Tao Lin - Richard Yates

“Yes, it was very depressing,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’m so glad,” said the editor. “I loved it.”

They drove for about an hour. Sometimes Haley Joel Osment leaned forward from the backseat and answered a question using one or two words and stayed leaning forward a few seconds then slowly leaned back in his seat. They stopped at a house. Haley Joel Osment sat on a sofa and stared at things. Everyone seemed to be in their 30s. One person had a baby. One person was pregnant. More people arrived and then everyone went to a bar. Haley Joel Osment read his poetry to about forty people and met Julia and talked to Dakota Fanning on his cell phone. About seven people including Haley Joel Osment went to a vegan restaurant known for its use of nutritional yeast. Haley Joel Osment focused on eating and did not talk. Sometimes he heard Julia say something and thought “Julia is funny.”

The next day in the editor’s poetry class at the University of Georgia Haley Joel Osment answered questions about how to get published and what internet magazines were good and then stood on the university’s campus. “You can go explore by yourself, I won’t be offended,” said the editor. “Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m going to find the internet.” He went to the university’s library and read an email from Dakota Fanning that said a transformer exploded at her school and everyone got to go home. He walked to a taco place and ate a bean burrito. He met the editor and they drove to someone’s house and Haley Joel Osment went to their computer. “Hi,” said Dakota Fanning on Gmail chat.

“Hi,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“How are you,” said Dakota Fanning.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment and stared at the computer screen.

“Did you walk home?” he said after about ten seconds.

“When is the reading,” said Dakota Fanning. “No, I took the bus.”

“Sometime tonight, I don’t know,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What did you do this morning,” he said.

“Can you tell me what you did this morning so we type at the same time.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m typing.”

Haley Joel Osment typed what he did and pushed enter and read that Dakota Fanning woke at 6:00 a.m. and had pissed the bed. It was bad because she also pissed the bed the night before so the mattress cover wasn’t on because it was being washed. She cleaned the mattress and washed the blankets and changed her clothes and read the page of things Haley Joel Osment typed for her to read aloud each day and then did Pilates in the living room but without her Pilates DVD and a little less than usual because she was late from having to clean the bed. She made a smoothie and showered and went to the computer and drew Haley Joel Osment a picture and emailed him. She put on clothes and made lunch and walked to the bus stop. She listened to music on the bus.

“What did you make for lunch,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Broccoli slaw with tempeh, and an apple, and I also ate a pear I got from the lunch lady during school. I drank an Edensoy box and ate a package of carrots.”

“How did you make lunch,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I just threw it in a box and cut up tempeh. I didn’t cook anything, I did it in like one minute.”

“Why didn’t you say that the first time instead of saying you just made lunch.”

“I’m sorry,” said Dakota Fanning. “I should have been more specific.”

“What did you do when you got home,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Did you have to buy the soymilk or did they have it,” said Dakota Fanning.

“They have it,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I got the mail, went to the bathroom, and ate an apple then made a smoothie and ate cereal and granola,” said Dakota Fanning. “Then I took the mattress cover upstairs and put the blankets in the dryer and put the other blanket in the washer. Then I came upstairs to check my email.”

“We’re leaving soon,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Was your lunch good,” said Dakota Fanning. “Do you know where you are going to for dinner.”

“Yes it was good, I don’t know where for dinner.”

“Will you be able to use the computer again,” said Dakota Fanning.

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“What were you typing,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I wasn’t typing,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Oh, it said you were. Then it stopped and you just typed ‘no.’ Will you be home around the same time?”

“I don’t know. Have you lied to me today or yesterday. Tell me the truth now.”

“No,” said Dakota Fanning. “I haven’t lied to you today or yesterday.”

“Were you interested in anything I did today? Tell me the truth.”

“Yes,” said Dakota Fanning. “Were you nervous when you went to her class?”

“Never mind,” said Haley Joel Osment. “What are you going to do now?”

“I’m going to get changed and then exercise.”

“I feel really shitty,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning said something about a hotel.

“There isn’t anyone I want to tell anything to,” said Haley Joel Osment. “And I don’t like what I’m doing. And I’m surrounded by people I don’t want to be around. And no one is interested in it enough to want to talk to me about it. I’m really fucked.”

“I’m an asshole,” said Dakota Fanning.

“That looks good,” she said vaguely.

Haley Joel Osment began typing something then stopped.

“What did you type?” said Dakota Fanning. “Do you have your phone with you?”

“No,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I just tried calling,” said Dakota Fanning.

“What are you going to do now,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Everyone’s fucked, don’t worry,” said Dakota Fanning. “I’m going to get changed and exercise. And go to the bathroom too probably.”

“It’s 2:40 p.m.,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “What do you mean, do you want to know more.”

“When you get home things might be better,” she said.

“What are you doing after you exercise,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Are you emailing me a picture. I’m going. This is stupid. I felt annoyed after the first five seconds talking to you. You didn’t say anything after I said ‘okay.’ No interest in what I did in class. I had more interest in your routine. I’m going now.”

At dinner a poet who had moved to Uruguay with another poet was discussed. The restaurant had an open kitchen and Haley Joel Osment looked there a lot and didn’t talk. They drove to Emory University and Haley Joel Osment read his poetry. Someone asked Haley Joel Osment to submit to their internet magazine. Haley Joel Osment stood eating red grapes. He saw that he had a voicemail. Someone he knew from the internet walked toward him and introduced himself. Haley Joel Osment asked the person if he worked in an office.

“Yeah, pretty much I just do things on the internet all day,” said the person.

“I have a voicemail I want to check, it’s from my girlfriend’s mom,” said Haley Joel Osment and ran into a stairwell. The voicemail said Dakota Fanning was not in her room and was not answering her cell phone. Haley Joel Osment called Dakota Fanning’s mother. “I’m thinking she might have gone to your place,” she said. “Did you leave your key with her?” Haley Joel Osment said the location of the key. Dakota Fanning’s mother checked the location and said the key wasn’t there. Haley Joel Osment called Dakota Fanning and she answered after many rings and said she rode her bike to his room after biofeedback to draw things and decorate the room to surprise him and was happy at first but then got depressed and ate a lot of his cereal and fell asleep on his bed.