Nicola Barker - The Cauliflower

Sarada would never be so forward as to direct a word of criticism toward someone so lofty and wise and clever as the Brahmini , but it is plain for all eyes to see that a war of sorts is being fought between the women of the house over the ownership of Uncle. And everyone must take a side — apart from Uncle himself, of course, whose mind is far too elevated to dwell upon such petty matters.

The Brahmini is strong meat — especially in the eyes of the local women, who are honest but simple creatures by and large. They follow caste and other rules and traditions most ferociously. The Brahmini is an independent spirit, however, and she is accustomed to living freely and unself-consciously, with only her heart as her guide.

Well, everything came to a head when a villager of lower caste came to visit Uncle and was provided with a meal. Caste rules dictate that this man should clear away his own dish after eating, but the Brahmini —who was perhaps a little too eager to show off her powerful position in Uncle’s household — simply took the dish away herself. Of course, at the temple such behavior may be tolerated, but not here in Uncle’s village. Immense distress was caused by the Brahmini ’s behavior, and all of the women were in a terrible flap about it. Did the Brahmini care about this? Not at all! She thought the women were being small-minded and ridiculous. The women were profoundly injured by the Brahmini ’s attitude. Eventually I was obliged to step in on behalf of the women, and I’m sad to confess that a great store of ill feeling that had been festering for many years between myself and the Brahmini was now brought out into the light. The Brahmini accused Hridayram of being ignorant and controlling — of exploiting Uncle for his own selfish gain. Hridayram accused the Brahmini of identical crimes. A dreadful atmosphere was thereby created. And these arguments continued to bubble and to fester until, thoroughly tired and exasperated, Hridayram was eventually forced to draw Uncle’s attention to them so that he might use his wisdom and his authority to calm things down a little. Uncle was most upset that such a bad atmosphere had been generated by something so small and insignificant as the casual removal of a dish, but instead of rounding on Hridayram — or the women of his house — he turned and told the Brahmini that her behavior had been inappropriate. The Brahmini did not take this criticism seriously at first. She thought Uncle was just joking. But more fool the Brahmini , because anyone who is truly close to Uncle knows that while he himself has thrown off the burden of caste as a part of his sadhana , he by no means advocates such behavior in others less far advanced in their spiritual journeys than himself. Quite the opposite, in fact. Uncle holds that in order to move past the constricting burdens of social and caste rules, we must first obey them with great diligence and understand their significance. He could see why these rules served an important purpose in the spiritual lives of the village women. For all his many eccentricities, Uncle has never been a believer in throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

The Brahmini is of course accustomed to playing the role of mother with Uncle (indeed, with us all), but in this instance Uncle would not play his accustomed role of child. He did not back down with her, and so she soon became very angry with him. It was sad to see. She felt betrayed by Uncle, and confused. But then she went off on her own and considered the situation very deeply for a while. She realized — much to her horror — that she had broken her own golden rule and had become much too attached to Uncle. In her desire to teach and nurture him she had forgotten her own path, her real calling — that of a true renunciant, a sannyasin .

So it was with many tears and some embarrassment and regret that she decided to leave Uncle and move on. In a matter of hours she was gone. All of the tension instantly left the household.

Uncle loves the Brahmini , but in truth I think he had already outgrown her. After completing his sadhana of the madhura bhava and having been granted extraordinary visions of first Radha and then his beloved Krishna, Uncle’s mind had now finally begun to turn toward the ultimate sadhana —the non-dual discipline of the Vedanta . The goal of sayujya , of bodylessness, of nirvana .

For anyone familiar with Uncle’s immense attachment to the Divine Mother this might seem to be a controversial decision by Uncle. How might he possibly hope to step beyond the Goddess who is the beginning and the end of all his spiritual aspirations? Ah, who may hope to answer this question? Not a worm such as I! Although Uncle’s tastes are notoriously catholic. Like a child, he is naturally most curious and promiscuous. Yet did the Mother not dwell at the very core of his heart and soul? Was the Mother not the very roots of the green and sprouting tree of Uncle?

At around this time two important people arrived at the Kali Temple. The first was Uncle’s beloved nephew Akshay — the son of Uncle’s brother Ramkumar — who came to the temple to take the place of Haladhari. Akshay is most beloved by us all, and, like Uncle, a great spiritual aspirant. The second person to come was an itinerant paramahamsa who Uncle simply called Tota Puri, or the Naked One. Tota Puri was a tall, gaunt, and severe-faced mendicant with long and matted hair. He had been wandering for who may guess how long from his home in central India through to Bengal, traveling from temple to temple to teach and to share his great spiritual wisdom. He remained in no place for more than three days before he moved on. Tota Puri — as a serious practitioner of the non-dual discipline — had no time at all for idol worship, which (like others of this disposition) he held in great contempt. On one occasion when watching Uncle clapping his hands and chanting the Mother’s name, as was his wont, Tota Puri sharply demanded, “Ha! Are you fashioning chapati s that you clap your hands like this?!” To a refined mind such as Tota Puri’s, one may only hope to see Isvara (the indivisible Brahman united with its power) through the path of the intellect — by a calculated act of the will.

But after arriving by boat at the ghat his eyes were for some reason irresistibly drawn to Uncle, who was sitting in the pleasing shade of the chandni , wearing only his simple cloth, radiating sweetness and holiness as Uncle inevitably must. Immediately Tota Puri approached Uncle and asked if he had learned, or might be interested in learning, the Vedantic discipline. Uncle considered this question and then answered in a manner typical of himself: “I have no idea of what I should or shouldn’t do. Only Mother knows. I do as Mother commands.”

Perhaps thinking that Uncle referred to his own birth mother, Chandradevi (who had always harbored a deep horror of Uncle becoming a mendicant monk), Tota Puri thought hard for a moment and then said to Uncle, “Well, go and ask your mother. I shall not be here for very long.”

Without another word Uncle went to ask the Divine Mother at the temple and she told him that Tota Puri had been sent to teach him. Uncle returned to the Naked One, quite beaming with joy, and agreed to become his pupil, but only on the understanding that the main part of the initiation (where Uncle would shave his head and remove his sacred thread) might take place in private, for fear of distressing poor Chandradevi.

And so it was. After a period of intense discipline and learning, late one night, in the panchavati , the homa fire was lit and Uncle made offerings for the satisfaction of his ancestors, and to his own soul. Many sacred mantra s were uttered and oblations made, including Uncle’s sacred thread and his tuft of hair. Next Uncle sat with Tota Puri inside the wooden meditation hut, dressed in an ocher cloth and taupina s, and the Naked One guided Uncle in the familiar instruction of not-this, not-this , whereby Uncle would imagine everything in the world — everything of name and form — and then turn himself away from it, mentally, while identifying himself, all along, only with God, with consciousness-knowledge-bliss, with the indivisible Brahman .