Alice Adams - Invincible Summer

Eva blinked. ‘What? When you say “me”, you mean “you” as in you? Like, you personally?’

‘Yes, me. Don’t sound so surprised. This comes at a good time, actually, because the NHS Litigation Authority is about to pay out the first tranche of Allegra’s compensation and I need to invest it.’

‘Well, I can help you do that. But I can’t let you invest in the business. It’s too risky. You’re going to need that money and there’s no way I would risk losing it.’

‘It’s okay, I trust you,’ Sylvie reassured her. ‘If anyone can make it work it’s you and I’d rather invest in somebody I know and have faith in, than some company I know nothing about. I wouldn’t recognize an Enron if it bit me on the backside.’

Eva smiled and shook her head. ‘It’s really lovely of you to offer, but look, half of all new businesses fail in the first year. I believe in my idea, I really do, but start-ups are risky for all sorts of reasons. God knows the middle of a global recession isn’t the time I’d have chosen to start a business if it didn’t happen to be when I was out of a job. Obviously I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think it was going to work, but there’s no way I could take responsibility for the money that Allegra needs for her future. I can help you decide where to invest but you need to be really conservative, gilts, inflation-linked bonds, that sort of thing.’

Sylvie looked crestfallen and returned to mopping up the tabletop porridge swamp. ‘Are you sure? Because I was thinking that maybe it would be good for me to come in on the business. I’m going to need to make some money sooner or later, and it’s going to be tough to find a job that I can fit around Allegra.’

‘Well,’ said Eva slowly, ‘this doesn’t mean that you can’t come in on the business. I’m going to need an extra pair of hands, and it would be great for that to be someone I trust. Why don’t you come in as a partner?’

‘What, without investing any money? That’s not fair though, is it? What with its being your idea and all the work you’ve done on it.’

‘Well, consider it payment in lieu of rent for squatting in your spare room. For that, I am going to give you half of the business. Since at present the business is worth the princely sum of zero pounds sterling, I actually feel like I’m getting a pretty good deal.’

‘You really mean it? I’m going to be a partner?’ Sylvie leant across the table and took Eva’s face in her hands, depositing a kiss on her forehead. ‘That’s amazing. Thank you. You won’t be sorry, I promise.’ She sat back down and frowned. ‘But that doesn’t solve the money problem. If you won’t take our money, you’re going to have to get it from somewhere else. Maybe you could hit up some of your old City contacts?’

Eva took a long swig from her coffee mug. ‘Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking.’

*

‘Hello there, Fatboy. How’s it going?’

‘Eva, old girl,’ Big Paul’s voice boomed from the phone. ‘Long time no see. How are things with you?’

Eva moved over to the window, took a deep breath and launched into her sales pitch. ‘What matters, my friend, is not how things are with me, but how they are with you. And I’m going to answer that question: things are great with you, because it’s your lucky day. I’m calling to make you an offer you can’t refuse.’

‘I always knew you’d succumb to my animal magnetism eventually. Tell me, it was the rippling abs, wasn’t it?’

‘Well, there’s that, obviously, but I also have a business proposition for you.’

‘Proposition away.’

‘I’m looking for an angel.’

‘Baby, I can be your angel. Assuming you happen to be into big fat hairy unkempt angels.’

She grinned at the mental image. ‘Thanks, but for this particular initiative I won’t need you in wings and a loincloth. I have this amazing business idea, and you are one of a select few lucky investors chosen to share in my inevitable success.’

‘Thanks. I love investing in start-ups, something about the tinkling sound of dreams shattering as they go to the wall.’

Eva continued, undeterred. ‘Very tax efficient, this sort of investment. Did you know that you can do it as an Enterprise Initiative Scheme and claim thirty per cent of your investment back from the taxman on day one?’

‘Keep talking.’

‘Come over for dinner and I’ll pitch it to you properly. It’ll be at Sylvie’s place in Hampstead, she’s my business partner. It saves us having to sort out a babysitter for Allegra.’

‘Ah yes, Robert’s sprog. How’s she doing? What with the, um, retardation, or whatever the politically correct term for it is these days.’

‘Allegra’s doing pretty well actually. She’s two and a half now, and she’s saying a few words and almost walking. All stuff they’d normally do earlier, obviously, but given how uncertain the prognosis was in the beginning we’re over the moon. Do you see much of the lovely Robert these days?’

‘Not a lot, no,’ Big Paul told her. ‘I get the odd Bloomberg but we were never exactly besties, more workmates and drinking buddies. I wouldn’t be too hard on him though, he was in bits after the little one was born. I took him for a drink and I swear the poor bloke nearly cried.’

‘Yes, well. Sadly that didn’t translate into sticking around and actually taking care of her.’

‘Yeah, I hear you. How’s the mum, your friend Sylvie? Am I safe to come to this meeting or is she gonna hold it against me that the only time we met I was Rob’s wingman? And thus could be unjustly construed as bearing some responsibility for her having got up the duff in the first place? Robert reckoned it happened that night we were all out together.’

‘I doubt that’s top of the list of things she thinks about, but if anything she’d probably thank you. Not everyone understands this but Allegra’s a blessing, not a curse. You don’t have kids, do you?’

‘Nope. Not the daddy type. Couldn’t if I wanted to, in any case.’

‘How’d you mean?’

‘I shoot blanks, not to put too fine a point on it. I was married once, a long time ago. We were only youngsters, childhood sweethearts you could call it. I wasn’t too bothered about having kids, I was only about twenty, but after a couple of years she marched me along to the clinic to get tested and it turned out my boys were swimming backwards or something. It wasn’t long after that she ran off with a bloke who packed a bigger punch in the fertility stakes. Last I heard she was living in Hereford with a plumber and three or four of the little blighters.’

‘Wow, I’m sorry. I had no idea.’

‘Well, you wouldn’t, would you. It was a long time ago and it’s not on my CV. I was just Paul in those days, not Big Paul, before all the Dom P and lunches at Le Gavroche went to my waistline.’ He sighed nostalgically. ‘Still, it was probably for the best. Who’d keep the strip clubs of Soho in business if I turned into a family man? The fabric of this fine city would have been the poorer for it.’

‘Indeed it would.’

‘Anyway. Enough about my stunning physique. When do you want to pitch Eva’s Widgits to me?’

*

‘. . and that’s why we feel justified in projecting that we’ll break even at the end of year two and go significantly into profit by the end of year three.’

It was Friday night and Big Paul was sitting at Sylvie’s kitchen table, his fingers laced behind his head and an implacable expression on his face. In front of him were an empty dinner plate and an almost empty wine glass.

‘It’s not a terrible idea,’ he said slowly. ‘There are some obvious obstacles, but it’s not utterly shit.’