Arnon Grunberg - Tirza

There is no answer.

'Have you the cold?' he asks. 'Kaisa?'

Again no answer. He feels something on his cheek. A manual. The basis of Kaisa.

They purr of him, it seems. She has her hand on his face. But its main has not moved.

He is not seeing. The manual remains lie.

Silence. Silence and darkness. That is the desert in the night. Occasionally the sound of the wind.

'You know what it was with Tirza,' he says soft, 'You know what it was?' he does not need to whisper, but he does it. It is so quiet here, his voice seems tens of meters away. 'They seemed to me. That was it. She was… She was…'

The hand moves slowly on his face, as the basis of a blind. It is not a stroke is the search. But what are the hand, Kaisa's hand?

'I came the living room,' he whispers, 'de living room which has been my parents, and there it was. On the table. Tirza. She heard me. He also not. It makes so much noise, Kaisa, sex. It is so noisy, that makes it all the unpleasant for third parties. The noise. The noise. Nothing but noise.'

The hand on the face of a ship's steward does not moving. His mouth. Its ears. His nose. Everything is touched.

'I actually wanted to leave. To the kitchen. I was doing something. I do not remember what. Drinking wine. I think. Italian gewürztraminer. But I stopped. I found it strange that they had heard me. That is why I continued to watch. It was so love Loos, Kaisa. Suddenly I saw that. How love free it was. How To…'

His lips are dry. He has a thirst, but he has not taken up water and he is too tired now to go down in the hut to find a bottle.

The manual is silent on the nose. It is not unpleasant sensation. It is a pleasant hand. A soft grip.

'Love Free is sex,' he whispers, 'in general, always under all conditions, I thought. That i saw. The had me not be surprised, and yet surprised me. I mean the beast knows no love, the Kent at most rage. Hunger, Thirst, fatigue. And I thought: what is happening here? What is happening here? What is going on here? My daughter is getting a good service, that is the problem that is happening here. And those words, a good service, remained in my head, remained orbiting around, they did not want to leave as a… as a prayer, Kaisa. A good service, I thought, a good service, that is what my daughter is getting of life. And I looked at his buttocks, the buttocks of Mohammed Atta, and I thought: what are they white. What he has a white buttocks for a brown man. What funny. White buttocks. I was there at the fireplace, I saw them go up and down, which buttocks, like a movie. I had to go as i was received, silent and cautious, but i did not go. I did not believe me. I stayed there to watch, to which white buttocks.'

The manual is now on his cheek. The fingers seem to play the piano on his cheek. And he thinks that it is me the tickling. They tickling sensation.

'Kaisa,' he whispers, 'You can you not imagine, but as i was there. Minutes seemed, in reality but seconds, but it seemed minutes, hours, half a life. And although i said nothing and did nothing, they saw me suddenly, or they had heard. What try. In any case arising Mohammed Atta his head. And I thought: this is what I have already said all experienced. I am so old that i have seen everything twice. And Tirza saw me also and they climbed from table. She was not even completely naked. She was… She was half-naked, not naked actually. And I thought: why on my dining table? A dining table is a table where you can eat as the word says. You eat it. I thought: Mohammed Atta, you have my money from me declined, and now you take my daughter on my dining table, on the dining table which has been my parents. Well, they did the last years of their life is no longer open, but that is another story.'

The basis of the child moves now on his forehead.

'Kaisa,' he whispers, 'your hand is so soft. So soft. Fine is that.' He thinks after. A few seconds, a minute. 'Yes,' he says, 'she was there, and she said, Tirza: "Papa, what are you doing here?" Not angry, surprised. Maybe a little appalled that i stood there. I had better ask: "What are you doing here? This is a dining table. Our dining table. We are not going to eat in the future." But I thought: what is Tirza especially nice, what is they love. What she has a sweet face. And beautiful eyes and a good character. A caring nature. If toddler though she was so considerate. We did not have to apply only on her, they also on us. And I was thinking of her shoes, its first shoes, which I bought for her. They were so small, that there are three, four in one hand sonically. I have kept them, the first shoes of Tirza, somewhere in the Van Eeghenstraat in a box. And I thought: it is the solar queen, I thought, my solar queen is they, my love most solar queen. And when I grabbed the shift knob and i hit on its head. They immediately fell in each other and i hit one more time when they are already on the ground, and again, and while I did I continued to think that it is my solar queen, she is my love most solar queen. She is the solar queen. And to her shoes I thought, her very first shoes. Blue they were, without laces, tangle with straps.'

He feels that there is a hand on his face is located, the warmth of the Child, which he also feels, go not much more.

'Kaisa,' ship's steward, 'franchise whispers hand is so nice. Your hand… Now you know who I am. I did not do so. You do not know who you are, until you are losing control. Only then called to you by. And he that Atta, you know what he did? He stormed away. The hero. He assumed by. I found him in the kitchen. He rattled, he rilde. He was… he was nothing more. A wreck. Nothing. No man. Nothing at all.'

Hofmeesters foot is dry. He gulps a few times.

'Kaisa,' whispers, 'ship's steward Kaisa. Atta was in my kitchen at the door, he had not even taken the time to dress decently. And you know what he said? "I implore you, Mr ship's steward. I beseech you," he said that. And it is at that moment I understood that I have in my hands poker. The poker of my parents. And he begged and jammerde. I moan? When Mohammed Atta afpakte my money, and my daughter? I never moan. I did a step in his direction and at that time he grabbed my Stihl, which I have in the kitchen had put down to dry and clean. My saw. The whole day i had worked in the garden. I love to work in the garden.'

There will be more wind. The sound of the ship's steward reassure proposes. It gives him the idea that nobody hear him, even Kaisa not. 'Fruit trees you must properly maintained,' he whispers, 'de garden you must maintain, dead spruce refraining, pull out weeds, grass seeding. That is my work. I quite like that. I leave me my Stihl MS 170 not reduced and certainly not by Atta. I left the gear lever and I picked up the saw from his hands. He had him not even properly. He does not know how you have such a thing must operate, how you must grasp Him. He rattled too much. He was in the war, he was common practice.'

He feels Kaisa's foot against his leg, but even more than that her hand on his head. 'Kaisa,' he whispers, 'Kaisa. My Kaisa. He ran to the living room as a cat in the closely. With his pants still on its knees. Atta. I went to follow him. What should I do? I could not let him escape, i had no choice, Kaisa. He stood there, completely in a panic. In the war. A nerve collapse near. And on the table, on the dining table, was always that Monopoly game and its Koranic. A green paper with a hard cover. I looked forward, with the saw in my hand. And when I was all clear. I understood the, the misunderstanding, the error, the irrational that on this earth as a ghost hunts, if a hurricane. I said to him: "Atta, who do you think is stronger, Allah or the MS 170? Pray To Allah, perhaps he can help you. Or to the prophet, perhaps the prophet you help, Atta." But he did not pray. He refused to pray. Can you imagine that? I ruptured a page from the Koran and i said: "If you do not want to pray, you'll eat, Atta." I stuffed his willie the page in his mouth. And he ate. He ate, Kaisa. But there was no help. Of course there was no help. I was the aid. "And pull back today you, o the guilty," was there on the page, and more of that kind of cries. I came closer, Kaisa, even closer to Atta, ever closer. I could smell him, fear stinks, the smell of Fear goes through anything, and on the basis was my daughter, my solar queen. She was cured of her illness, but apparently not completely, not me, of me was not cured, I do not think we can cure.