Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

Kids today.

. .

He invited Rikki to see his work.

Jerzy stayed in the poolhouse which actually was the coolest place to live but no one wanted to because a generator as big as an outhouse sat buttnext to it. The thing was connected to two frigidaire freezers Betty White bought in the 1800s and kept out in the garage. The old generator had a full personality; it’d been around long enough to have earned run of the house (at least of the poolhouse & areas adjacent), meaning it belched revved rebooted and refarted whenever it damn pleased.

Rikki was anxious to see his new BFF’s art. Jerzy kept his various stashes in the poolhouse/garage & Rikki was anxious to see those too. Jerzy was now the official hostess w/the mostess.

The middleschool dropout, out-of-work actor & dad-to-be stepped back to take it all in while Jerzy rooted around for a pipe. Rikki was confused. He thought the photos would be shots of celebrities but couldn’t tell what they were. Jerzy kept mum, he was otherwise engaged. Rikki’s head was elsewhere too, he was thinking of his BFF’s stash but knew he really needed to try & focus solely on the so-called artwork because the more sincere & attentive he was to the pictures on the wall, the sooner & larger the bowl of crystal awaited him as a reward to ignite his bones… so he made sure to stay respectfully on it, even tho each millisecond was a war waged against ripping his eyes away from the weird, perfectly hung images & swiveling around to google if Jerzy was still treasurehunting the pipe or if he’d found it & already moved on to tapping no-longer-a-Secret Stash #1. Rikki decided to pose a question, which would at least afford him a quick glance, all like very fake casual, doop-de-doop-de-doo, like why would he have any interest in whatever the fuck Jerzy was up to, you know, like, how Rikki really wanted to spend the next 4 days was writing up a little critique about Jerzy’s fucked-up art project , the very last thing on his mind being to smoke a few bowls & get to the porn.

“Are you going to call it anything? I mean, it’s like gunna be a show at a museum & shit?”

Not bad — the actor in him did a pretty good job too of not seeming too anxious you know like if Jerzy offered him a bowl, cool, but if not, that’d be cool too, which like it wouldn’t because Rikki would probably fucking club Jerzy to death with whatever was at hand. But Jerzy had the pipe & bowl in hand; shit was looking up.

“‘Bad News Bears.’ No, I’m kidding. Daydream Believers . I’m kidding I’m kidding. Do you know what a ‘captcha’ is?” Rikki shook his head. “It’s when you go online and there’s like a word & maybe numbers in a box written in wavy letters? And before they give you access you have to type in what you think the numbers & letters are? They call that a captcha . It’s how they can tell you’re human & not a computer.” Rikki didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. “It’s how they separate the hummingbirds from the mantis. So right now that’s what I’m calling it, ‘Captcha.’ And I’m calling myself Squeegee . ‘Captcha by Squeegee.’”

“Cool.”

“So do you want to smoke some of this?”

. .

“Can you listen?”

“Yes.”

“We’ll get down some more after you listen.”

“I’ll listen. I’m listening.”

“You have to want to listen.”

“But I do, dude. I do.”

“This is about the number 3. Are you ready for this?”

Rikki nods.

Then:

“ 3 . . is the only number with a beginning, middle & end .”

Rikki let it sink in. Jerzy watches it sink into Rikki.

“I’m going to give you a triad. Know what a triad is?”

Rikki shook his head.

“It’s a group or set of 3 connected people or things .”

Rikki was already so far out there whoa why would I need why do I even need to why would I want to get more out there yes I need to get more more more out there I do—

“OK. All I’m going to do is give you one triad. 1 set of 3.”

“OK.”

“Then we’ll get down with the KJ.”

“Okay.”

“I got a hundred roxies.”

“For real?”

“For real-real. For really-real real.”

“You’re the bomb.”

“We cn get stardusted.”

“Uh I don’t know I don’t think so.”

“I’m going to give you a triad . But you need to be ready .”

“I am. I am. I’m ready.”

“I’m just going to say it.”

“I’m listening.”

“Here it is: Iovine, Mathers, Jay-Z .”

“What?”

“Say it.”

“You trippin dude you trippin.”

“Say it.”

“Man this is — shit — you—”

“Say it. Iovine, Mathers, Jay-Z. ”

“Iovine, Mathers, Jay-Z. But dude you trippin—––”

“Jay-Z is Hov . Say it.”

“Dude I just want to smoke.”

“Jay-Z is Hov . Say it.”

“Jay-Z is Hov. ”

“Hov = Jehovah . Jay- hov-uh .”

“Jay-hov-uh.”

“Jehovah = YAHWEH.”

“YAHWEH?”

“That’s a triad. That’s all you need to know.”

“All right. All right. I’m down, dude. I’m down. I’m down.”

“Take the pipe.”

fuck dude thank you . (Smokes/coughs. Crazy/smokes. Crazy) o dude thank you o shit dude it/s good. thank you. all that shit is for real heavy all your art too man dude shit thank you. i fuckin LOVE this shit hey hey hey dude, go for a ride let’s just drive or whatever you want to do what do you need man what do you need I fuckin LOVE this shit if you want me to do like I’m not like that but if you want me to do whatever to you to make you feel good, to keep the bowls cummin that/s cool i don/t do that shit for real but i/d do for you for real to whatever because all this shit is for real serious thank you i O! SHIT! dude, let’s go for a ride! let/s go back to britney/s cmon dude! but we don/t have to, we don/t have to but if we don/t can you like take me down the hill? can you maybe like take me down the hill in the morning or tonight or whenever? cause i forgot to get maxipads for ree she said to get maxipads she’s leaking pee dude let/s smoke can we just another bowl

Cancer Awareness

It

was early in the game, but he had that old feeling , the feeling that things were coming together.

He was at Ago with Heather Morris, the screenwriter Steve Kloves and the dancer Benjamin Millepied. Ben’s wife sent her regrets; home with a sick baby.

Though he still planned to write the script himself (he was working on it in his trailer between Treasure scenes), talking it out with Steve was invaluable — the man, as they say, not only knew his shit but remembered where he put it. They first got to know each other on the set of Wonder Boys and had loosely kept in touch. Through the years, Michael’s family made it a tradition to have supper with Steve and Jo whenever Harry Potter had its UK premières.

He knew Benjamin’s work long before Black Swan . Michael and Catherine were fans back when he was a soloist at the City Ballet. When they finally met, Ben shared that he’d performed in a Jerry Robbins piece. Michael was a friend of Jerry’s and realized he must have seen the kid dance sometime in ’95. It was fun to introduce him to Heather. She was sweetly nervous, and the dancer put her at ease. He told her that he and Natalie loved Glee (and especially her). Ben did his YouTube homework too; he was genuinely impressed by HeMo’s hip hop dance videos.