Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

“I will.”

“He’s also an incredible jewelry designer. He’s basically become Donna Karan’s jeweler and spiritual advisor!”

They reached a table that was empty except for one man. (The show was about to begin and the bathrooms were being used en masse.)

“This,” says Suzanne, “is Montenegro. Montenegro? Meet Gwen.”

Then she leaves.

He’s sixtysomething, ruddy and sweetsmelling, impeccably turned out. He too is larger than life: big white wolf teeth, big wide beard, big wide spicy eyes. One dangly gold earring.

“Please! Sit.”

She does. And right away he takes her hand.

“You’re suffering . Because you want to— need to — tell someone you love more than life a painful truth. And he — she? — she has already suffered so much. Too much! And for what? But there is no choice , you cannot live in lies , you can only live in truth . You need to live in truth or you’ll cause more damage, more harm. Not just to the one you love , but to you . The truth will be the gift you can give her. Do you understand?”

. .

How, how did he know those things?

And why did Suzanne Somers lead her to him?

She felt like a ruin, dizzy, all clogged up.

She’s had enough of herself, she’s just had — enough.

There goes Steve Martin to the stage, there goes laughter and applause, there go the doctors, doctors and more doctors, there go the tributes to the doctors, and now there goes a short film projected on the giant wall panels featuring herds of bald children w/eyes big as Montenegro’s. There goes Young Hollywood— & more awards… she tells Phoebe she can’t take much more. But she does not tell her she wants to die.

She’s been thinking about dying, about dying and taking Telma with her.

Suddenly Catherine Zeta-Jones is onstage in top hat and tails, singing at Michael.

“ ONE singular sensation, at the bot-tom of the tongue—”

Gwen tuned in long enough to recall reading something about how furious Catherine was at all the American doctors for missing it, how close their bumbling bullshit came to killing him, triggering another internal jag (one more in a series) of Gwen’s… mother fuck American doctors, boy o boy could she relate, a person had a better chance of surviving heart surgery in the fucking Sudan, she was determined one day to bond with Catherine over mutual nightmares. But at least theirs had a happy ending. . . ….

Gwen looked up at the monitors. The camera was on Michael watching Catherine from his table, eating it up. He loved his wife’s passion and mischiefmaking.

“ —THREE wrongful di-ag-NO-ses, every test that he takes!”

Lots of laughter, a bit awkward in that doctors never quite warm to indictments of their own… so many things could happen… those tumors were so hard to——Gwen reverting, retreating into her fog, Michael accepting his award, Michael with tears in his eyes, Michael stressing the importance of head&neck checkups… so so foggy. She looks around — Aleisha and Telma already gone, and Phoebe too. Phoebe probably saw the condition she was in & made an executive decision to be one of the adults accompanying the kids to the green room backstage where they would be wired for sound and generally prepped for their tearjerky rockstar finale. Gwen wants to be with them backstage, waiting in the wings for their cue, wants to be with Aleisha&Melanie, wants to be supportive, propping up her own sweet tragic maimed and mutilated daughter but doesn’t for the moment have the strength to move from her chair.

Beyoncé!

sings a medley when she gets to

“Single Ladies” the audience

EXPLODES

and then she begins Run the World (Girls), kickass tribute to the upcoming Telma & Aleisha…

——WTF Gwen’s arm is grabbed HARD by Jesselle, who says there’s a problem . Gwen follows her to the far side of the ballroom then down, almost sprints to keep up, she’s saying Telma won’t go on, she’s refusing, she won’t sing unless Aleisha comes on before , Telma said everyone in the audience Michael Douglas and Khloé Kardashian read the program and thinks SHE’S closing the show. Gwen is mortified… “So you know what?” says Jesselle, with contempt. “ That’s what we’re going to do. Aleisha will come out and sing ‘Smile’ then Telma will sing ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow.’ OK?” It’s a testy rhetorical question, Gwen doesn’t say anything because if Jesselle’s already made up her mind Gwen doesn’t even know why she went and grabbed her or what she’s supposed to even do , unless Jesselle just came up with that now, of Aleisha coming out first and Telma going after , but Gwen is surprised to find herself thinking there is just no way, this has gone too far, Telma’s going to go on BEFORE Aleisha or not at all because darlin you’re just too young to be a diva ———————O SHIT there they are! Aleisha’s mom’s Zen grin turned to mush, Telma crying/stomping her foot in deep rhythmic tantrum, Aleisha watching her, watching Telma’s alien movements so closely, still devoted, still in awe, still helpless—

“What is the matter with you!” shouts Gwen. She takes Telma by the shoulders & shakes her. Telma: unplacable, opaque, insistent. So wounded in so many ways. Gwen angry , then remembering the mutilation — angry, then remembering — angry, then remembering. But the words come out Don’t do this to her Telma it isn’t fair—— but nothing NOTHING moves her, & it’s

T I M E

SHIT! A hush falls like silent snow, everyone knows what’s coming, it’s in the program, it’s Telma closing the show, that’s what the program says, the Courage people (mostly Tiff Koster) had the idea for Aleisha to sing but it was too late to change it in the program, they hadn’t even printed up inserts, the plan was for Telma to go out there and do “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and at the very end (as abortively rehearsed) Telma would intro “my new BFF from Ontario Canada” (Tiff Koster’s awkward wording) but now that wasn’t going to happen, the trouble was that Steve was still going to intro Telma as planned (as written in the program) but because Telma refused to go and sing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and at the end of it intro little Aleisha, now little Aleisha was going to be the one who went out onstage as Steve intro’d Telma , which would require some quick explaining (by Steve or someone ), you know, like, as you can see this isn’t Telma, before we bring Telma out please meet our very special guest who flew all the way from Ontario Canada to be with us tonight, she’s actually the youngest breast cancer survivor in the world and she’s going to sing “Smile” but how was THAT even going to work unless Jesselle practically walked out onstage with Aleisha and used the mic for her remarks before handing it off to the beleaguered child…

… NOW Steve Martin says, We have someone very special with us tonight, I’m sure she’s familiar to many of you in her official role of the Mayor of St. Ambrose’s (already in the script, & written by Tiff K). . ladies and gentlemen, without further ado. . . . . . . . TELMA BALLENDYNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! — ——

“Telma, you are NOT going on after her! You are NOT !”

——— Aleisha & her mom walk onstage prematurely, Melanie confused, Jesselle too distracted to stop them, everything’s going to hell, plus the collective gasp at how tiny Aleisha is also gives way to murmurry puzzlement, as 15 % of the audience knows this is not Telma . Jesselle walks out after them to make the proper intro, the audience laughs at the sweet nonpro logistical snafu but lovely, the laughter with them in their ordinariness, their simple sacred commonplaceness, the heroic example set by their most uncommon commonplace courage which is what the ball is about TAKE COURAGE Steve Martin’s eyes already look like they might be tearing up, so moved how can you not be moved— Ladies & Gentleman says Jesselle, having been handed the mic, we have a very special guest from Ontario Canada, Miss Aleisha Hunter the heart is unlonely hun— Aleisha was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 2½ ( AUDIENCE GASP ) now she’s five, she’s the world’s youngest breast cancer survivor (Gwen forever of course by Telma’s side, now paranoid/reading Jesselle’s words as deliberate salts in the wound of your bitch daughter) ( THE AUDIENCE ROARS, HALF OF THEM ON THEIR FEET IN OVATION, THE REST SAVING IT ALSO NOT WANTING TO SPOOK THE LITTLE ONE WHO IS VERY LITTLE ). In the clutch, Melanie has reacquired her Zen game face, the audience now fairly gasping with the sentimentality&grandeur/impossible bravery of the moment———Mama Melanie leans down to her baby & whispers Are you OK? meaning, to be alone by yourself onstage? Aleisha nods & Mom walks off——more than half the audience dies a little because they didn’t want Mom to go, someone should have told Mom to just stay, the child looks so stranded, so vulnerable, so perfect, so ———— the orchestra begins, a small not overbearing arrangement, Aleisha makes a tentative start, a few fits starts & hiccups then audience tenses, tears rolling already, audience WILLING her to be OK, for everything to be all right she will be, won’t she? She’s a trooper, right? The powers that be would not have thrown her to the lions, would they? I mean she must have done benefits before, performed at benefits before, no? Right? The whole room straining with her, rooting for her, dying in their lonely flooded unhunted hearts for her, then