Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

The teen mom show commercials were really weird. Like one for birth control that looked like it was a hearing aid you stuck inside. OMG disgusting, I will NEVER! At the end, a woman listed all the side effects and different ways the birth control thingie could be dangerous. They said don’t use it if you had “certain cancers” and Telma thought that probably meant ovarian not breast. The birth control ad was totally normal compared to the ones that came on for “Wild Partyline” & “Livelink” which were TOTALLY DISGUSTING. OMG!!!!! She paused the TV and went right to the Livelinks Facebook page. It was a full-on dating site but maybe one where you only talked to people on the phone? “Immediate & exciting! Meet someone tonight. ” So gross! But Wild Partyline was sooooooooooo completely gross and disgusting. Telma googled the URL & clicked on it: CONNECT WITH 100’S OF HORNY EBONY BABES & SEXY LATINAS NOW! O. My. God. “SWEET PHONE SEX WITH A HORNY OLDER SLUT”. . . . . . . . . no! no! nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!. . . . . ….

——Telma could understand why the show would have a birth control commercial because lots of teenaged and younger girls watched the teen moms… but why were the other ads there?????????

OMG

———the TV people who paid for the teen mom shows must know that DIRTY OLD MEN ARE WATCHING??????!!!!!

Ewwwwwwwww!

Im gonna B A R F!!!!!!!!

She turned it off and reread her letter.

It was in cursive, like the one she’d written to Michael. She wanted to stand out, not just be one more of a million emails. In some places she copied from the Michael letter verbatim. She made the decision to continue to refer to herself as the world’s “youngest Kansurvivor,” as technically, Aleisha hadn’t been alive long enough after her surgery to earn that “sobriquet.”

Kris Jenner

Life & Style Magazine

Ask Kris:

THE KARDASHIANS’ MOM SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS

askkris@lifeandstylemag.com

Dear Kris,

My name is Telma Belle Peony Ballendyne. (Belle is my grandma’s name & Peony is my mom’s favorite flower and mine too!) I am 13 years old and a Kansurvivor. I became a HERO (not victim) of this terrible disease at the age of 9 years old and have been Kancer-free for 4 years now, making me the youngest Kansurvivor in America and maybe the world! The doctors decided that it was necessary to perform a double mastectomy, for which I am also Guiness World Record Book-bound. There is a LOT more of my story which I will not BORE you with (at this time!;D).

(As you can see, I LOVE LOVE LOVE “K”’s!!!!! Almost as much as the Kardashians!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I had a mastectomy & was lucky not to need a course of chemo or radiation. The doctors say there is “NO REASON” why I could not one day concieve of a child — which I very much would, & a DAUGHTER & hopefully MORE daughters, so that one day I may start a Dynasty of my own like you and Bruce!!!!

I am not a fan of very thin, annorexic girls & actresses. I think it is for some people a VERY REAL SICKNESS, & they need all the help they can get. YOUR DAUGHTER Kim & ALL of your DAUGHTER’S are so beautiful & unself-concsious about their beautiful womanly bodies. I know they are like that because of what how carefully you taught to them, & the SHINING EXAMPLE that you set, which is SO laudable!! I read the Glamour.com interview where Kim said she had a C-cup when she was even YOUNGER than me & used to sit in the bathtub with hot towels over her boobies, praying they did not grow. (I sit & pray that mine WILL!!! though alas it is impossibel until the days of medical miracles which may not be for 100 yrs. But maybe APPLE will come up with the iPADDED BRA!!;D) What was so very lovely & beautiful, Kris, was when Kimberly said that you SAT WITH HER & told her how much she would love her VERY big boobies one day, you said Armenians are curvy, you said, “This is who you are.” & Kim said that was what gave her the confidence to be who she was!!!!

I am writing to you to ask your guidance in finding a plastic surgeon so that when I am of the proper age, I too may have a FULL WOMANLY CHEST, & comely & au-natural-looking like your daughters. I know that your daughters’s many chests are REAL. But the reason I am asking is that I know that you only assosciate with the VERY BEST in whatever field they may toil, & THAT is why I feel confident in asking you this. I like my other features very much & do not anticipate having any face work done until I am very old (my 40s). So all that I am asking is for a recommendation or referral (perhaps it would be best if you could make an introductory call?) for the VERY BEST NEW BREAST DOCTOR or even doctors, so I can meet him or the whole Team, & we can all get to know each other. That way, when my time comes, he won’t be operating on a stranger. I have many doctor friends & get along with them very well. They are real friends, not pretend friends. They are “Telma’s Warriors.”

I am not worrying about my flat chest (which is also somewhat scarred by the skin grafting but is not as bad as that sounds) — I am not worrying very much NOW because there are no men in my life but one day if a boy finds my person-ality to be attractive to him, & I like him back in the same way, I would enjoying being in the position to be a NORMAL girl. (My dream is to look like ALL YOUR DAUGHTERS above the WAIST!!!!) I would like to be able to wear a swimsuit on the beach in the summer too without attracting too many stairs. Do you think you could help me?

Thank you, KRIS! I could not ask my mother because she has been a little sad of late, & its not that I do not trust her or have faith in her decisions & taste (which I do to the 1000 %!!!!), but I know the KARDASHIAN KLAN is “in the know” & that you would recommend to me a doctor with whom you would trust to work on your very own children, if they were in the position I am, which THANK GOD they are NOT! And THAT is why I decided to “ASK KRIS”!!!!

Thank you, & I love to keep up with the Kardashians & I love your show & ALL your shows there are so many I have LOST COUNT!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Telma Belle Ballendyne

P.S. I have more than enough money saved, I believe my mother has put away for me monies from various sources to the tune of $100,000, I wanted to tell you this so you could tell the doctors that I am not a fly-by-night (which used to be my Dad’s favorite phrase or sobriquett) or charity case & can pay them their full fee. Glod Bless.

. .

The day had exhausted her.

She kept circling back to the taboo, the unspeakable.

In the week that followed the meeting in Century City, it was explained how the mistake had been made, the vague mechanics and diabolically shifting sands of it. (The parts that Gwen was able to understand only made it worse.) The most pressing thing she wanted answered was how long they’d been aware of their mistake. They said that their findings had been confirmed only a week before disclosure; though Gwen had no reason to believe anything they said, this she chose to accept. Now it was up to the hospital to learn from the incident so it wouldn’t happen again — new safeguards and protocols, mandatory seminars for doctors and nurses, required classes for radiologists. The time would come when insurance paid whatever it was going to pay, & everyone moved on, everyone but Gwen. There would be no mob of outraged parents in the streets demanding justice, because Telma wasn’t their child; not the child of the brilliant, winning, idiosyncratic oncologists; not the child of the superb, bosomy nurses, each at the top of their game, drenched in compassion. The RNs gave Telma and Gwen their hearts, and she knew how mortified they would be upon learning of the secret horrors perpetrated on their mascot, their soldier, their — well, yes —baby girl.