Yes.”

I sighed. “I’m kinda hoping that Pouchon will find a way to bite off your tongue.”

“Hate me later,” she said. “Right now we should all be focused on staying alive.”

We started walking back towards the stable, both Tiara and Cadance glancing from one side of the road to the next, like they expected Pouchon to come crashing out from the trees for a midnight snack.

There was another gunshot.

“He told me he wasn’t a murderer,” I said. “Of course, Pouchon said that, too.”

“They’re all murderers,” Cadance said. “That’s why we chose them.”

“Because you’re all idiots?”

“Because it’s justice,” Tiara said. “They take a life, and we take theirs.”

“And where’s my justice?” I asked.

“Anyone who performs the cinnamon challenge should be considered a write-off.”

“I’m glad you’re going to prison.”

“Nothing’s set in stone.”

“Quiet,” Cadance said.

We all stopped walking and listened.

There was a car coming up behind us. The silver sedan.

“We should cut through the woods,” I said. “Get off the road.”

“Go ahead,” Cadance said. “We’ll wait here for Arty.”

“Am I missing something? You want him to shove you back in the trunk?”

“Better than getting eaten alive.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Fuck me,” I said. “What’s out there in those woods?”

“Zombies,” Tiara said.

“Wait… so Arty let them out? Those guys are wandering around out there?”

“Wrong zombies.”

“What are you talking about?”

The sedan drove up beside us.

“Get in,” Arty said, the shotgun propped up beside him.

“No trunk?” I asked.

“Trunk’s full. I killed them… I didn’t know what else to do with the bodies…”

The three of us climbed into the back seat.

Arty started turning the car around.

“We need to go back to the stables,” I said.

“We’re going to Derby Line,” Arty said. “Easiest way into Canada. Once we’re across you girls can do what you want.”

“What about the bodies?”

“We’ll dump them somewhere on the way… I don’t know… I’ll figure it out.”

“Did you get the money?” I asked.

“Shut up,” Cadance said.

“What money?” Arty asked.

“I can get it for you,” I told him. “Millions of dollars, I heard. Take us to the stables and we can split it.”

“Is this some kind of trick? Am I going to find Fallon Allen and several of his friends waiting for us?”

“No deception. Fallon will want me just as dead as he’ll want you.”

“Okay,” he said. “But I get half just for me. You girls can split the other half.”

“Oh…”

“You weren’t going to split it,” Cadance said.

“We’re stealing it from you,” I said. “Why would you get a cut?”

“There won’t be any splitting,” Tiara said. “He’ll just do us in once he’s got his hands on the quid.”

“She’s still doing that stupid British thing?” Arty asked.

“Won’t take the hint,” I said.

Arty took us back towards the stables. The gate was still open, but Gary had disappeared from the driveway.

“Did you kill him or what?” I asked.

“I’m not a murderer.”

“Yeah, well you probably should have started with him.”

Arty parked in the lot and the four of us climbed out.

“So where’s the cash?” Arty asked.

“We’ll need shovels,” I said. “Right, girls?”

Cadance nodded. “I’m not doing any of the digging.”

“You are so digging,” I told her. “Oh, but while we’re here you should pick up your purse.”

She stared at me. She didn’t know what I was up to.

“She doesn’t need her purse,” Arty said.

“Are you telling me she wasn’t bitching to you about her goddamn pills? She wouldn’t stop.”

“You do need those pills,” Tiara said. “Explosive diarrhea is no laughing matter.”

“That is decidedly nasty,” Arty said.

Cadance still looked confused. “I think it’s in Stable B,” she said.

“There should be shovels in the tack room there,” Tiara said. “All in one stop.”

“We need to hurry,” Arty said.

We moved up the pace on our way to Stable B. I made sure I was front of the pack as we reached the tack room door. I went in and started grabbing the shovels, scanning the room for a yellow wand.

I saw a pink My Little Pony backpack. It was nowhere near being a purse, but it had a cattle prod leaned up against it.

I reached down and grabbed the prod. “I think I found your purse,” I said.

“I’m freezing,” Tiara said. “My trousers are wet. I’d be better off just in my knickers.”

“What are you talking about?” Cadance said.

“You know what? I think I’m going to take them off.”

I walked out to see Tiara pulling down her pants.

Naturally Arty didn’t see me coming.

Once I’d stuck him with the cattle prod I dropped it and grabbed the shotgun. I’m not dumb enough to let Tiara take it again.

Cadance and Tiara tied him up with at least a half dozen straps of leather, before tossing him in one of the stalls and closing the padlock behind him.

Cadance picked the cattle prod up off the concrete floor.

“You can’t trust those girls,” he said to me.

“I don’t trust you,” I said. “You’re too nice. It’s kind of suspicious, you know?”

We left him in Stable B and made our way outside.

We headed over to the first stable, where the other girls and I’d been locked away; I made sure to be at the back, just in case one of Fallon Allen’s daughters decided to try anything.

Cadance opened the door, and she and Tiara stepped inside.

“Are they okay?” I asked.

“See for yourself,” Tiara said.

I walked into the stable, trying to hold the shotgun like I knew how to use it.

I pointed it at the two men standing in the aisle in front of us. One of them was Pouchon. The other was fifties, white, and surprisingly fit.

“Put the gun down,” the older man said. “You just look silly holding it like that.”

“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “I’ll still blow your head off.”

“Sure you will.”

Pouchon stepped towards me.

I didn’t know what to do.

I felt the jolt of the cattle prod on my ass.

Cadance laughed as I stumbled forward.

Pouchon took the shotgun out of my hands as he steadied me. “Sorry, Amanda. You’re in over your head.”

“Ya think?”

He smiled. “I still like you.”

“Put them in the stall with the others,” the older man said.

Pouchon looked surprised. “All three of them?”

“Deaf and ugly… wow.”

Pouchon opened the nearest padlocked stall, where I could see Julia and Sayra sitting in the straw. He nodded to me.

“Does he know you eat people?” I asked as I stepped into the stall.

“I’m an open book,” Pouchon said.

I sat down beside Sayra.

She was looking at me. And so was Julia.

“Are you alright, Amanda?” she asked. Her speech was halting and a little slurred, but I had not trouble understanding.

I leaned in and wrapped my arm around her. “Oh, Sayra… I’m so glad you guys are okay.”

“Now you girls get in the stall,” Pouchon said, grabbing onto Cadance’s elbow with one hand. He yanked the yellow cattle prod out of her hands with the other.