James Kelman - Dirt Road

Life was different to what ye thought. Dad would just be whatever, worried, he worried. He was just coping same as Murdo. The two of them.

More time passed. Murdo could not stay downstairs. He went upstairs to the bathroom.

Dad was alone in the kitchen. He had started on the clearing up, and was glad to see Murdo. He didnt say anything but Murdo knew he was. Murdo said: I was doing the clearing up Dad. I told Aunt Maureen I would and eh I mean it’s not really you to do it.

Okay.

Murdo moved past him to the draining board to make a start. Dad had already stacked the dinner plates in the sink and filled it with hot water. I’m not using the dishwasher, he said.

Me too.

Ye have to wash stuff twice if ye do.

I know, said Murdo.

Okay. Okay… Dad left the kitchen, maybe going to his room or else to get ready. Maybe him and Uncle John were going to the pub. Murdo would be glad. Being in a pub would be interesting.

Better being outside seeing stuff, just looking, walking about.

Murdo had his hands in the soapy water. There was a wee back window directly above the sink. A tree blocked most of the view but it was still great seeing out. He didnt mind cockroaches anyway if that was the swishing sound. Insects were everywhere. Spiders’ webs and all sorts. Who cares. Murdo didnt. Never ever. People thought thick woods and dark forests were scary. They didnt like going into them. Murdo did. Murdo went into them. Even as a boy, ye might say forcing himself, he forced himself. That was Eilidh, after she died. Murdo did funny wee things. He went into the woods and sat next to bushes and trees; creepy crawlies down in the dirt, damp earth, muddiness. The sun never reaches these places. No grass but roots and remains.

Dad’s bedroom door was shut. Murdo chapped it. Dad opened it. Murdo said, Dad, I’m sorry.

Och away. Dont worry.

Dad

No. Ye’re right; what do I know? Opera. I dont know a damn thing.

Dad it’s my fault.

No it’s not.

It is.

No it’s not. Dont worry. Dad came out from the bedroom and closed over the door. They returned to the dining room. Murdo entered behind Dad and Uncle John and Aunt Maureen were peering across at them.

The Gathering was a two-hour drive away, more than a hundred miles distant. They left the main highway and were onto a smaller road that had a number instead of a name and went along at the foot of a mountain. Aunt Maureen thought it was known by the name of a ranch. From there it was onto a rocky road that was more like a wide trail. The cars were parked for free in regimented rows down one side of a big field. Attendants were there to guide the drivers. Once parked ye crossed and walked a tree-lined track and in through a wide gate where they took entrance fee money.

Ye werent allowed to bring in food or drink of yer own, and no guns either. Uncle John had advised them earlier: Dont take yer six-shooter. Posters were pinned onto the trees; some serious, some for fun:

ALL CONTESTANTS PAY ADMISSION

IF RAIN WEAR A HAT

NO REFUNDS ON BOUNCY CASTLE CHARGES

ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES DESIGNATED AREAS

BEWARE FUND RAISERS

SAVE A SMOKER — DONATE A LUNG

KIDS UNDER ( 10) 2 GO FREE

In the evening a dance was scheduled for the Marquee Tent which they called The Hielan Fling. The entrance payment entitled ye to attend that plus the afternoon music event. Dad wanted to pay but Uncle John wouldnt let him. The people at the entrance passed out information flyers. Murdo took a few and put them in his pocket. A large poster advertised The Wee Bairn Games (0–5). Another advertised a Hunt the Sporran Competition. Some of the Kids’ Competitions finished before they arrived. It had been going since 10 a.m. and was now about 12.30. A Dance Competition for Girls was split into age groups. Jig Dancing I: (3–5), Jig Dancing II (6–11), Jig Dancing III (12–17), Jig Dancing IV (18+). Uncle John made a joke to Aunt Maureen about entering the last group. Quite a few girls wore Highland dance outfits. Adults too, wearing fancy Scottish clothes, tartan and kilts. One woman in from the entrance gate knew Aunt Maureen and was delighted to see her. Aunt Maureen introduced Murdo and Dad as her nephews from Scotland. Murdo liked her doing that. They chatted together and they walked on slowly, waiting for her to catch up. No sooner did she catch up than she saw another woman and went to meet her.

Sally Rose, said Uncle John. She’s an old friend of yer Auntie. That’s the last we’ll see of her. Look for Josie too, because she’ll be roundabout. Then who else? Quite a few, I dont know, church people. Uncle John chuckled and winked at Murdo. She’s in her element son. Just watch it with the religious aspect. Nay wisecracks!

…

Dad glanced across.

I’m only saying to watch it son. Uncle John winked. Whatever ye said to the women, just be careful.

Dad smiled. What did ye say? Eh? Murdo…?

I dont know Dad, I dont know.

They had stopped walking and moved to the side of the track to let people pass along. Was it about religion?

I dont know.

Och it’s nothing, said Uncle John, me and my big mouth.

Murdo looked at him. He couldnt remember a single thing at all about whatever he was supposed to have said except if it was personal stuff about the family, talking to Aunt Maureen maybe. But if he had said something it wouldnt have been a joke, not like a joke. Never. If Uncle John thought that… Wisecracks? What did it even mean? Jokey comments? He would never have made jokey comments. Never. Horrible even to think. Aunt Maureen and her friends. Never ever.

After a moment Uncle John said: Maybe I’ve got the wrong end of the stick. It was when ye were talking with the women son, the pot-luck night; did ye no say something? Emma-Louise and them were talking about it later. Am I wrong son? asked Uncle John.

…

What was it ye said? asked Dad.

Kids running along the track toward them, past them, making for the main area. People everywhere, everywhere. Dad tapped him on the arm. They stepped sideways to allow the kids past, running past.

Murdo kept his head lowered. Dad was waiting. Murdo didnt know. He didnt care either. Dad whatever. Dad whatever all the time. Murdo’s stomach was that weird way again. Twisted. That was how it felt. Uncle John said something. Murdo didnt hear. Dad said something back. Murdo didnt hear that either. Dad saying: We’ll walk.

Uncle John held up his right hand. Murdo son, I’ve got the wrong end of the stick.

Murdo shook his head. I dont know Uncle John I might have said something like eh I dont know, I might have said something when I was in talking with Aunt Maureen and them or else if they picked me up wrong. But I would never have said any jokey thing like wisecracks. Not to Aunt Maureen. Definitely. Never.

Uncle John said to Dad: It’s me Tommy. I’ve got the wrong end of the stick. I’m just a dumpling. Murdo son I’m just a dumpling.

It’s okay.

Do people still call ye that in Glasgow! They said it when I was a boy. Ya bloody dumpling! That was what they called ye! Worse!

Murdo smiled.

Dad was just watching. But it was Murdo’s fault for over-reacting. Uncle John was feeling bad and it was for nothing. Quite soon after he saw men he knew, men in kilts. Aw look, he said, old Charlie, I’m goni say hullo, and off he went.

The people going along the track; fat and thin, young and old; the usual. Dad and Murdo continued walking. The temperature into the high seventies. Dad had his hands in his pockets and was just looking about, relaxed. Murdo said, Dad.

Yeah?

What Uncle John said there about wisecracks. I dont know what he was meaning because I didnt say anything like that. Nothing like that. I would never ever have done it. Jeesoh Dad Aunt Maureen, she’s great. I would never ever say anything to upset her and like her friends, never.