James Kelman - Dirt Road

Are the frogs wearing them? said Murdo.

Good question, said Dad who told it to Mum. Are the frogs wearing their legs when people nibble them?

The boy didnt eat the frog because the frog was his pal, and nobody would eat their pal! If he had he would never have got out the bear pit. Because that was how he escaped. He climbed on the frog’s back and out they hopped. It was a good story. Dad used to tell them. Even if he gave ye a row; after the row was over and ye were getting put to bed he sat down with ye and told ye a story, Murdo and Eilidh, just the two of ye there and him sitting, and quiet, ha ha, that was Dad.

Last song before the break: A Dashing White Sergeant. Some knew the steps but most didnt. Ye could learn if ye wanted. The web was full of these instruction videos. But who cares? Ye want to relax and not have to go and do stuff.

What was interesting here was how the fiddle took the lead and that gave it an American feel. Murdo thought so. But it might just have been hearing the fiddle, thinking of Chess Hopkins — it wasnay Macpherson played the fiddle on “Macpherson’s Farewell”, it was him. The fiddler here was nowhere even close to Chess Hopkins.

But so what, if he was doing his best? Maybe he was.

There was a sadness in music. Even if it was cheery, or supposed to be cheery, ye still heard it. Even The Dashing White Sergeant.

*

During the break he walked about. He was back at the table when the band began a medley they introduced as “The Happy Hoedown”. There was a cheer and an immediate rush for the floor when people heard the opening tune. They grabbed partners, whooping and punching the air.

A man had been talking to Aunt Maureen and Dad and they were straining to hear what each other was saying. Murdo wasnt trying to listen. He couldnt hear anyway. The man had a beer in one hand and kept giving angry looks at the band. But it wasnt the band’s fault. Dad and Aunt Maureen seemed to agree with the man but surely if people wanted a conversation they should have shifted to the back of the marquee? Uncle John was away doing that, sitting with a couple of men at the side, but that was them. Most people wanted to dance. They were there for a good time. What was wrong with that?

A woman was heading towards Dad, coming straight towards him. There was no mistaking this; stretching out her right hand, her forefinger pulling and beckoning him to come to her. Murdo hadnt seen her before. Aunt Maureen called to her: Hi Ruthie!

The woman seemed not to see Aunt Maureen and was wagging her finger at Dad like she was giving him a row. It was quite, in a way, comical, seeing Dad like this. But weird. When she took both his hands and yanked him up off the chair he allowed it. He smiled at Murdo and Aunt Maureen like Oh I’m helpless, I’m helpless. Then he was on the floor with her and standing, they were looking for a gap, then they were dancing. Dad. Dancing.

Murdo sipped his juice and watched how he was doing it. He knew a few of the steps. The woman was good. She looked to be leading Dad, holding his waist and guiding him through bits. They stayed on the floor for the next dance too.

That was something, Dad, imagine Dad.

One tune the band played was the “Ballad of Glencoe”. Murdo could have grabbed the accordeon for that. He could sing it too:

Oh cruel was the snow

that sweeps Glencoe

and covers the grave o’ Donald

It was a waltz. Dad was still there with the woman. Aunt Maureen was gazing at dancers too. There was a spare seat next to her. Murdo moved onto it. Hi Aunt Maureen.

Well hi Murdo you enjoying yourself?

Yeah.

It’s nice.

Yeah.

And he was enjoying himself. Although nothing was going to happen. He knew that. It didnt matter. Being here was great and just seeing everything, how everything was. Okay if he had had a pal they would have had a laugh, maybe chatted to a couple of girls or whatever.

Dad and the woman danced past. Aunt Maureen smiled seeing them. Ruthie Lawrence, she said.

Later Aunt Maureen was still smiling. It was another tune by then. Just that way she was looking at the people on the floor, that smile, smiling to see them. Murdo could have drawn her, if he had had a pen or a pencil, to try and get how she was looking, this way she was watching the dancers like even she wasnt watching them at all but over the tops of their heads, and her eyes and just below the lines there, that was the lines from smiling, she did smile, worrying too. She didnt dress up much but tonight she had.

And this necklace she was wearing. She had on this necklace and it was like sparkling, really sparkling. Murdo hadnt seen it before. Maybe she hadnt worn it before. Not during the day anyway. Definitely not. Maybe it was diamonds? It could have been. Murdo leaned to her. Aunt Maureen, he said, that’s a brilliant necklace.

She squinted round at him.

It’s really…it’s just, it’s really really nice.

He still gives the presents Murdo, he still manages to do that. Aunt Maureen smiled, fingering the necklace.

Do ye fancy a dance? he said.

Huh? You want to son?

Please, yeah, if eh…

I dont mind. Aunt Maureen stood to her feet carefully.

That’s great, he said. She put one hand out to him and he held it, walking with her onto the floor. Ye’re looking great, he said, I think ye’re just…

Aunt Maureen frowned.

No, he said.

Oh yeah you can flatter huh! It’s a family trait I reckon.

Murdo laughed. When they were on the floor they stood by the edge. He put his hands to Aunt Maureen’s upper arms. She glanced at the other dancers. What is this one? she asked.

I think it’s a jig.

Huh, I thought it was too.

Aunt Maureen I’ve got to say, I’m a hopeless dancer.

She nodded. We’ll try a two-step Murdo, a fast one. One two shuffle, one two shuffle but kind of fast. You wont fall down. Jigs is kind of tricky.

She adjusted his hands and waited, looking to see a space; they set off. Aunt Maureen slowed to a stop. Now Murdo you’re going backwards, she said, dont you go backwards: you got to lead me; you are the man here.

Okay.

Dont watch the floor too much.

Yeah but if I kick ye?

Dont worry about that, she said. Where I come from people wear boots and it dont stop them. Throw the sugar on the floor and off they set. You know what a clod hopper is?

No.

You dont huh. They got them clogs and go hop hop hopping along.

People were coming and Murdo was going to side-step away but Aunt Maureen kept him on the same track. She was good at dancing. He had expected that. They danced a path round the edge of the dance area but were not going as well as all that. They seemed to be then lost the rhythm. It was Murdo’s fault. Aunt Maureen smiled. You just got to concentrate Murdo, that’s what it is.

Murdo felt his hands sweaty and was aware of them on her dress, his hands maybe gripping her so they creased the material instead of just holding her, palms and fingers. He wasnt sure if Aunt Maureen noticed. She was humming under her breath. Murdo kept going, one two shuffle, not thinking too much, one two shuffle, one two shuffle.

*

Late night on the road home, the 4x4, Uncle John driving, Dad in the front passenger seat, Aunt Maureen and Murdo in the rear. Murdo was awake but must have been dozing. Silence but for the hum of the car engine. Uncle John and Dad talking, they were talking. Not now, and no radio. Murdo yawned. Aunt Maureen had noticed and smiled, then gazed back out the window. The silence continued until Uncle John said, Of course he’s Irish…

I thought he was American, said Dad.

Talking family, he’s a descendant.

I thought his mother was from Glasgow.

Aw yeah, from way back but Declan! Know what I mean that aint Scottish. Who’s called Declan? It’s Irish. A name like that. Oireesh. He’s Oireesh. I dont know about her; the woman he came with.