James Kelman - Dirt Road

Ah forty down, a forty down,

a forty down down down down down

dig it down

It was true but Alabama and here he was. It was him and nobody else. Only Beau Jocque, and his brilliant band, swinging along.

Murdo chuckled. So if he was here so was Sarah because it was her gave him the compilation.

He just felt good. So good. Life was good. It was his life.

The idea of that: whatever, just whatever! Where was the accordeon, he needed the accordeon!

True but, ha ha. Back home he would have played! He needed to play, he was wanting to play, he was going to play, and with Queen Monzee-ay. And would tell Dad. He needed to tell him.

He strode on now, power-walking round the block and there was Aunt Maureen’s house in whatever — half an hour?

He walked along the driveway to enter the back door. Aunt Maureen had gone. For breakfast he lifted two bananas, poured a glass of milk, returned downstairs, opened the Road Atlas. Chattanooga wasnt far, if ye had to go through it by bus then it was a case of taking a right into the state of Georgia, over the mountains.

He needed money. Not a lot. He didnt like asking Dad for anything, but that was that and he would have to.

Two accordeons made it special. They got that deep-sounding full thing that can be the best. Ye clenched yer fist thinking about it, and ye could feel it in the big muscle at the top of yer arm. Ye got that tension, a quivering feel to it. Dreams are dreams but this could happen. It was up to Murdo. Queen Monzee-ay knew he could do it. Of course he could. Ye just did it. Ye went ahead and ye did it.

Ye got the lead in and it was fine. By the weekend after next Murdo would have the set in his head. Then with the box. As soon as he got the box. He needed to get the fingers moving. Some proper playing. It would come. But the sooner he had a box the better. That pawnshop in Allentown. Maybe there was one in Chattanooga, or in Huntsville. Buying one out a pawnshop was okay. If it played it played. Ye tried it first. Ye would never buy one without playing it. Especially an accordeon, it would be bloody useless, like it had to be ready so if the reeds needed cleaning, there was no time for anything. A special glue, beeswax. The wax of a bee.

That was life. Everything for something.

There was nothing to worry about. Queen Monzee-ay knew . As soon as she heard him play. Even before! She said she knew when she saw him standing beside the tree! That is the truth! She said that. Just the way he was watching. But that was true. Watching means taking it all in. Ye see the person and then ye watch him. Oh there he is! Ye see the whole person. So watching means seeing all the bits and pieces; how he stands, how he moves, how he listens, how he looks. Queen Monzee-ay saw all that.

She was lead so he was playing to her. Relax, settle down. Then if she asked him for one. Probably she would. In Allentown for the first time he played “Blue Skirt Waltz”. How come? Just because turquoise, that was the accordeon. Then for a girl, a blue skirt dancing. Put on yer blue skirt and dance. Girls dance in that certain way. When ye see a girl’s legs, a girl is dancing and there are her legs. Murdo liked to see them. That is that, just the legs dancing, there is the girl, her legs, look! Jees! Beautiful legs didnt go on and on until one peak, if they were beautiful then that was the peak, that was like music where one thing was this and another thing was that but how could a polka be better than a waltz! it was just the most idiotic thing could be said. A girl’s legs were beautiful but hers were more and hers over there were more and more; that was like beautiful legs + 1, beautiful legs + 2; just stupid nonsense, so three legs were better than two. Daft stuff.

*

Aunt Maureen had come from the house carrying a tray and called to Murdo who was sunbathing at the rear of the garden, lying on his front on the beach towel and reading the Road Atlas book. He had left the hi-fi in the room. There was a cable and lead that would have stretched back into the house, although Dad was there. Anyway, the book, it was just amazing like how ye could trace all where the roads went and the land between and even the distances, it told ye some and ye could work out others, and follow roads all the way up or else across. If ye stayed on the Interstate 75 ye landed way up in Detroit or else the other way it was down the very southernmost tip of America in a place called Mangrove Swamp. What a road! That was interstates. Roads going inbetween all the states. That one was like all the way north to all the way south.

And interesting roundabout LaFayette and Chattanooga up to Sweetwater where the underground sea was. Mountains and stuff, national parks. They were talking about the weekend after this one coming, when Uncle John had the Friday off. Murdo was thinking if he did go with people on the Friday and they went up someplace and stayed overnight or whatever, maybe he could still make the gig on Saturday evening because like it was the same motorway road and there had to be a bus, surely. Or else hitching a lift. People hitched lifts. Ye were just careful. Stay overnight with Sarah’s family then Sunday morning Cheerio and that was him back to wherever, Sweetwater, or Cumberland Gap where Uncle John’s old uncle somebody used to live years, years and years ago, and Uncle John’s old uncle somebody was Murdo’s old uncle uncle somebody plenty times removed.

Murdo closed the Atlas book and got up from the big towel. Aunt Maureen had settled the tray on the patio table and chatted with Dad for a while. She returned into the house and Dad was back reading. He didnt look up when Murdo arrived. So Dad hi and all that I want to play a gig and it’s at LaFayette in the state of Georgia. Gulp! Pardon? What did ye say! You heard! Ha ha. Better saving yer breath. If it was later wait till later and dont do it sooner.

Dad was engrossed in his book. Murdo would have to talk first. Ye have to in this life. This is this and you are you. Although Dad knew he was there. Murdo had lifted the glass of orange juice. Dad, he said, I was just thinking there about the music. Just eh…

Dad nodded.

Like the way it is for me, how I do it, if I dont have an accordeon or guitar or like whatever.

Dad half closed the book.

I’m not talking about other people. Just myself Dad. What I do I listen. I listen and just kind of — I dont know if it’s taking it in. Only it’s something I do Dad I mean if I’m bursting to play and I cannay I mean that happens too, I’m bursting to play and I cannay. So I’ve got the music to hear. Just hearing it the way I’m hearing it, it’s like learning, although I’m just listening like I hear it and I learn it. It’s just the way I do it Dad so I mean that’s just how it is.

Dad smiled.

No just because like with the music Dad I just seem able to take it in. Maybe other people dont. Like even in school, my head is like just going through everything I mean everything Dad just whatever like thinking about stuff if maybe there’s a tune I’m working on. You go to work and I’m up there in my room. Before I go to school: that’s what I do and sometimes I just forget where I am Dad just like doodling about on the guitar or else like I jam in Dad ye know like I’ve got some old music I stick on Dad ye know what I do like how I jam in, and I just forget everything. I forget everything.

Murdo stopped talking and was looking at the patio floor, a wooden floor; spars; the earth down below. Echo echo echo, thud thud thud, solid earth: thud, pwohhhh, thud

Dad was listening to what Murdo was saying.

What was he saying? It was all daft. Even the name: Chattanooga. Dad wouldnt let him play the gig. This is what Murdo knew. He wanted to laugh but only in a stupid way. Because he was an idiot. Sixteen years of age. It was all just insanity. School. Who cares. The teacher said about Mozart when he was seventeen, Court Musician, what does that mean? Murdo just wished something, he didnt know what. Disappearing. Things dont change. Not in this life. If they do then what? Nothing. Himself standing there, the swimming shorts, sun tans, he just went red.