Bruce Wagner - I Met Someone

“A few things,” said Livia, girding herself.

A week ago, when Dusty came clean about how she’d lost her daughter, Livia was stunned, and knew right away that finding Aurora might be impossible. Until then, everything that had been told to her over the years, or implied in glancing conversation, portrayed the case as a fairly typical adoption scenario. At the time, of course, Dusty had no desire to go further, so Livia didn’t probe. By accepting what she’d been told, she booked passage on Dusty’s leaky ship; she hadn’t enabled the actress’s false narrative, but rather conspired, in complete innocence, to endorse or at least subscribe to the history that was provided. But the facts she’d recently been apprised of — details Dusty blithely, wrongly presented as what Livia “already knew”—greatly disturbed. The storyline’s fresh parameters fell far outside the usual avenues and networks of Livia’s experience, and well beyond her sleuthhound capabilities. She understood the distortions and confusion of Dusty’s recollections; because of the guilt she carried for losing Aurora, she’d been deeply invested in the somewhat sugary expository yarn her mother had initially imposed. Reina had inculcated, shaped, and molded, persuaded and propagandized, masterfully exploiting the teen mom’s vulnerabilities. It made sense to her that Dusty would have cosigned whatever story she’d been spoon-fed at the age of sixteen, one that got reinforced over time — a wrenching tale, yes, but craftily commonplace (though in gross contradiction of the recently shared facts). Even if from early on Dusty was aware subconsciously that something didn’t jibe, the details had hardened into a mythology that served her wayward heart.

It was imperative that Livia handle with care; Dusty was family. Outside help was now required and it was time to have that conversation. But first, she needed to soften the blow — to give her something.

“I found Aurora’s dad.”

“You found Ronny?” she said with a smile, not really surprised. She’d provided Livia with the full name. How hard could it have been?

“Yes. And you did say he never tried to get in touch with you?”

“Absolutely not!” said Dusty. “Wow. God. Ronny!”

In truth, she was only mildly curious, and a little nonplussed. You found Ronny? Ronny Swerdlow? That’s the newsflash? Well, thanks for the memories… But, like, uhm, really? It made her bitchily wonder how Livia had been spending her time. Maybe the old broad had been in the general’s tent too long and forgotten what she knew about hand-to-hand combat. Why waste time tracking down a man who was useless to the cause? Besides, anyone could have gone on the Internet and found him, Marta’s daughter could have… but she needed to give Livia her due. The woman did know her shit.

Didn’t she?

Perhaps more would be revealed.

“So did you talk to him?” asked Dusty.

“I would never do that. But I have an address and a home phone. He’s married, with three children.”

“Where does he live?”

“Provo.”

“Is he Mormon?”

She was making conversation, to take the edge off her impatience.

“No idea.”

“But what does it mean that you found him, Liv?” she asked, with a hard smile now, unable to restrain her contempt. She’d already shared the strong opinion that Ronny would have been clueless about their daughter’s existence, because Dusty never told a soul —none of her girlfriends knew she was expecting, not even faraway Miranda. Especially not Miranda. So there was no way that he knew.

“How does finding him help ?”

“He’s a resource!” said Livia excitably. The declaration sounded hollow and straw-grabby, like the spin a wild-eyed publicist puts on a doomed project. “I’ve been doing this long enough to have seen some pretty strange things. The truth is always so much further out than we can even imagine. One scenario — and it’s just a scenario —is that Ronny’s parents stayed in touch with Reina. That wouldn’t be unusual because in cases like yours, both sets of parents can become ‘co-conspirators.’ They bond over ‘saving the day.’ Reputations and futures. Maybe Reina told them exactly what happened—”

“I doubt that, Liv. But I’m still not following!”

“—then over time , everyone moves away, loses touch. Everyone gets on with their lives . And maybe , after however many years, Ronny’s parents — or maybe just one of them, because the other one died, which would heighten the urgency — let’s just say the mom finally talked to her son. To Ronny. Now this could have happened years ago or this could have happened last month. Maybe even triggered by Reina’s death, by someone seeing that in the paper or on the computer, who knows? But what we do know is that there would be guilt from all those years of keeping secrets . So Ronny’s mom or dad tells all. Blabs the truth . Maybe it’s as simple as them just wanting to be grandparents …”

“ O-kayyy …” Dusty felt like she was listening to a psychotic writer’s pitch.

“So now Ronny knows . The big secret. Again, this could have happened thirty years ago . Because wanting to see your grandchild is compelling. And let’s say he was able to find her, find Aurora, using the information given. The information Mom or Dad got from Reina. From the horse’s mouth. Unlikely, yes , but anything’s possible . It’s a scenario . Remember, we’re dealing with a giant puzzle right now.”

“Let’s go with the scenario ,” said Dusty, disheartened and unconvinced. “For argument’s sake. Let’s say he found her. Found Aurora. If he did , why wouldn’t he have found me ? Why wouldn’t he have come to me . Why wouldn’t he have told me?”

“Maybe he holds a resentment—”

“A resentment —Livia, this is crazy!”

“—it would have come as an enormous shock to him — that he had a daughter — and he may have been so angry that you never told him. Not to tell you he found her would be a way of retaliating . I once worked with a couple where the mom was reunited with the son and told him in no uncertain terms that his father was dead, when he was alive and well. It’s more common than you’d think. Here’s another scenario: that he found Aurora and did tell her about you—”

“Oh Lord,” she said, exasperated. “Lord, lord, lord.”

“—and Aurora wasn’t ready , was still angry, wanted nothing to do with you — Dusty, I’ve seen it happen! Where children feel that when their parents give them up, they forfeit that right . They go through all kinds of emotions. Maybe Aurora knows but doesn’t want to — didn’t want to give you that pleasure .” The flurry of hypotheticals made the use of tense problematic. “She might have thought — might still be thinking — that if you wanted to see her so much, you could just come look for her like her dad did.”

“Livia…” she said hopelessly, unable to account for her old friend and advocate’s delirium. “We’re not talking about some… flustered teenager anymore. We’re talking about a woman !”

“Who may still be that flustered teenager inside , we can’t know what wounds she’s carrying.”

“It’s like castles in the sand! It’s less than castles in the sand — it’s like castles in the clouds …”