Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

. .

At the Ooh Baby table: Biggie & Telma, Gwen & Phoebe, Aleisha & her parents, Biggie’s brother Brando, Wendy Mogel & budding author Bud Wiggins.

Wendy was married to Michael Tolkin. Bud was her date tonight because her husband had to fly to New Zealand for the weekend, where a $125 million film was being shot from his script. There’d been a few skirmishes between director & , serious enough that they almost came to blows. Tolkin & the lead actor had a good relationship so the studio asked him to intervene. Wendy wryly said that he agreed to do “emotional triage.” Tolkin & one of his agents flew over, plus 2 studio semi-chieftains, plus 3 of the film’s producers, plus the actor’s & director’s agents. They were all staying at the same lodge, which Tolkin had christened “Olympic Village.”

Wendy had written a number of bestsellers on healthy parenting. (Bud told her, “Where were you when my mother needed you!”) He knew Wendy all the way back to when she and Michael started dating. She was always kind to Bud, even when she knew he was down and out, something he never forgot. She looked Bud in the eye when he spoke, and generally treated him like a human being worthy of attention and respect.

. .

Michael Douglas saw the documentary about Fran Lebowitz that Toni was in. He thought it was hilarious. He particularly loved the part where Fran talked about what it was like to accompany Toni & her retinue to Oslo for the Nobel ceremony. Ms. Morrison knew that Michael and Catherine hosted the Nobel Peace Prize Concert in 2003, for the Iranian woman.

“Shirin Ebadi,” said Michael. “Brave lady. We had a great time with her. She’s Muslim. Yusuf Islam sang Peace Train .”

“Isn’t that Cat Stevens?” said Toni.

“Right. I don’t think the audience knew though.”

“Of course they did!” said Catherine.

“A lot of em didn’t. But I never argue with my wife.”

“The hell you don’t,” said the firebrand.

“Because I know it’ll end in blood. And it won’t be hers.”

She swatted him, as was her wont.

“We had a wonderful party in Oslo,” said the laureate. “Lou & Laurie — Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson — and Bono.”

“Bono is such a giver,” said Catherine.

“He sang ‘One,’” said Toni.

“That’s what I sang!” said Catherine.

“Not that ‘One.’ The U2 ‘One,’” he said.

“I know . I was just being silly.”

“Fran should have emceed,” said the actor to Toni. “I take it back — that might have been dangerous! She should have sung a little ditty with Lou.”

“Did you know that she’s a wonderful lyricist? Fran is one of the great unsungs — literally!”

“That’s funny.”

“That woman astonishes me with her gifts . In my mind, she’s right up there with Sondheim & Noël Coward. But inevitably, unmistakably. . Fran. ” Her delivery was throaty and expansive, as was her laugh.

“Catherine sang ‘One’—from A Chorus Line— when we were over there hosting the Peace Concert. Remember how much fun you had, Cat?”

“Marvin Hamlisch wrote me new lyrics, so it made sense when I sung it to Shirin. But he didn’t really have to change too much. ‘She walks into a room & you know she’s uncommonly rare, very unique’—well that is Shirin. Marvin didn’t have to touch that.”

“… peripatetic, poetic & chic,” said Joyce, finishing the lyric.

“You know it!” said Catherine.

“I do,” she said. “I actually reviewed A Chorus Line for The Times Literary Supplement .”

. .

Telma got up from the table and ran off, dragging Biggie along.

Brando said to Bud, “Did you get an email from my little brother?”

“He sent it to me right after we met.”

“So what do you think? Did you read it?”

“I did. It’s an amazing story. It’s dark.”

“Tell me about it. Welcome to my nightmare!”

Bud said, “It made me think of Antigone .”

Of course it hadn’t ; it was Biggie who referenced the play. Bud read the detailed synopsis in SparkNotes online.

“What’s Antigone ?” asked Brando.

“A Greek play,” said Bud, with casual assurance. “About a king who refuses to bury the body of his son. Antigone’s the sister, who tries to get her brother a decent burial.”

“Jesus,” said Brando.

“Everyone in it dies, don’t they?” said Wendy, almost rhetorically. She was easygoing, comfortably chiming in without having to know a whole backstory. “Antigone’s brother dies, then Antigone dies… doesn’t she hang herself? I think even the king dies. And the king’s son, & the king’s wife ———”

Bud thought it was classy that Wendy always downplayed the scope of her knowledge. She probably spoke Greek.

“Do you think there’s a movie there?” said Brando. The question was directed at Wendy as much as it was toward Bud. “Or maybe I should ask, do you think there’s a script .”

Before Bud could answer, Telma roared up to the table holding a tall, ostrich-looking man’s hand. Biggie was right behind her, panting. He plunked down beside his brother while Telma stood between Phoebe & Gwen.

“Mom! Look who I found! It’s Dr. Bessowichte!”

The awkward Bessowichte shifted on his shifty feet.

He was nothing to her but Dr. Mengele now.

Gwen froze him out.

“Mom? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing sweetheart.”

“But you’re being rude!”

“The doctor and I aren’t speaking. We had a difference of opinion.”

“About what ?”

Gwen hesitated a moment, then:

“Obama.”

. .

Telma on the run again, a sugarless people high.

OMG she saw Khloé Kardashian. OMG!!! They hugged and hugged, hadn’t seen each other since the KKs took over Lucy’s El Adobe for Kourtney’s birthday. Ryan Seacrest paid Khloé and Telma $25,000 to sing “Smile,” & all the money went to the ped- OINK Research wing of St. Ambrose’s.

Telma told Khloé she was singing “Over the Rainbow” tonight and was going on right after Beyoncé. Khloé said she already knew that, because it was in the program (it was too late to print the change re the Aleisha finale). OMG you’re CLOSING the SHOW! said Khloé, which made Telma feel funny/sick in her stomach. You’re my little STAR! I cannot BELIEVE that BEYONCÉ is your opening act!!! Telma said, Yeah I know, I’m at the very end, well not the VERY end but ALMOST (unable to bring herself to tell Khloé that in fact she, Telma, was the opening act for ALEISHA, she felt funny in her stomach again, sick & less-than & ashamed). Then Telma had an idea how she could totally steal the show from Aleisha if Khloé sang “Rainbow” with her like they did for Kourtney’s bday. Khloé! Khloé! Do you want to sing it with me do you WANT TO do you want to do a DUET with me?!?! Khloé laughed, Telma was so happy, she knew she’d found a perfect solution , a way out of the nightmare, Telma hung on Khloé saying how much everyone would love it but Khloé held firm, she said she hated her voice & that she’d “officially retired as a singer. Too painful!” But what if someone pays us $25,000?! Khloé laughed again. I’m totally serious, Biggie will! My friend Biggie & his brother will, they’ll probably give us a MILLION dollars if we sang——My little HUSTLER! said Khloé with great affection. No, she couldn’t, she really just wanted to sit & enjoy & not have the spotlight on her, it was such a relief not to even have the cameras there tonight (the absence of which had initially depressed Telma but then she was glad because all they would do was capture Aleisha’s performance and make a out of her), Lamar was in NYC & all she wanted to do tonight was be entertained by Telma & “your opening act, Beyoncé.”